Divorce and custody issues

[Miss_awesome19]

Jurisdiction

Alaska

It's hard to even know where to start. I am going through a divorce and it's not pretty. We pretty much only agree on the fact that we both want a divorce, and she wants her last name changed back, everything else is a mess. The hardest part right now is the custody of our 4 (older) children. From the very beginning after I moved out she has spoken bad about me, and said lies about me to our children. She tells them that I abandoned them and that I'm an alcoholic. She simply wouldn't let me see them for a while, even when they wanted to see me. She filed for a restraining order in February that I only just now found out about, claiming some seriously ludricrous things, that obviously the judge noticed because he didn't grant it. I barely talk to her, and since October I have seen her in person maybe 5 times. She claims I harass them and won't leave them alone. She lives in our large house on a lake, with our children. As our divorce is not final, it is still my property. I come and go to use my kayaks or jet ski, and get my mail. I never see her when I am there, and I never mess with her things. She has tried to tell me that I can't come on the property several times, even though I never even see her. She has now filed another restraining order on me saying that I was abusive to our son, which isn't true. she is saying that I was driving drunk with our daughter in the car, which isn't true. She is putting all of these things in emails too, because she says that she wants to have it all on paper. She is claiming that I talk to the kids about inappropriate things and I am drunk all the time. These things simply aren't true. She has now effectivly turned my children against me because they are believing her lies. I don't know what to do, I feel completely powerless. My hope is that our judge will see through all of her lies. Outside of our children she is also claiming I owe her spousal support and the 7k she racked up on her CC AFTER I moved out. She tried to take my car at one point, she tells the kids I am taking everything from the house, which is not the case. She had a garage sale and sold a bunch of our stuff when the court told her she couldn't in a divorce case. There is just way too much to list. I knew divorce wasn't pretty going into this, but I never knew it could get this ugly. I can't afford a lawyer at the moment. Some legal advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

[army judge]

The fact that you believe a lawyer is unaffordable, there's not much anyone can offer via legal advice to help you.

However, there are a couple things that you can do, or have a friend help you do.

One, make a list of all the important stuff acquired during the marriage. Don't worry about an Xbox, an iPad, or other small things. Focus on expensive stuff, as in boats, cars, mink coats, Rolex watches, etc... Create a list of all the things you want in the divorce settlement.
Create a list of the things you want her or the kids to keep. Create a list of the things you believe you'll argue about. Try to keep that list very small. Talk it over with a couple trusted relatives or friends. Then finalize it.

Two, create a custody plan, include visitation schedules to account for vacations, holidays, summer break, Christmas break, etc... Discipuss it with your advisors. Then finalize it.

Three, select a reason you both respect, admire, and trust. That person will be your mediator. Neither of you can tolerate the other. That means you can't talk, can't agree. The mediator, hopefully, will allow you to communicate. Communicating means you'll make it easier for the court to decide, because you both agreed. The purr won't have to mandate, simply bless your decisions/choices.

Bottom line, you may never like each other. So what? You both must be tree for the children. That means you become the bigger person. One day your kids will know the truth, if not, parents die to keep their children safe.

Okay, that's enough for now. It should keep you occupied, and hopefully productive. Hang in there, what you're involved in impacts 50% (maybe more) of the people all over the USA.

 

[leslie82]

With all that property you have alone, I would find a way to get a lawyer. At least find one that does a free consultation and see what they can offer.

My divorce ended up costing $1500 total - but then again my ex never showed up. There was no property to divide and I got sole custody because he didn't show up and didn't do the parenting class so parenting time is at my discretion. I did whatever my lawyer told me to do for the case.

If I had property and assets I'd definitely want a lawyer on my side.