A friend is accusing me of stalking and harassing (?)

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SteveS015

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Someone who has been my best friend in the world lately started accusing me of stalking him and getting all paranoid, thinking I am "spying" on him or something. (We are both teens, by the way).... There have been issues in the past with me worrying about him being involved with underage drinking and drug use, but I don't know if that has anything to do with this.

He decided he no longer wanted me to write him or wants to be my friend, but for no detailed explanation, but it's nothing I ever did to him or anything bad at all.
So after trying to talk and figure things out, I decided that he has to work out whatever issues he is having, and and I told him I wouldn't email anymore but I was always open to talking, but leaving it up to him.

He called a couple of months ago when he won tickets to a concert and we had a great time talking, and we even listened to a whole album together....he wasn't angry or anything at me at all. We talked about stuff between us more, and it was a pretty nice talk.
He had to get a fake ID to get into the concert since he's well underage and they had alcohol there, but he promised he wasn't going to drink or anything, since this was his favorite band and that's what it was all about.

When he got back, he sort of shunned me off, when I expected him to want to talk all about the things that happend at the concert, etc. But I figured he was tired or whatever.
Anyway, he sort of just started avoiding me again, but I just let it go.

After a month I wrote asking if things were OK, since it seemed he was avoiding me for a long time. (Except for the random AIM messages when I wasn't here, (I have to use my dad's laptop since my other computer broke, and he only lets me use it a few hours at most). But since he did at least send a few messages that way, I guess I offended him by claiming he was avoiding me or whatever, and when I asked if things were going OK, he came back at me saying I was accusing him of drinking and drugs, which I didn't mean to come off as doing.
He has INSISTS he is "over that" and doesn't do any of that anymore, and he has never lied to this extent, so I have to believe him on that.
So I apologized for sounding like I was being "accusing", and I didn't mean to.

After that email....
He suddenly went all paranoid over something and made a post on the message board we are both on (we are both close friends of the family whose board it is), saying he was not going to post anymore because he was "being stalked" online, on his My Space, saying he had to delete it, , AIM, other places, then said this person was was talking to "people he knew", and he even said they had to have their phone number changed....

I was wondering what the deal was, and then found out, he was talking about ME being this "stalker".

This is someone who I would trust my life to and he knows, despite anything, I would never do anything against him, and he knows he can trust his life to me. I mean we have always had that level of love between us despite anything else.

So I knew this must be because of one of two things....
There has been someone else who has found out a situation that happened from a blog, where him and another teenage girl were messing with alcohol when he was on vacation there, and since I was mentioned in the blog, this person sent it to me with a sarcastic statement of "look at what your friend has been up to". He, or someone he knew, called the girl's house and apparently talked to the girl's mom, basically reporting the event to her and turning them in.

He thought I had something to do with it, because I called the phone number this person put at the end of the email he sent me with the quote from her blog, so I called it to see what it was and hung up since no one answered. It's a number I never had, which is why I called it to find out how it tied into everything. My number showed on the caller ID before he called that number, so from that, he assumed I was secretly talking to this person and giving him information or something. I still don't really know. I have NO idea who this person is to this day, just a few vague, unproveable ideas.

So, when I saw this post from him being all paranoid and stating that I was doing all of these things where he had to delete his My Space and no longer be on AIM (the only thing I ever mentioned about AIM is in reply to some random messages he sent when I wasnt here, i said something sarcastic like "well at least when I get a random message from you, or see you on AIM I know you are still alive".... and in the post he talked about how I was "stalking" him because I noticed if he was online or not on AIM (?!), it was like total paranoia....

Anyway, the ONLY thing I can think of is that someone was somehow pretending to be me, or convincing him I am doing something against him concerning the things he listed....

Or, the other possibile explanation would be that he is messing with the drinking/drug situation again and is just paranoid that I, or anyone else who cares about him, would find out, (maybe something that was on his My Space?, which I don't know, since I never even went to except one time he told me to to look at a picture), I have no idea, but it was a sudden explosion of paranoia, and directed at me, saying I was "stalking" him, but he didn't say my name publically.

I don't think he would ever lie to this extent, and he insists he isn't doing any of that anymore, so I told him that I belive him and stopped sounding like I was accusing him of it.
But the other theory sounds weak, I know. It's just that he has never lied before, so I have to believe what he says, since he's really insistant about it all.

Another month or two has passed, and I decided to write once more before he left for vacation for Christmas the other day with his mom, attempting to hopefully try to get this situation cleared up, by asking what was behind all of these specific allegations against me, and how we need to work this out and find out what was behind it, because someone was obviously either impersonating me or somehow making him think I did something (?)
No one would go off and post specific allegations agains someone and not at least back them up to the person accused, (or SOMEONE), so I was in a stalemate, not knowing what to do.
So wrote and asked if he could explain the things he posted about me....and at the end I wrote to tell him I still cared about him, I'm always here for him if he ever wants to talk, but it's up to him, just so he knew, and said Merry Christmas, even if he didn't "like me anymore", and told him to tell his mom my family wished her Merry Christmas, and then said I wouldnt write anymore, but I had to find out the story behind the things he posted to find out of soeone is imperonating me or what the deal was, hoping he would be able to talk to me normally about it.

I got an email back with things like "LEAVE ME ALONE, no one is stalking me but you. I told you not to write me again, and if you send me a Christmas card, that is stalking. Piss off!".

And then he contacts the person who runs the website we both post on, who is a close friend of mine as well as his (he's the dad of the kid whose website it is), and talks to the lawyer of the company that is involved asking about "restraining orders"....
This has gotten to be insane, he somehow convinced them I was harassing him, and tried to have me banned from the site, a site made by people who are my close friends.

He wrote in an email back that if I sent him and his mom a Christmas card, that would legally be "stalking", and he would get a restraining order. I almost feel like talking to his mom and telling her the crap he is pulling. I am friends with her, too. But I supposed he would have to make up lies to tell her to turn her against me, or who knows.

My question is what do you think about all of this?
It's beyond what I can even conceive that someone who I care about, and used to be the closest person to me in the world, could or would do, or say things like this over an email asking how he was, then an email asking about the accusations he made in his subsequent post, and trying to wish him Merry Christmas.
Now he's going around making me out to be a stalker and harasser, trying to get me banned from my friend's board, and everything else.

Doesn't someone actually have to be harassing someone to be "stalking"?
This is because he just doesn't like emails from me, regardless of what's in them? He also told me if I posted a reply to him on the public board, that also is "stalking".
So anyway, there's the story, sorry it's so long.

What are your opinions on all of this?









Where is all this coming from?
 
Sorry to hear about your problem.... Personally I think it's all puffing and any lawyer of a company who hears it would probably not want to get involved in any of this personal dispute. My advice? Get involved with your other friends and let this guy do whatever he does alone. Sometimes it's the best way to get people who ignore you to pay attention -- ignore them! But you're probably best forgetting all about him and this nonsense about harassment and moving on with your life... good luck and happy Holidays!
 
Thanks for the reply....
Well, I also said to people involved that no one could call someone simply sending a Christmas card "stalking", (although if he doesn't want one, I'm not going to force it on him, but I'm talking theoretically, since he seems to think it legally would be), or sending a completely non-harassing email "stalking" when it was to ask legitimate questions posed by a post of his accusing me of things, in a really polite way, because obviously he must really think I was involved with these things, so I'm certainly not angry, just wanted to know the story behind the allegations.

But someone told me that there does NOT have to be anything done determined to be "harassing" to someone or not, for them to get a restraining or harassment order on you, all they have to do is pay a fee, and not have to legally "prove" anything, like in this case. (Well I know it's hypothetical, since he would need his mom to actually do that, and his mom would probably smack him upside his head if she knew he was saying these things....he would have to tell her a bunch of lies about me in order to get her against me, but who knows with him lately what he would do)....

So just checking if there is any way anyone could do that?! To me that seems like it totally would infringe upon people's rights, if nothing has to be "proven" legally to do that to someone.

Happy Holidays to you too!
 
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