We Want Our Privacy

Hey guys. So my I'm having issues with the child's father. He currently keeps the child full-time, except for every other weekend, and we take turns on holidays.

As of lately, I have had to file for court because the father refuses to let me see my child, because of silly little injuries he has gotten. Parents make mistakes, it's not like nothing bad has happened to my child while with the father. If anything were serious, such as an emergency room visit, we would notify him, but other than that, we treat it and let the child's father know when we switch off again.

He wants us to tell him everything that happens to the child, even the smallest injury, like a scrape. Like I said, we are cool with notifying him if something serious happens, but other than that, my boyfriend and I want our privacy and we want freedom when with my child. Every time I do talk to him, a fight breaks out. If my child's life is endangered, we always perform good care on him, my mom is a nurse and she's always the first to take a look/hear about it. A kid is a kid, he's going to get small cuts and scrapes. But he will freak out about any small injury, and take him to the the E.R. even when it's not major. I respect him doing his part, but with that said, I want that freedom and trust when my son is with me, rather than being shadowed or unapproved of every second.

So, anyway, we're going to court to fight over our rights. Nothing has been court ordered, we want joint custody, to keep our rights intact.

Can a judge honestly order me to notify the father of every small happening? It may seem silly, but he's my child, I can take care of him without his approval.

Usually they will only encourage communication/contact between the two parents as if emergencies were to occur, but as for small things such as scrapes, minor cuts, etc is not required nor enforced. Just communication. Judges do know kids DO get hurt. As long you take care of your child and notify the father when it is his turn (or however you communicate with him) then there shouldn't be any problem or any reason for the father to try and enforce it if you are already a parent taking care of the child when he is hurt in any way.

A few of the things that have happened with my son under my care have been: small sunburn after his pool party (never happened again after finding out how easily he can burn, now he's lathered extra well). Got a small piece of stick stuck in his leg during a hike (father didn't notice until 3 days later after we brought him back - we cleaned it but saw nothing, we also dropped him off right after the hike) and then minor cut above eyebrow and on chin. During all times, he was taken care of properly and this has been over the course of 2-3 years. I know my son has gotten glass in his foot when with his father, and father only recently got his priorities straightened out as he used to be into drugs and not doing a good job. Now he's super over protective, and I'm afraid he doesn't even let my son be a kid, as if he's afraid of him getting hurt.

I'm just afraid he's going to make it seem a lot worse in court than it really is.

I'm not sure how any of this infringes on your privacy? Dad is asking to be notified when the child gets injured. The court may or may not agree that is reasonable, but shooting the father a text before sending Junior home with a band-aid can't hurt.

ElleMD said:

I'm not sure how any of this infringes on your privacy? Dad is asking to be notified when the child gets injured. The court may or may not agree that is reasonable, but shooting the father a text before sending Junior home with a band-aid can't hurt.

Click to expand...

Oh yeah I'm totally cool with that, and I told him once we drop him off, we'll let him know of any minor injuries. But we wants to know as soon as it happens, because he doesn't trust my ability to know what is serious and what's not. Like I said, he would have us rush to the emergency room over everything and that's not the way I roll.

Really, this is not the kind of thing that belongs in court. You and the father need to act like adults and talk this out. It doesn't hurt to send a text after banding up Junior to let dad know he was injured but fine. He can't force you to go to the ER. There just isn't any reason not to placate him on this. Surely the kid isn't getting injured every weekend he is with you. A couple texts a year can not possibly be that onerous or intrusive.

Well the true reason we are going is because if he does come back to his dad injured, he freaks out and threatens me to never let me see him. So we're going so the threats & keeping him away from me can stop. It may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is because if every small injury he gets ends up in a big fight, it ends up putting a lot of stress on me, my child and my partner. Like I said, if the injury was serious, we would notify him asap. But he has no right to threaten me from my son because of incidents that happen to children, it's part of life. He thinks he can control me and I'm just not having it anymore.

Unless he has actually withheld the child from you in violation of your current custody agreement, there is nothing to take to court. Parents argue with one another over kids daily. It happens. The court isn't going to rule that he can not be angry because his child was hurt or argue with you if he felt the injury was due to something you did wrong. If you are actually prevented from seeing the child, then you have something to take to court. Empty threats a few times a year during an argument over child safety just isn't actionable.