unwed father cusody advice/help

G

goneriding

New Member
On dec 10, 14 my grandson was born. My sons fiance had a doctors appointments just about everyday since Jan. 2nd. I have always gone with her (0r stayed home depending on weather) to watch their baby. I didn't mind helping at all, I even watched the baby while she attended GED classes and my son attended HVAC classes after work on Tues and Thurs just until March. Additionally, I was assisting them by watching the baby in the early morning (around 4am) so that my son could get some sleep before going to work at 7am as she could not wake up to care for the baby and usually did not get out of bed until well after 9am to relieve me. Again, I did not mind - he is a good baby.

On January 31st she had a doctors appointment, however this time she decided to take the baby on her own and go visit a friend after the appoinment. She then said that she (and my son) would be spending the weekend at her dads so he can visit with the baby. I didn't give it a second thought, until that evening she told my son that she pawned her wedding ring as was staying the weekend at a well known low end hotel - not her dads.

He was confused as she led him to believe that they were spending the weekend together.

On Feb 1st she came to the house to pick up her and the babys clothes, etc. and returned to the hotel.

On Monday, my son went to a lawyer and filed for custody/visitation. On Tuesday, I came home from taking my dad to Dialysis and there was a sheriff waiting to serve me with a protection order she filed against me stating that I came at her when she came to get her things on Saturday, which never happened.

We pay and have paid for her cell phone for a year, she continually sends threatening messages to my son, husband and until I blocked her myself.

Today, while I was gone taking my dad to Dialysis she friended a police officer and he came to my home to collect items she said she left at the house. She filed a PO against me and sent a police officer without her with him to gather her items.

Of course I was not home, but he did reach my son via phone. My son informed him that there was nobody home and asked why he was there. Our attorney stated that she can not collect any items until our hearing this Thursday and the judge hears her case against me. She is staying at her dads and her stepmother is also familar with some of the police officers in the area, she is the one that sent him to our home without probable cause or permission from his superior.

I am just looking for advice or others experiences on how to deal with this unexpected situation.

Thank you in advance.
 
goneriding said:
On dec 10, 14 my grandson was born. My sons fiance had a doctors appointments just about everyday since Jan. 2nd. I have always gone with her (0r stayed home depending on weather) to watch their baby. I didn't mind helping at all, I even watched the baby while she attended GED classes and my son attended HVAC classes after work on Tues and Thurs just until March. Additionally, I was assisting them by watching the baby in the early morning (around 4am) so that my son could get some sleep before going to work at 7am as she could not wake up to care for the baby and usually did not get out of bed until well after 9am to relieve me. Again, I did not mind - he is a good baby.

On January 31st she had a doctors appointment, however this time she decided to take the baby on her own and go visit a friend after the appoinment. She then said that she (and my son) would be spending the weekend at her dads so he can visit with the baby. I didn't give it a second thought, until that evening she told my son that she pawned her wedding ring as was staying the weekend at a well known low end hotel - not her dads.

He was confused as she led him to believe that they were spending the weekend together.

On Feb 1st she came to the house to pick up her and the babys clothes, etc. and returned to the hotel.

On Monday, my son went to a lawyer and filed for custody/visitation. On Tuesday, I came home from taking my dad to Dialysis and there was a sheriff waiting to serve me with a protection order she filed against me stating that I came at her when she came to get her things on Saturday, which never happened.

We pay and have paid for her cell phone for a year, she continually sends threatening messages to my son, husband and until I blocked her myself.

Today, while I was gone taking my dad to Dialysis she friended a police officer and he came to my home to collect items she said she left at the house. She filed a PO against me and sent a police officer without her with him to gather her items.

Of course I was not home, but he did reach my son via phone. My son informed him that there was nobody home and asked why he was there. Our attorney stated that she can not collect any items until our hearing this Thursday and the judge hears her case against me. She is staying at her dads and her stepmother is also familar with some of the police officers in the area, she is the one that sent him to our home without probable cause or permission from his superior.

I am just looking for advice or others experiences on how to deal with this unexpected situation.

Thank you in advance.
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Before an unmarried man alleging to be the father of a baby can obtain visitation, he must first establish paternity.
Once that hurdle has been overcome, a custody order will be crafted.
I won't spoil the ending to this drama you have suddenly found yourself immersed deep within, I'll permit you to observe for yourself what occurs over the next 30-60 days (and beyond).

I suggest you remain calm, avoid confrontations, grow a thick skin, and learn to avoid this young mother.
In her defense, and you might recall, hormones and post-natal issues are at play here.
Add to that a volatile relationship that is suddenly being ended it only appears that way, because 50% of marriages end, and at least 80% of these relationships, too, annually.

You've retained a lawyer, and I suggest you solicit advice ONLY from that lawyer.
I'm sure you've heard the one about the broth, and too many cooks, right?
Hang in there, ma'am, let the two parents sort it out.
You just be there for your son and maybe your grandson.
The DNA results (if you've ever seen Maury Povich's fine program) can be quite surprising.
 
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Wait a minute. Fiancees do not have wedding rings to pawn. Are they married? That changes the ballgame by a whole lot.

I sympathize more than you know. You have an attorney so my advice is to listen to and do what he or she says. Let the attorney be the point of contact and stay out of it, hard as that is to do.
 
ElleMD said:
Wait a minute. Fiancees do not have wedding rings to pawn. Are they married? That changes the ballgame by a whole lot.

I sympathize more than you know. You have an attorney so my advice is to listen to and do what he or she says. Let the attorney be the point of contact and stay out of it, hard as that is to do.
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Marriage wouldn't change anything in this scenario. If they're married, Mom can still come and go with the child as she pleases. If they're not married, the same thing applies - the only real difference is that Dad would have one more hurdle to jump.

OP, if your attorney is saying that she cannot retrieve her possessions until the hearing, that's dreadful advice. In fact, that's one of the worst pieces of advice I've ever seen on these forums. Her belongings CANNOT be withheld like that and I promise you, the person who will look bad in court won't be Mom.

Carry on at your own risk.
 
Yes but if married, paternity is already established. trying to get that done with an uncooperative partner could be challenging and take a while at best. Dad would also have as much right to go take junior as Mom.
 
No, I suppose I should have said she pawned the engagement ring - he enganged 6 months ago. She called two weeks ago to make the arrangements with the judge - he gave her a date of Feb 6. I agree, I am staying out of it - just got to let my attorney handle the Protection Order she is trying to place on me which will be this Wednesday then it is all about the parents.

ElleMD said:
Wait a minute. Fiancees do not have wedding rings to pawn. Are they married? That changes the ballgame by a whole lot.

I sympathize more than you know. You have an attorney so my advice is to listen to and do what he or she says. Let the attorney be the point of contact and stay out of it, hard as that is to do.
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Also, he is the paternal father and is on the birth certificate. The police officer came without her and he is suspended from the sheriff department. Her step-mother works at the penitentiary as a cook after being let go from the sherriff department. So she and her step-daughter spoke with this suspended police officer and sent him to the house. We don't care if she comes for her items, but the PO she served on me states that she needs court authorization first. I would think that would violate her Protective Order against me? So, I was advised that she is to wait for the judge to provide further instructions on picking up anything she left behind. She has all of her clothes, personal items and all of the babies items excluding the crib which she already has another one at her present location. Just want to get through Wednesday, at let the parents work out the visitation/custody.
 
Okay. Let's pretend for a sec that Dad is not actually legally recognized as Dad. In most states that would be a hiccup. In Oklahoma though? Nope. OK is one of only a handful of states where the acknowledged father actually stands equal to Mom. A single father 's (even verbal) acknowledgement that he's the father is actually all that he needs to begin with, just as if they were married. Sorry, but that's Okie for ya.

And in this Dad's situation, it gets better. Clever Dad has filed first - and now we know that paternity is already established, Mom better behave herself because if she tries to prolong this or keeps trying to thwart Dad's access, she's going to find herself on the wrong side of a snippy judge. Thankfully the "tender years doctrine" is all but dead in the water.
 
Thank you very much for the response, your wording and input was very soothing.


Proserpina said:
Okay. Let's pretend for a sec that Dad is not actually legally recognized as Dad. In most states that would be a hiccup. In Oklahoma though? Nope. OK is one of only a handful of states where the acknowledged father actually stands equal to Mom. A single father 's (even verbal) acknowledgement that he's the father is actually all that he needs to begin with, just as if they were married. Sorry, but that's Okie for ya.

And in this Dad's situation, it gets better. Clever Dad has filed first - and now we know that paternity is already established, Mom better behave herself because if she tries to prolong this or keeps trying to thwart Dad's access, she's going to find herself on the wrong side of a snippy judge. Thankfully the "tender years doctrine" is all but dead in the water.
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