Custody of my niece

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Maira

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I was wondering if I can get custody of my niece. My brother and his girlfriend are always telling my mother to come and get my niece because they don't want her anymore. My mother can't take care of her. My mother has health problems and works long hours. I'm married and we have two kids. We would love to have my niece with us. I have called CPS on them before. My niece is underweight and her mother is a hoarder. They just told them to take my niece to the doctor about her weight and to clean their house. I know that she is still underweight and that their home is bad again. What can I do??
 
Has your brother ever established paternity? If he isn't married to the mother, he needs to do that. Even then, you would need to file in court to get custody and your chances if the biological parents object and your niece has not been removed from their care are very slim. The courts do not look at who can provide the best home for a child. The presumption is that the child should live with the biological parents unless there is an imminent threat. Being underweight won't cut it. Neither will a messy house or asking a grandparent to care for her. If bro and the mother are truly not interested in being parents, you can ask them if they would agree to let you care for the child. That is going to be your easiest route.
 
How old is the child, and how much does the child actually weigh?


(I'm asking for a reason)
 
Afterthought:

I strongly suggest rethinking the idea of "sitting down" with the parents.

CPS has decided there is no need for the child to be removed. That's it. The matter is now moot. Once you start pushing the issue there's an excellent chance of the parents taking the child and never allowing you to see her again.

Tread carefully. If you make the wrong decision, you will have permanently damaged the relationship you and the rest of the family have enjoyed.
 
We were rethinking about the "sit down" but we are still going to do it. Her mother has gotten more verbally abusive. My brother and his girlfriend yell at my niece whenever she ask for something. Her mother has said that she can't handle my niece anymore. My niece has ADHD. My niece she a very hyper child but if you keep her busy, she does really well. My brother and grilfriend love to play video games, watch tv, and sleep. They basically never want to do anything with her. We all have seen this behavior.
 
We were rethinking about the "sit down" but we are still going to do it. Her mother has gotten more verbally abusive. My brother and his girlfriend yell at my niece whenever she ask for something. Her mother has said that she can't handle my niece anymore. My niece has ADHD. My niece she a very hyper child but if you keep her busy, she does really well. My brother and grilfriend love to play video games, watch tv, and sleep. They basically never want to do anything with her. We all have seen this behavior.

If you're concerned about the child, forget custody for the time being.
Approach it in this manner: mom is older, not doing well with her health, and WE were wondering how we could help mom, you guys, and little LuLu (just a name to represent the girl, don't want to use her real name) more.

Mike (a name for your husband, protecting his identity, too) and I were wondering if we could watch sweet, little LuLu for 4-5 days a week, more if mom needs us to spell her?

Mike and I were thinking we could all try this for 30 days, and talk about it after 30 days and see if mom needs more rest, you guys, too.

Don't mention custody, because if they approve, the child will be properly patented, schooled, fed, loved, and get medical care.

Then you go slow and nice, get it last at least 6 months and then see what happens.

As Proserpina said, the last thing you want to do is get pushy and make enemies of them.
 
We were rethinking about the "sit down" but we are still going to do it. Her mother has gotten more verbally abusive. My brother and his girlfriend yell at my niece whenever she ask for something. Her mother has said that she can't handle my niece anymore. My niece has ADHD. My niece she a very hyper child but if you keep her busy, she does really well. My brother and grilfriend love to play video games, watch tv, and sleep. They basically never want to do anything with her. We all have seen this behavior.


I think you're in for a very nasty surprise. None of what you said here even comes close to being legally unfit. Not one thing.

I've seen this before so many times. Family members insisting they know best and are far better parents, actually ganging up against the parent, and ending up NEVER seeing the children again. With regards to the 9 year old, here's were she fits:

At 9 years:

your child is 60 pounds, and that is at the 35th percentile for weight.

your child is 54 inches, and that is at the 73rd percentile for height.

You can read more here: http://www.blubberbuster.com/cgi/calculator3.cgi


Do what you wish - but keep four boxes of Kleenex on hand. You're doing this the wrong way, and if it were me, you wouldn't even get past the front gate.
 
I think you're in for a very nasty surprise. None of what you said here even comes close to being legally unfit. Not one thing.

I've seen this before so many times. Family members insisting they know best and are far better parents, actually ganging up against the parent, and ending up NEVER seeing the children again. With regards to the 9 year old, here's were she fits:

At 9 years:






Do what you wish - but keep four boxes of Kleenex on hand. You're doing this the wrong way, and if it were me, you wouldn't even get past the front gate.

It's not that I believe, we know what's best for my niece. It's just hard to see them ignoring my niece and my niece telling me that her parents don't love her because they're always yelling at her or saying they don't want her. It's hard having her tell me that she doesn't eat breakfast because they have no milk or anything to eat at home. They never have money for food but they do have it for new video games. I can't be giving them money for food forever.
 
It may be hard but no child is going to be removed from the home because the parents are poor money managers or don't play enough with the child. Are they going to win "Parent of The Year"? No, but the standard to remove a child is very high. I had a niece in a somewhat similar situation and my SIL wasn't fit to care for a goldfish. "Dad" was absent from the picture and there was a revolving door of guys who were stepdads or fiancés. I bought her most of her clothes each season and took her for weekends to do fun, kid stuff her mother never bothered to do. To this day, we still have a relationship and she has always known she can come to me for anything. She is 19, in college and has defeated both nature and nurture. It is possible. My advice is to stay in her life and help her where you can. I'd have taken my niece in a heartbeat as well, but trying to make that happen would have been a losing proposition and would have made her life even more difficult.

And her size isn't that problematic. It my 10 year old check up, I weighed 63 pounds and was 54 inches tall. Don't ask me why I remember that.
 
It's difficult to see a child suffering and you want to do something about it. We have a similar situation with grandkids and we do like Elle did with her niece. We take care of what they need as best we can,and spend as much time with them as we can. (Yes we recently bought food for their house) Be careful because if the parents get the idea that you really want the child, they may just use that as leverage.
 
It's not that I believe, we know what's best for my niece. It's just hard to see them ignoring my niece and my niece telling me that her parents don't love her because they're always yelling at her or saying they don't want her. It's hard having her tell me that she doesn't eat breakfast because they have no milk or anything to eat at home. They never have money for food but they do have it for new video games. I can't be giving them money for food forever.

This is a key point in my opinion.

She's not starving. She might not be eating the food she wants to eat, but she's not starving. She's not even "questionable" on the bell curve. You're hearing that there's no food, and they're always playing video games, and they always yell at her. What is actually happening is that at there's a lot of exaggeration going on. If that was genuinely the case, she wouldn't still be in the home (and trust me, if CPS wanted her out they'd remove her no matter what - even to the point where they're stomping the rights of her parents!. Nobody at her school has reported anything (and most, if not all, employees are mandated reporters).

ETA: what Elle said.

One other thing. In terms of the grandparents wanting custody, they have a monumental task. Child Services have not seen fit to remove the child, and the court will rely very heavily on that. In terms of visitation, they have no chance at this point.
 
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