I do not want baby, father won't consent to adoption

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hr1997

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Sorry, just saw the adoption forum after posting, so I guess this needs moved.

I'm pregnant and have decided I don't really want to be involved with the baby. I have been strongly leaning toward adoption. The father has recently told me that he doesn't want adoption and will not consent to it. So, I guess I am wondering if there is anyway to go ahead with adoption even if he consents? If not, and he would be willing to keep the baby himself, can I completely sign over my rights?
 
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Sorry, just saw the adoption forum after posting, so I guess this needs moved.

I'm pregnant and have decided I don't really want to be involved with the baby. I have been strongly leaning toward adoption. The father has recently told me that he doesn't want adoption and will not consent to it. So, I guess I am wondering if there is anyway to go ahead with adoption even if he consents? If not, and he would be willing to keep the baby himself, can I completely sign over my rights?

If you're not married, the man isn't the legal father.
Before the man can become the legal father, he'd have to go to court, jump through hoops, say certain magical words, do certain tests, and the judge would have to declare his paternal rights (ASSUMING he prevailed in his lawsuit)!!!

The man's lawsuit can't begin until after the baby is born.

At this point, only a court can interfere with your choices, LEGALLY.
So, IGNORE him, stop any involvement with him; mind your own business.

You could abort the baby without his permission.
Generally, you can adopt the baby using an adoption agency.
No man claiming tone the father of the baby has standing to interfere.
Stop communicating with him, if you no longer want him and the fetus in your life.
Do what you want to do, SECRETLY, QUIETLY.
Haven't you heard the phrase: A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE?
Good luck in whatever you decide.
Adoption is the best choice if you aren't ready to be a mom.
 
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If you're not married, the man isn't the legal father.
Before the man can become the legal father, he'd have to go to court, jump through hoops, say certain magical words, do certain tests, and the judge would have to declare his paternal rights (ASSUMING he prevailed in his lawsuit)!!!

The man's lawsuit can't begin until after the baby is born.

At this point, only a court can interfere with your choices, LEGALLY.
So, IGNORE him, stop any involvement with him; mind your own business.

You could abort the baby without his permission.
Generally, you can adopt the baby using an adoption agency.
No man claiming tone the father of the baby has standing to interfere.
Stop communicating with him, if you no longer want him and the fetus in your life.
Do what you want to do, SECRETLY, QUIETLY.
Haven't you heard the phrase: A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE?
Good luck in whatever you decide.
Adoption is the best choice if you aren't ready to be a mom.

Of course I've heard of a woman's right to choose, but it seems like it becomes more complicated when adoption is involved. I did consider having an abortion earlier on. I wasn't completely sure what I wanted, so I didn't go through with it. If I had decided to have an abortion I would have done it with or without his consent.
At that point, he was supportive of any decision I wanted to make. After the ultrasound, which he did go to, he decided he wanted to keep the baby. He told me to not even bother with adoption because he will contest it. Apparently he has talked to lawyers as well. I feel like I probably don't have any options at this point because he has been involved, he has expressed that he wants to be a parent, etc. I guess I would have to lie about knowing who the father is, but I doubt that would work because all he has to do is take that to court and get a DNA test.
I guess I have already allowed him to get too involved. I just never expected this reaction from him.
 
So give him custody of the baby and leave it at that. Why is that so hard?
 
So, this is all about your feelings? I see.

It's good for the baby. It's good for him. But you feel guilty, so he doesn't get to have his child and the baby doesn't get to stay with her father.

Nice.
 
If you don't want to be a parent to the child, then why not let the child at least have the father as a parent. It seems the father wants the baby.
 
Of course I've heard of a woman's right to choose, but it seems like it becomes more complicated when adoption is involved. I did consider having an abortion earlier on. I wasn't completely sure what I wanted, so I didn't go through with it. If I had decided to have an abortion I would have done it with or without his consent.
At that point, he was supportive of any decision I wanted to make. After the ultrasound, which he did go to, he decided he wanted to keep the baby. He told me to not even bother with adoption because he will contest it. Apparently he has talked to lawyers as well. I feel like I probably don't have any options at this point because he has been involved, he has expressed that he wants to be a parent, etc. I guess I would have to lie about knowing who the father is, but I doubt that would work because all he has to do is take that to court and get a DNA test.
I guess I have already allowed him to get too involved. I just never expected this reaction from him.


See a mental health professional. If you are pursuing adoption, contact several agencies. They'll assist you with any legal issues. Adoption agencies, good ones, will even offer you counseling and other support and encouragement.
Babies are human beings.
You can't gift them like puppies.

If you simply allow him to seek legal custody, it'll eventually end in you potentially PAYING HIM CHILD SUPPORT. This often occurs after he gets married or moves in with his SQUEEZE or BOO. She'll want him to make you pay YOUR SHARE of child support.

Yeah, that happens sometimes.
 
And of course, we are absolutely certain that during the hearing that is required by state law no matter what agency she uses, the court is not going to grant custody to the father anyway?
 
I don't really have any chance with that hearing. He is already working with a lawyer and knows what needs to be done as far as once the baby is born and establishing that he is the father. I guess that would be my only way around it, if he just didn't know the procedures and the time, which appears to be 20 days, is up.
I just came here because I thought maybe I was missing something, but it looks like legally, thanks to that link above, there is nothing I can do to fight it. I doubt it'd be worth it to fight it. I had just read something else that said I couldn't relinquish my rights even if we both agreed on it, but that is what I think I want to do. Now that I've read through the legal procedures, it sounds like I should be able to do it. I know it sounds horrible and cold to do, but I had decided on adoption because I just don't feel ready for the responsibility of a child in anyway. If he keeps the baby, I still want to cut all ties just like I would do with adoption.
 
Just because you have parental rights doe snot mean you have to exercise them. Simply put if Dad wants this child then he should have child rather than adoption. You can choose to have nothing to do with child if you wish (not recommended). You can still have what you want just without the adoption. You want nothing to do with child and you can still have that without denying Dad his parental rights or arrange an unlawful adoption
 
Just because you have parental rights doe snot mean you have to exercise them. Simply put if Dad wants this child then he should have child rather than adoption. You can choose to have nothing to do with child if you wish (not recommended). You can still have what you want just without the adoption. You want nothing to do with child and you can still have that without denying Dad his parental rights or arrange an unlawful adoption

I do not want to do anything mean to the father and I also don't want to do anything unlawful. I guess I just feel bad because if he keeps the child I feel as if I have to be in the kid's life too.
 
That is your feeling but that should not keep Father from loving his own child. If you don't want in child's life that's your choice but you cannot make your "choice" effect the Father and his rights
 
You're making this all about your feelings. How about giving a thought or two about what's best for the baby?

If the natural father didn't want the baby I'd be right behind you on adoption. I wish more parents would consider adoption instead of abortion. I give you a lot of credit for taking that route. But it's not fair to either the father or the baby to force an adoption when he wants his child.
 
You're making this all about your feelings. How about giving a thought or two about what's best for the baby?

If the natural father didn't want the baby I'd be right behind you on adoption. I wish more parents would consider adoption instead of abortion. I give you a lot of credit for taking that route. But it's not fair to either the father or the baby to force an adoption when he wants his child.

I have given it thought. I struggle with deciding what is best. Is it best to be raised by her natural father and not have a mother at all (unless he marries eventually, and if course I have no say in who she is)? Or is it best to be adopted into a loving 2 parent home that I pick, where I know she will have a mother that is ready and wants that role? In the end though, it doesn't matter what I feel is best because legally there is no lawful way to terminate his rights unless he suddenly drops out of the picture by his own choice.
 
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Who said YOU get to pick adoptive parents? Your being selfish. If the Father wants child then he should get her. Its not up to YOU to decide if Dad gets his own child or not. By your own statements you want nothing to do with child. Let it go. You cannot take away the Fathers rights just because you choose not to keep child.
 
Who said YOU get to pick adoptive parents? Your being selfish. If the Father wants child then he should get her. Its not up to YOU to decide if Dad gets his own child or not. By your own statements you want nothing to do with child. Let it go. You cannot take away the Fathers rights just because you choose not to keep child.

Well, if I was doing adoption, I would pick the family my child went to. Of course, if I was doing adoption and the father was on board with it, I would involve him in picking the family too.

I believe I have stated that since reading through the information link provided on the first page, I understand that legally there is no way for me to go ahead with adoption as long as he opposes it and takes the steps he is supposed to take in court to establish his rights.
 
I do not want to do anything mean to the father and I also don't want to do anything unlawful. I guess I just feel bad because if he keeps the child I feel as if I have to be in the kid's life too.

Let the Father have the child - he wants the child. You then have to make a decision whether to be in the child's life or not. (your decision)
 
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