Can mother modify child custody due to fathers new disability

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dmorris215

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6 months ago, my bf was diagnosed with epilepsy. We live in PA, & by law he is considered disabled & his drivers license was revoked & he is not allowed to work or drive until signed off by his neurologist until he is 6 months seizure free. His usual days with his son were monday night after school until about 7pm, tuesday as well, thursdays picked up from school & sleeps over & my bf drives him to school friday mornings, & then every other weekend. The time spent with both parents was pretty equal.
With no income & no way to pick his son up (we had a car that unfortunately died shortly after his diagnosis so I was doing the driving until that point) my bf is now only seeing his son every other weekend. His mother refuses to do any of the driving out of spite, even though 2 years ago when she couldnt afford to feed her child, my bf was going to her apartment & stocking her fridge to make sure her & his son were okay. Obviously those things are irrelevant to her now.
She is seeking full custody of their son. He recieved court date papers.

In my opinion, shes digging herself a grave & will end up laughed at down at court. Trying to remove a loving fathers relationship with his son all because he's down right now is absurd & cruel. Shes vindictive & even brainwashes her son who has told us that "mommy tells me not to talk to your girlfriend daddy, but i love her and i won't listen." It sad. I'm also a PA dept of health EMT for the city of philadelphiaa. He is more than safe with both of us. He is fed, showered, gets taken care off....it's just things are rough right now & we don't have much money or a way to get around to do much with him recently. But this has only been an issue for the past 6 months. My question, is, is it even possible for her to recieve & modify the childs custody? My bf is not ill-equipped to take care of his son. She's just trying to kick him while she's down. I can't see the courts granting her full custody. PLEASE HELP. There is no proof that he has been or ever will be a threat to his child. I can see a care standing possibly if they were alone together, & he were to have a seizure. But I am here every time his son is, & so is my boyfriends father. His seizures are also controlled by medication. He has not had one in 4 months.
 
Thanks for sharing all of that.
You feel cleansed now, right?
Many things are possible, but never achieved.
He'll have to go to court and defend her accusations.
I hope his health improves.
Great, good luck!
 
He will need to go to court on the court date. He might want to talk to a lawyer.
 
If I were him, I would request the court modify the order making her responsible for pickup and drop off. Co- parenting is not rocket science and courts have little tolerance for parents playing games.
 
Go to court with support. Support of an attorney would be best, but also support of family members who can testify on his/your behalf.
We cannot predict what will happen on that day and which way a judge will rule.
 
I would strongly suggest he have an opinion from his doctor as to his ability to care for his son on his own. As you have no legal standing in this situation and no legal obligation to be there or help, it is unlikely that your presence and promise to be on hand will mean much. I can understand the mother's concern over leaving a young child with someone who has a history of seizures and no means of transportation should the child need.
 
I can also understand the mothers concern in leaving her son here with us on weekends. However, this is all fairly new. His diagnosis wasn't given until 4 months ago. Up until then, he was driving, had a car & there were zero issues. He paid more than what was needed in child support, did 80% of the driving & had his son mondays, tuesdays, thursdays & every other weekend. It was pretty much split down the middle. She doesn't want to do any of the driving. And at the moment, I also do not have a car. I will very soon, within the next couple of months. So I can be of assistance once I do get one. But while he is unable to pick up & drop off his son, she uses it to her advantage that he won't be able to see him unless he has a ride. It's a lot of driving. I do understand parts of it. But I know that most of it is out of spite, especially after the things she has said to her son about his dad "not caring" and telling him not to like me. He's 8 & easily convinced. The child is 8. He is capable of using a phone if something WERE to happen if nobody else was around. It's not like he is an infant. He is a very well behaved child as well. The lack of transporation is only temporary. As soon as all of this epilepsy stuff began is when she started making it as difficult as possible for my boyfriend to see his son. I'm not a mother, but if I were I know I'd help as much as possible for my son to get to see his father just for the sake of having more time with eachother. It is vital in my eyes for a child to have both parents in their life as much as possible. She is forcing the idea of her new boyfriend being more of a "dad" to their son because "since mommys boyfriend is around more, he;;s more of a father to you" It's so sad. We are in the process of getting all necessary paperwork in order before the court date, but what would you guys suggest Papers stating from his doctor that his son is safe in his care...what else?? I didn't know it was possible to modify that she has to do the pick ups & drop offs. Thats a great thing to know. And it wouldn't be forever. He just wants more time with his son. Thats all. Thank you for all of your suggestions...keep them coming!!
 
My boyfriend also recently got accepted for food stamps. This was yesterday. Since then, he has contacted his sons mother & said he was going to send his son home with a bunch of food for lunches & snacks for the week. She declined the offer & said that her boyfriend and her had it taken care of, and his offer was not needed. Since he is not working, he's also not paying child support. He's never had an issue with it though. He is not in "arrears" or however you spell it (sorry, I don't know much about this stuff) But figured that would be a huge help and a weight off her shoulders food-wise for the week. Declining that help is going to clearly show the courts that she's just playing games. I know they have no tolerance for this type of thing. He has all of the text messages saved. But you'd think, after all the name calling & b.s. about him not being able to help recently, that she'd HAPPILY take that offer, right? Nope, not her. Opinions?
 
He clear as day wants everything in the world to do with his son, & to help with any & everything needed for him to have a happy & healthy life. There is no way the courts won't see this. She is modifying for supervised visitation & full custody. It's all so unnecessaery. Do you think the courts will see this as well?
 
Also, is there any point in me going to court with him? Of course I want to provide the moral support, I don't really see a reason as to why I should go honestly. Unless he wanted me to. But as far as the child being "left" if something were to happen, there are many family members who live close, his mother also lives within 1 minutes driving distance,,,we have so many friends & family that live close nough to be able to come get him if something were to happen. But like I said, his seizures are under control on his new medication. So hopefully we won't have to worry about this at all anymore.
 
& sorry for all the questions, I want to make sure I cover all the bases. & I meant his mother lives within 10 minutes** I'm typing this all out on a phone, please excuse the grammar mistakes
 
There is no need for you to be there. Refusing food purchased with food stamps isn't going to be proof of anything. The fact that your bf isn't paying anything in child support does not work in his favor. He should be paying something. The child does not stop having needs because Dad is strapped for cash. Expecting an 8 year old to take responsibility in a medical emergency is not realistic. There is a reason children of that age can not be legally left unsupervised.

There is no way to predict what a court will do but you have a Dad who isn't paying support, with a medical condition that could present a safety risk for the child and no means of transportation other than relying on friends and family should the child fall ill, or need something. It certainly doesn't scream to a judge to increase the amount of time the child spends with Dad. Dad might have better luck if he agrees to supervised visits for the time being at his mother's house.
 
By law he is unable to work until he is 6 months seizure free therefore exempting him from paying child support. He has ALWAYS paid child support when he was working. Like I said, this is only temporary until he is signed off by his doctor that he can work again, & then child support will be automatically taken out of his checks again. He has no issues with paying it. He just wants more time with his child! And she would never allow (even if she asked for it in court) for their sons father to actually come into their home & "watch" his son under her supervision. Which could get her into trouble if she resisted doing so after court orders, But she's a very spiteful human being. There is always somebody home besides just his son & himself. The child is never left unattended. I live here as well as my bfs father, his sister & her 3 children as well. People lose their jobs, their means or transportation all the time. This isn't a laziness issue. It's a medical condition that due to PA state law requires him not to work or drive whatsoever until he is 6 months seizure free.

I do not think it's appropriate for me to go down to court with him. This is his issue. All I can do is provide as much information as possible in order to help him. He's a good dad who wants to see his son. Having a medical condition should not inhibit the time spent with his son. That just doesn't seem right to me. It's not my place to go down there with him. I don't want the drama, I don't want her thinking I'm overstepping my boundaries because I in no way want to do that. I just want to support my boyfriend, that's it.
 
There is only so much he can do right now. I think receiving food stamps and offering the ENTIRETY of the 300$ extra a month to his sons mother as help would be a fantastic gesture, but she's refusing. It shows that even though court orders say he is not allowed to pay child support right now due to unemployment & his condition, that he IS trying to do whatever he can in order to provide for his child. Most people wouldn't mention a damn word about financial state help. She's refusing and saying things like "don't worry about it, me and my new boyfriend take good care of him & we don't need your help." It's child alienation. She fills her childs head up with nonsense such as daddy not being around so he must not care, daddy is a loser because he doesn't drive, daddys girlfriend is a loser too. I'm an EMT for the city of philadelphia & my bf has been union for 3 years making over 30$ an hour. This is nonsense. Out of all the hate in this world, why would a parent ever want to limit the love in which a child can experience?
 
I am familiar with the requirement that he not drive till he is six months seizure free. What does he do that he is mandated by law not to WORK until he is six months seizure free?
 
Further, giving state provided benefits to someone else is fraud. Kudos to the mother for not taking him up on his offer. Those benefits are for him as supposedly he needs them for himself. If he is giving away $300, that would be fraud.

There is also no law which says a person can not work at all for 6 months. Not even close. The vast majority of those with Epilepsy and seizure disorders do work. They may not drive, but they work. His child's needs have not stopped because he is out of work. Perhaps a modification is in order but he should be paying something.

Either way, mom has a very good reason for being angry and concerned. The court is looking at whether or not the FATHER can care for the child safely. Not whether those who happen to live with him and have no legal claim to the child might be able to care for him. It is the father's responsibility, not any one else's.
 
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