Right of First Refusal Question

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mykidsdad

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My right of first refusal clause is as follows (word for word):

In the event the parent regularly scheduled to care for the children would use an alternative caregiver for a period of more than four hour(sic), that parent shall offer a right of first refusal to the other parent in caring for the children before arranging for an alternate caregiver.

My ex has abused this clause to hurt my parents. On multiple occasions my parents wanted the boys to stay with them for an activity or other grandparent time, but she has swooped in and grabbed them up and not allowed my parents to keep the boys. This was always on my time.

The question I have is:

This coming weekend, I have two tickets to a college football game and my parent and some friends (all church friends, and tea tollers, so not a wild and crazy tailgate) are planning to have a tailgate before the game, and then attend the game.

I was going to let my two oldest boys have my two tickets so they can enjoy my parents and the tailgate, and I would stay home with my youngest and watch the game on TV.

This will be over 4 hours. Does this constitute something I would have to ask her about? I'm not arranging a caregiver so that I can go out, but allowing the boys to attend a fun activity, and I will be watching my little one.

I know if I ask her it will be a major ordeal, but I don't want to violate the agreement either.

I hate this clause because it allows the other person to just be vindictive and takes away my ability to allow my boys to have some grandparent time or other time on an outing potentially... Seems like an overnight birthday party, or other things would be at risk if he choose if I have to let her have the choice in those cases.
 
Nothing we say has any influence on your ability to choose.
I think you know your answer.
You've said you won't violate the order.
Bully for you, because that's a great parenting lesson.
That's something you can use to illustrate to your kids that character counts.
Good on you, mate,you don't need us dummies.
You're a pretty bright guy, blessed with a strong internal set of core values.

The only thing I would change is to hold a backyard tailgate with your parents and children.
Then you all can watch the game in that massive 80 incher you own!!! LOL
Seriously, you're connecting the dots, mate.
 
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There are technicalities...so didn't know if some things are considered different than oters, so just checking... I guess some of it is being hopefull there is something differnet than I think lol I don't really want to contact my lawyer because its 250 an hour and 2 emails cost me 200...ugh...
 
There are technicalities...so didn't know if some things are considered different than oters, so just checking... I guess some of it is being hopefull there is something differnet than I think lol I don't really want to contact my lawyer because its 250 an hour and 2 emails cost me 200...ugh...

I understand that $250 does add up, becoming $1,00 quicker than you know it.

As a dad, I'd rather gift the $1,000 to my kids than give it away for answers I could obtain easier. LOL

One last point, my friend, by holding a backyard tailgate with your parents and other family and friends in attendance, you're creating grander memories for your kids.
They'll remember that Saturday with dad, gramps and grams in your backyard cooking, eating, laughing, all with family and friends.
My silly grand kids think I'm the best guy ever. It makes me smile to even type that, as well as blush.
My son, a pretty great guy in his own right, says I'm bigger than life to them.
My daughter-in-law giggles in amazement how I can get them behave by simply asking.
My point is, to your kids, your parents are amazing people.
You hold a backyard tailgating party, then watch some great college football, and it'll be one of the greatest days you or them will ever remember.

Kids simply want to be protected, nurtured, and loved. What better way than this to involve them in something you love, let them deeper into your world. I'm sure being with them is far more important than being at the game to you. Besides, you'll have the best seats anyway, LOL.

My point is, that eliminates the "right of first refusal BS", makes your kids happy, and you can see the game better right there in the comfort, privacy, and splendor of your own home. Heck, give the tickets away to someone that doesn't have kids, or cares for them as deeply as you do.
Besides, for two old cheapskates like us (LOL), more fun, less costs.
 
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Or, all of you attend the tailgate together. The game itself is going to be thankfully less than 4 hours.

Spend time with the grandparents together. Doesn't mean you have to hover over everything they do, but you can be present. If the grandparents want to take the boys to the zoo, go along and spend some time off on your own looking at things the boys aren't interested in seeing to give them some time with just the grands.

If it is a big enough issue, get the order modified to allow a certain number of grandparent visits or exceptions to the rule for things like sleep overs and birthday parties.
 
I understand that $250 does add up, becoming $1,00 quicker than you know it.

As a dad, I'd rather gift the $1,000 to my kids than give it away for answers I could obtain easier. LOL

One last point, my friend, by holding a backyard tailgate with your parents and other family and friends in attendance, you're creating grander memories for your kids.
They'll remember that Saturday with dad, gramps and grams in your backyard cooking, eating, laughing, all with family and friends.
My silly grand kids think I'm the best guy ever. It makes me smile to even type that, as well as blush.
My son, a pretty great guy in his own right, says I'm bigger than life to them.
My daughter-in-law giggles in amazement how I can get them behave by simply asking.
My point is, to your kids, your parents are amazing people.
You hold a backyard tailgating party, then watch some great college football, and it'll be one of the greatest days you or them will ever remember.

Kids simply want to be protected, nurtured, and loved. What better way than this to involve them in something you love, let them deeper into your world. I'm sure being with them is far more important than being at the game to you. Besides, you'll have the best seats anyway, LOL.

My point is, that eliminates the "right of first refusal BS", makes your kids happy, and you can see the game better right there in the comfort, privacy, and splendor of your own home. Heck, give the tickets away to someone that doesn't have kids, or cares for them as deeply as you do.
Besides, for two old cheapskates like us (LOL), more fun, less costs.

I actually ended up buying two more tickets so that I can just take all 3... My boys have been going with me to the games for years, and love it as much as I do... My oldest has gotten to go to the tailgate before (my parents do it once a year) but my two youngest haven't, and wanted to do that, so just biting the bullet and buying them...

As for cheaper places to find answers, why do you think im here lol... Im just getting frustrated that she seems to have the freedom to push me around almost at will, and I just have to take it. If it was just the parenting plan it would be fine, I could tell her to stick it, but we agreed on extra time, so I have to bite my lip or she will take it away, even if she finally agreed to it at the request of the kids... and she is so emotionally up and down that when she is down, she looks for ways to pull the kids back from me so I have less contact just to hurt me...

Anyway, ill live, just enjoy the time I do have with them, I know at least there is a baseline she cant touch!
 
Or, all of you attend the tailgate together. The game itself is going to be thankfully less than 4 hours.

Spend time with the grandparents together. Doesn't mean you have to hover over everything they do, but you can be present. If the grandparents want to take the boys to the zoo, go along and spend some time off on your own looking at things the boys aren't interested in seeing to give them some time with just the grands.

If it is a big enough issue, get the order modified to allow a certain number of grandparent visits or exceptions to the rule for things like sleep overs and birthday parties.

id love to get that clause modified to exclude grandparents...but she is being vindictive them them as well, and I know she will fight anything I try... guess I can ask and see how hard that would be to get through and done...but at this point, I don't see her agreeing to anything unless it was benefiting her unfortunately.
 
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