Is there anything I can do?

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sweetiepie

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When I was 17 I was hanging out with friends and ended up getting drunk and passing out. I woke up next to my 22 year old friend, who said we had sex the night before. I was passed out so I remember nothing. I was so mad but I didn't know what to do so I kept quiet. A month later I found out I was pregnant from that night so I really did not want to press charges because I did not want my son to know how he was conceived. When I told the father I was pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion but I said no so he moved and didn't talk to me the whole pregnancy. His name is not on the birth certificate and my son has my last name. After I had my son he said he was going to be around, but didn't contact me for another 9 months. He recently told me he had people spying on me the entire time and knew exactly what was going on, even knew he was sick, but still never contacted me. Is there anything I can do to make sure he can't get custody or visitation? I know I can't prove what happened the night I got pregnant, but I don't want him around me or my son. He told me he was going to jail for stolen property and drugs, but I don't know if that is true or not. Is there anything I can do now, even though he legally has no rights to him as of now? I have no proof but I am scared of him. He also does not pay child support.
 
If you want him out of your life, stop communicating with him.

He has no parental rights.
He'll never have any parental rights unless he goes to court, seeks a DNA test to prove he's the daddy, and petitions the court to assign him paternal rights to include visitation and child support obligations.

No way is some dead beat RAPIST, and child molester ever going to go to court except if he was arrested and being made to answer for his alleged crimes.

So, avoid the bum, keep your child way from him, and you can honestly say, "I don't know who raped me, so I don't know who the kid's dad might be. I was a child and they raped me, took advantage of me, but God blessed me with my precious child."

You just recite that to yourself when doubt creeps into your mind.
But, you probably don't want to say anything more to your child, except to say, "God sent you to me, honey, like He sent Jesus to Mary and Joseph!"

Good luck. I commend you for trying to stand strong and do your best.
 
Pretty sure Mary wasn't drunk and it is offensive to compare a religious figure to a passed out teenager and potential rapist.

As for the OP, you don't say when or where any of this happened so it is impossible to state whether or not you could still prosecute. It is unclear if you want nothing to do with this guy, why you still speak with him. Easiest way to end the relationship is to end the relationship. If you want child support, you will need to establish paternity and seek it through the courts. This is separate from custody or even visitation. It is unlikely that if paternity is established and this guy wants custody or visitation, that it would be denied absent a whole lot more than you shared. If this guy has no interest in being a father, then he might not even seek custody of any kind.

I do strongly suggest getting yourself into counseling. You are a young parent with a questionable relationship with the father of your child and possibly a victim of assault and issues with substance abuse as well. A counselor can help you sort out these issues and deal with them in a constructive way. One day your son is going to ask who his Dad is and you are going to want to have a way to answer him. None of this is easy and it is not something a teenager is going to have a ready way to deal with.
 
Pretty sure Mary wasn't drunk and it is offensive to compare a religious figure to a passed out teenager and potential rapist.

She just get it judge. she has no compassion of other peoples pain. There here for mostly support and miss stick it to her like the law is everything instead of have compassion and understanding. kind of why the world is the way it is. bitter .... maybe your wifes support group can add Md to it :) smh
 
It happened at his house. There were a group of people there, but none of them talk to me anymore, they all took his side when he got mad for me not getting an abortion. I do not talk to him, he recently got ahold of me and told me he wants to get his life together. He seems really controlling just over text and tells me when he is coming to see him, doesn't even ask. He is not seeing him. I want my sons father to be a father, but the thought of me OR my son being around him, I start shaking. i cant be around him. I don't reply anymore, but I have no evidence of anything to get a restraining order. And it's not like I purposely passed out. I don't know how I passed out, I didn't feel that drunk when I passed out. I know I made a mistake, but it happened. I just want to protect my kid now.
 
It happened at his house. There were a group of people there, but none of them talk to me anymore, they all took his side when he got mad for me not getting an abortion. I do not talk to him, he recently got ahold of me and told me he wants to get his life together. He seems really controlling just over text and tells me when he is coming to see him, doesn't even ask. He is not seeing him. I want my sons father to be a father, but the thought of me OR my son being around him, I start shaking. i cant be around him. I don't reply anymore, but I have no evidence of anything to get a restraining order. And it's not like I purposely passed out. I don't know how I passed out, I didn't feel that drunk when I passed out. I know I made a mistake, but it happened. I just want to protect my kid now.

Sweetpie that above comment from me wasn;t meant in reference to your post. I was replying to the comment about ellemd mocking the army judges comparison of mary and jesus to what happened to you. She's just wrapped to tight. Judhe has compassion and great wisdom and advice listen to him and ignore the ones who only knock you down further then u already are. Your young and have so much to live and learn. Always listen to your inner feelings there never wrong. The idiot probably slipped a pill in your drink. Called rape date drug. Think about today and tomorrow and let ago of yesterdays because its done. I think you know what is right and whats wrong. Love those who love you and lose the users. God Bless You and your baby. Remember your never alone
 
It is nonetheless an inappropriate comparison, however much you like AJ for telling you what you want to hear.
 
Can we please get off of this comparison. I don't see what the big deal about it is. Mary and Joseph was blessed with a baby, and so was I. Completely different circumstances, but come on.
 
I give less credibility to her I was so drunk I don't know what happened story based on my experiences. I have had more than one rodeo where the woman denied anything ever happened, when they had spent the night throwing themselves at me. The one I remember best was me, my (now) wife and a friend of hers at a drive in. I was making my way from front seat, to back seat, to front seat through the whole movie. The next day the preachers daughter swore nothing had happened. My (now) wife was shocked she was in such blatant denial.
 
Sorry I'm not going to argue with you about what I remember and don't remember. A 22 year old guy took advantage of me (then 17) while I was drunk and passed out. If you want to compare my story with yours, fine. I don't see what sense that makes though because obviously they're different situations. The only thing I've been denying was drinking. I've told everyone I wasn't drinking and it was consensual, when it was not. I'm scared to be around him and I'm scared for my son to be. I'm asking what can I do, not if you believe my story or not.
 
The easiest thing you can do is move and ignore him. Remember there is no child support coming with that decision. You should explain to your child when he is older the truth about his daddy. That will not stop him from getting a new one if you are wise in your choice of partners to live with and marry. I might suggest that since you were not in focus for a while there may have been more site injections than you were aware of or you may have been involved in transfer from multiple site injections. Ten years down the road a DNA test might shock YOU.
 
Sweetpie if you run now from this problem that's what you'll be doing the rest of your like. Stand up to him and am not talking face to face. Next time he texts you respond back telling him if he doesnt leave you alone that you will take legal action and statue of limitations havent expired to charge him with date rape. If that dont deter him buy some mace in case. And go online to your service provider and block his number from testing and calling you that;s if you cant just change your cell number. Don't move !!!! if he wants to find you he will but if you make him afraid most likely he leave you alone. He's a coward to do what he did. And remember chin up and smile you got your whole life in front of you.....
 
Oh I know, thank you. I was replying to their comment about where it happened.

Your child is nothing to be ashamed of, sweetie pie.
Stuff happened, and that's yesterday.
Today you must be strong for your child, a true blessing from the God I am proud to serve.
You and your blessed baby are indeed children of God and Our savior, Lord Jesus Christ.
I'm sure you have an older relative you admire and trust, mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt. uncle, gradmom, graddad, someone; talk to them.
They can help, but by all means stay strong for baby.

You have noting to be ashamed of today, because if all the naysayers were to publish their autobiographies, lots of jaws would drop, and head would shake, and eyes would roll, too!!!
 
Sweetie heres the bottom line. The Sperm donor currently has no rights to you or child. You may ignore block or whatever him. Yu may deny him visit or info on this child. Until he or you goes to court to establish paternity (this will be done if you seek welfare, food stamps or Medicaid) he has no child and in return no rights. If paternity is established through courts then he will get some form of visitation. I am not going to judge whether or not your version of events happened or not it produced a child its that simple. If you struggle with this may I suggest a parenting and relationship forum linked to this site where you might find others who went through similar situations and find out how they dealt with it. Here is link http://www.parentnook.com/forum/
 
Shrinkmaster is absolutely correct. This would be the case no matter how the conception came to be. A court is only going to care about who is genetically related to the baby. I'm not sure why you wouldn't at least pursue child support. Unless your family is fully supporting you financially a 17 year old isn't going to be able to support herself, let alone a child.

If you have been lying to family and friends about drinking and being sexually active, my recommendation for counseling is even stronger.

To the other posters, let's leave religion out of it shall we? Not everyone is Christian and their beliefs are just as valid as yours. If you want to advise on spiritual matters, you are on the wrong forum. It is not in any way helpful to espouse how your religion views the poster's circumstances.
 
The reason I have not gone after child support is because I want NOTHING to do with him. I only lied about drinking because I was fearful people and family wouldn't accept my son if they knew how he was conceived and I did not want my son to find out either. Yes, family is helping me right now.
 
Not to hurt you but why would not accept child if they knew how he was conceived? Its not his fault and has nothing to do with how wonderful he is. You underestimate your family.
 
I don't know, that was just something I feared. I also did not want someone slipping up and saying something about it to my son. I did not want him thinking he was a mistake or unwanted. Getting drunk was my fault and I blamed myself for everything that happened after that. The guy made me feel like everything was my fault. Now I realize HIS decisions were not my fault, but me putting myself in that position was. Only a piece of crap takes advantage of someone who cannot speak for themselves, or possibly give them something to pass out. It was my mistake doing what I did and by being there and I don't want my son feeling like he is a mistake because he is not. I thought about telling someone what happened and pressing charges because I felt like I couldn't deal with it anymore but then I found out I was pregnant so I didn't. He is the greatest thing that came from the pain of that situation and I don't ever want anyone to look down on him because of the situation.
 
On the parenting forum I mentioned early there are parents who had children via accidents, lapse in judgment and even violent rape. You might come there and talk with them as well
 
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