Conciliator

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darahsersch

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My son's father and I had no custody order, so I was advised by a family lawyer (in Pennsylvania) that it'd be okay to move out of state as I please with my son. So we moved to Arizona March 10. March 12, my son's father filed for custody. My son's father and I had a custody conciliation this past May. He is clearly unfit to be a father but yet was granted with joint physical custody, with me having to fly my child from Arizona to Pennsylvania 3 times a year for 2 weeks at a time (for now). My son has no idea who his father is and I don't feel comfortable sending him off with a stranger. He was granted custody rights 5/9 and was scheduled to have him every day until 5/13, our last day in town. The conciliator told me that it didn't matter what I had to say about anything when I tried to argue her "suggestions" because I moved away and I'm in the wrong. Therefore, she put all the traveling expenses on my end. Which isn't cheap, around $1000.00 each trip.
5/10, he was late picking our son up and late dropping him off, giving me only one minutes notice that he was going to be late.
5/11, he took his girlfriend to a concert in NJ instead of coming to get our son. He sent his mother instead to come get him. I refused to give him to her because she, also is a stranger and the court order is between my son's father and I. I also had my lawyer talk to her and confirm that it was between my son's father and I.
5/12, my sons father dropped him off 20 minutes early. So clearly, he had more important things to do rather than spend the whole time he was given.
5/13, our last day in town. He was to have our son from 10 am to 6 pm. He didn't show up until 2:13 pm.
He was granted a total of 32 hours, but only used 19 hours of them.
The conciliator and his lawyer had to be working together. I didn't get the chance to argue anything that he said. I was just "in the wrong" and everything he was saying was "right" as the conciliator said.
When I returned home and received the court order in the mail. I found the his lawyer and the conciliator were both from the same address, with suites directly beside each other. Is that enough of a connection? I want to turn the conciliator in because as a conciliator, it is not in her job description to takes sides of either party in a custody dispute or any kind of matter. It just seemed a little shady because his lawyer was never even announced as representing him. She just showed up with him the day of the conciliation.
 
Also, my son's father failed to come in and sign the birth certificate when my son was born. He visited with him quite a few times until I filed for child support. He then denied my son as his child and requested a parternity test. I made a post on FB "What parent would put their child through something like that? My son screamed his head off at the DNA test" And he responded "I would :)" exactly like that. In my opinion, he has no interest in our child. This has always been about getting back at me for something. Especially because he never wanted this child. He told me several times in the beginning of my pregnancy that I needed to get an abortion. and the fact that he denied him knowing that he was his child, says a lot right there. We returned home to Arizona 5/14, my son had no contact with his father until 7/23 by his choice. I was the one who had to initiate his contact with him because he used the excuse "I haven't had contact with him because hes only 2 years old" to me, thats a ridiculous excuse. especially because my son is able to talk. Not very well, but he talks to other relatives on the phone that live back in PA as well. So why can't his own "father" contact him>
 
It is not unusual for the parent moving away to be responsible for paying the expenses for visitation.

Why should Dad have not insisted on a DNA test? Were you tied to him 24/7 during the period of conception?

How old is Junior? If he's under 3 or 4, I doubt very seriously that he'll have much to say on a telephone call.
 
My son is two. And he does talk quite a bit. Not clearly but enough to talk thru skype atleast so that his father can see him. He talked to him the other day through IMO (kind of like Skype) but I initiated them talking. His father clearly stated that he wasn't going to contact him until he seen him again.
Like I said, I got screwed over in the conciliation because I moved away. The conciliator said that it was all my fault and I should be responsible for the transportation.
At the time of the conception, the father and I were living together and I was at home all the time but when I was working. Which at that time, I was working 2 jobs. The father was at home most of time (except 3 days of work) and when he was out drinking. Which he did quite a bit. He has a drinking problem and used to blame me for it, where as I did nothing wrong. And I have proof of him admitting to it.
His father got a DUI and has had underage parties since my child was born. Which I have proof of that as well.
And as his mother, being around him 24/7, he is capable of talking on the phone. He does it every other day with my grandmother. And it doesn't matter. The point about it is that he was never around when we lived in PA, now that we moved, all of a sudden he wanted something to do with him. And once we left PA to come back to AZ, he wants nothing to do with him again until October when hes scheduled to see him next. To me, thats not a parent.
 
You chose to procreate with Dad, so you're stuck with dealing with him for rest of your life.

Anything that happened before Junior was born is in the past and will be ignored by the court. Anything that happened before the court orders is in the past and no longer matter.

Your duties as the custodial parent include facilitating the relationship between Dad and Junior. That means no bad talk about Dad, among other things. There will also be parenting differences. You need to accept that and help Junior deal with it.
 
first of all, hes not "Junior" he doesn't even have his last name.
Secondly, I don't talk bad about him to my son or in the presence of my son. I would never do that.
Thirdly, it is HIS responsibility court order to keep in contact with my son. He's failed to do so. Just like he failed to spend his custody time with him for the 5 days he had him. He should of told the conciliator when she asked him his schedule that he was going to a concert out of state.
 
"Junior" is a generic term I use for boys. If you had a daughter, she would be "Princess".

But since you'd rather argue than listen to advice, I'm out. I'll let someone else answer your questions.
 
I'm not arguing. I just don't agree with your advice. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. But, thank you.

I suggest when you consult an attorney, you request for a written opinion.
If you've retained an attorney, he or she will readily comply.
Otherwise, you have no proof of what you were told.
An attorney that isn't a judge has no legal authority to tell you to do or restrain for doing anything.
However, a written legal opinion in your possession does serve your interests in a disputed situation.
In this case, the one in which you are now embroiled.

You are slipping into some legal jeopardy unless you begin in earnest to address the looming issue.
The lawyer was correct in telling you could relocate to anywhere you wanted to live without an existing court order.
The mother of a child born out of wedlock has all rights, insofar as any children she births.
The unwed father has to go to court to gain any rights.
He has to first establish paternity.
He will be required to pay support.
He will eventually get visitation, and many additional rights of fatherhood.
That will not happen quickly, and overnight visitation won't happen until the child reaches the age of your son.
Like or hate it, dad's rights will inevitably be established, if he pursues his legal avenues.
I suggest you think of ways to let teh court know what a great mom you are, and not what poor dad the boy has.
That never works.
That only hurts the one (dad or mom) that uses it.
Always tell the court what you do to be the best mom you can, and that you do everything for your child.
Never speak ill of the dead, or the other parent.
It always backfires.


If dad has an attorney, you need an attorney.
You'll find yourself outgunned and outmaneuvered at every turn, if dad's lawyer is average.
If dad's lawyer is aggressive, it can get worse.
Your issues are far too complex and private for an online forum.
I can only say that if you don't endeavor to repair this, you could find yourself in civil, and maybe criminal troubles with the courts in PA.
 
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Thank you, army judge. that was helpful.

I don't think I made it clear though in my statement. Long story short:

My son and I moved to Arizona March 10th, 2014.

My son's father filed for custody on March 12, 2014 in Pennsylvania.

There was no contact between father and child from March 5th, 2014 to May 9, 2014.

We had a conciliation. His lawyer and the conciliator were from the same location, Suites right beside each other (201 & 202)
The lawyer he had representing him is the president of Suite 201 & Partial President of Suite 202. (Therefore, there is a connection)
The father was granted 5/9 - 5/13. During that time, he failed to take action in spending the whole time given to him.

5/11, when he was to have him for the day, he went out of town with his girlfriend to New Jersey to go see a concert. After telling the conciliator that he was able to have him and spend the day with our son. Instead, he sent his mother to come get him to spend the day with him in place of him. (the father) If you are going to an out of state concert, you most likely knew about it at the time of the conciliation (2 days prior of the concert) Nobody is going to spend the gas money to go out of state hoping to go to a concert, only to find out the concert is sold out. That's just insane!

5/13, he showed up 4 hours late picking him up because he claimed he had to take his sister to surgery. If he knew he had to take his sister to surgery, he should have let the conciliator know that he wasn't able to have him that day either until later in the day. Instead, he said he was available from 10 am to 6 pm. He didn't come get him until a little after 2 pm.

From 5/13 to 7/23 he had no contact with our son. Despite being told at the conciliation and written up in the court order that he is to keep in contact with the child periodically while the child is in my custody. And same goes to as if he was in father's custody. He had no initiative to contact our child until I contacted him about my concerns with it. He has contacted me once I let him talk to him for a few minutes until father was ready to get off the phone.

I hope this is more clear.
 
We had a conference (child support) on June 23, where he openly admitted that its illegal for him to have our son over night at his house, as well
 
Thank you, army judge. that was helpful.

I don't think I made it clear though in my statement. Long story short:

My son and I moved to Arizona March 10th, 2014.

My son's father filed for custody on March 12, 2014 in Pennsylvania.

There was no contact between father and child from March 5th, 2014 to May 9, 2014.

We had a conciliation. His lawyer and the conciliator were from the same location, Suites right beside each other (201 & 202)
The lawyer he had representing him is the president of Suite 201 & Partial President of Suite 202. (Therefore, there is a connection)
The father was granted 5/9 - 5/13. During that time, he failed to take action in spending the whole time given to him.

5/11, when he was to have him for the day, he went out of town with his girlfriend to New Jersey to go see a concert. After telling the conciliator that he was able to have him and spend the day with our son. Instead, he sent his mother to come get him to spend the day with him in place of him. (the father) If you are going to an out of state concert, you most likely knew about it at the time of the conciliation (2 days prior of the concert) Nobody is going to spend the gas money to go out of state hoping to go to a concert, only to find out the concert is sold out. That's just insane!

5/13, he showed up 4 hours late picking him up because he claimed he had to take his sister to surgery. If he knew he had to take his sister to surgery, he should have let the conciliator know that he wasn't able to have him that day either until later in the day. Instead, he said he was available from 10 am to 6 pm. He didn't come get him until a little after 2 pm.

From 5/13 to 7/23 he had no contact with our son. Despite being told at the conciliation and written up in the court order that he is to keep in contact with the child periodically while the child is in my custody. And same goes to as if he was in father's custody. He had no initiative to contact our child until I contacted him about my concerns with it. He has contacted me once I let him talk to him for a few minutes until father was ready to get off the phone.

I hope this is more clear.


The father is not required to exercise his right to visitation, any more than a mother would be so required.

I have the right to own and bear arms.
I can choose NOT to use that right.
No one can choose to waive that right for me.

In the matter of dad, refusing to exercise his visitation isn't illegal, nor would it violate a court order.

Again, I urge you to stop using what you THINK dad does incorrectly in an attempt to convince the court of anything.

I assure you, before this matter is settled, the court will be apprised of the things necessary in which to make a fair ruling.
Professionals often hire people collocated with them, its smart business.
That isn't inappropriate or unethical.
That's what professionals do.
People have to have offices somewhere, so that's a useless bit of information.

You need to focus on WHY you are a greta mom, not why dad is a bad dad.
He's the dad YOU chose to create a child with, and the court won't second guess your choice.
Until its proven dad is abusing the child, sexually molesting the child, neglecting the child (it isn't legal neglect NOT to visit or Skype with a child, either), or acting inappropriately; his disinterest is irrelevant.

One final thing, how dad chooses to utilize his visitation is no more your business, that how you choose to parent.

Again, your departure wasn't illegal.
But, it precipitated consequences you are now embroiled within.
Dad's filing upon your departure is also irrelevant.
Dad has a right to initiate legal actions, and so do you.
However, PA is the state that will apparently decide this matter.

These are complicated and emotional issues.
Again, that's why you require your own attorney.
I mean you no disrespect, but your ideas are going to cause you many other problems, unless you lawyer up ASAP!



Good luck.
 
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No, but neglecting the child to go to a concert, trying to leave the child with somebody else is considered abandonment. He was supposed to exercise his rights. He was granted this time (knowing that he only had 5 days to spend with the child before we came back home) because he was crying to the conciliator that he doesn't get the chance to spend time with our child.
I've spoken with a lawyer about it. Failing to give a child back by court ordered time is illegal. Not notifying the other parent that you are not choosing to pick the child up is against court order, which is considered for contempt of court.
I've done my research and am going to school to become a legal assistant. I've been doing all the extra research needed.
I know I'm a great mom, but I don't want to hand my child over to a complete stranger. My child has no idea who his father is by HIS choice. Why should I have to hand him over to a stranger? Especially overnights. My child wakes up in the middle of the night and wants his mom. He's not going to have his mom if he wakes up. And the fact that he's openly admitted, which I have proof of, that it's illegal for him to have our son over night worries me.
 
No, but neglecting the child to go to a concert, trying to leave the child with somebody else is considered abandonment. He was supposed to exercise his rights. He was granted this time (knowing that he only had 5 days to spend with the child before we came back home) because he was crying to the conciliator that he doesn't get the chance to spend time with our child.
I've spoken with a lawyer about it. Failing to give a child back by court ordered time is illegal. Not notifying the other parent that you are not choosing to pick the child up is against court order, which is considered for contempt of court.
I've done my research and am going to school to become a legal assistant. I've been doing all the extra research needed.
I know I'm a great mom, but I don't want to hand my child over to a complete stranger. My child has no idea who his father is by HIS choice. Why should I have to hand him over to a stranger? Especially overnights. My child wakes up in the middle of the night and wants his mom. He's not going to have his mom if he wakes up. And the fact that he's openly admitted, which I have proof of, that it's illegal for him to have our son over night worries me.

I'm sorry I've failed to properly communicate the risks you fail to acknowledge.
I wish you, your son, and his dad all the best.
I pray all of you will be happy and get the peace, contentment, and love we all desire in this short life we live.

May peace, love, hope, prosperity, charity, and contentment rain down upon your family, forever.
 
And I understand that I "chose" to have a child with him. Which I really didn't. I was on birth control when I got pregnant with him.
He didn't even want the child. He wanted me to get an abortion and wanted the child to die throughout my pregnancy. My thoughts are, I shouldn't have to put my child in the situation of having him spend time with somebody who doesn't want anything to do with him. Or even overnights. I'd be fine with visitations, but overnights is pushing it. He's spent a total of 2 months with him (periodically) since birth. My son's now 26 months. That's a stranger.
 
And I understand that I "chose" to have a child with him. Which I really didn't. I was on birth control when I got pregnant with him.
He didn't even want the child. He wanted me to get an abortion and wanted the child to die throughout my pregnancy. My thoughts are, I shouldn't have to put my child in the situation of having him spend time with somebody who doesn't want anything to do with him. Or even overnights. I'd be fine with visitations, but overnights is pushing it. He's spent a total of 2 months with him (periodically) since birth. My son's now 26 months. That's a stranger.


Sigh, I'll try one more time.
I have been licensed to practice law for four decades.
I now sit as Texas associate district court judge.
I am not just making this stuff up, and child custody matters don't vary that greatly form state to state.
Nothing in your post above is of any legal significance.
It matters to you.
It won't matter to the court.

We have all had bad stuff happen to us, some we instigated, some just found us.
That said, you might talk to a social worker or a family therapist.
A minister or religious official could help, or an older relative or friend.

I get it.
This is about the safety of your child.
I fathered children with the same woman.
Fortunately we have been married almost 50 years.
I do get it.
But, you must not exhibit this behavior before you child.
Why not find a single parent support group?
They can be very helpful people tell me.,

Dad probably won't get overnights in the next 2-3 years.
But, as the child grows older, he will.
In most cases, by the child reaches school age, overnights or summer vacations are part and parcel of child custody matters.
Its the law.
I dislike many laws.

It is as inevitable as the sun rising and setting daily.

If an attorney has advised you, and you have established an attorney client relationship, work with that attorney.

Again, I wish you and your child well.
 
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I understand what YOU'RE saying. I don't think you understand what I'm saying.
He's getting overnight visitation starting THIS October for 2 weeks straight, with no contact with me. That's 2 weeks from being away from his mother, the only person (parent) he knows.
 
Oh we ALL understand what you're saying.

You have, obviously, created a situation you don't like. I'm not entirely sure why you posted...there's a court order, and it needs to be followed. That's about it, but I'm not sure you understand why things are happening in this way.

It's going to happen whether you like it or not.

Dad is obviously NOT unfit. He might not parent the way you do, but he's by no means unfit.

But to cut to the chase - what exactly do you want?
 
No... I don't think so.
And there's really no need to be rude or have an attitude.

And you don't know the father personally. Therefore, you can't honestly say he's fit or not. A FIT parent would support a child and WANT to spend time with their child and make sure they have all their needs before their own.

And as far as what I want....

I would want for his father to be in his life, by all means. But I don't think overnights are acceptable right now. Would you want your child to wake up in a strangers house in the middle of the night screaming not knowing where their mother is> The ONLY person they know? I don't think so....
 
Please though, before you call someone a fit parent when they aren't. PLEASE learn the facts. If you think he's a fit parent after reading any of the above, you clearly do not know what a fit parent is.
 
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