Grandparents visitation - how can I stop it?

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needhelpinNJ

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Three years ago, my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. 4 weeks after his death his parent sued me for grandparent visitation. I never stopped them from visits before but they made a case that they thought I was preventing visits and the judge awarded visitation. Attorney after attorney could not believe it. My children were traumatized by court appointed therapists, meetings with the judge and even a man coming to the door to serve them papers directly -
With the death of their dad still fresh, they began to withdraw from friends and act out at school. all was presented to the judge. with no avail, they won visitation - the children refuse to go. they are now age 12 and 14 and physically bigger than me. they refuse. I am taking this to the appellate division and am awaiting a date. In the meantime I have received a summons to go back to family court to explain why the children are not being brought to scheduled visits.
I have a contract to work in my children's camp and am jeopardizing my job and my children's reduced tuition if I miss a day. The judge will not take this hardship into consideration and demands I go to court. He will not even allow me to be conferenced in. He will not allow my council in my place either.
I am reaching out for any all all guidance to make this insanity stop. The stress it causes me and my children is immeasurable and my legal fees have exceeded $150k ...Your advice is strongly needed.
Thank you
 
Three years ago, my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. 4 weeks after his death his parent sued me for grandparent visitation. I never stopped them from visits before but they made a case that they thought I was preventing visits and the judge awarded visitation. Attorney after attorney could not believe it. My children were traumatized by court appointed therapists, meetings with the judge and even a man coming to the door to serve them papers directly -
With the death of their dad still fresh, they began to withdraw from friends and act out at school. all was presented to the judge. with no avail, they won visitation - the children refuse to go. they are now age 12 and 14 and physically bigger than me. they refuse. I am taking this to the appellate division and am awaiting a date. In the meantime I have received a summons to go back to family court to explain why the children are not being brought to scheduled visits.
I have a contract to work in my children's camp and am jeopardizing my job and my children's reduced tuition if I miss a day. The judge will not take this hardship into consideration and demands I go to court. He will not even allow me to be conferenced in. He will not allow my council in my place either.
I am reaching out for any all all guidance to make this insanity stop. The stress it causes me and my children is immeasurable and my legal fees have exceeded $150k ...Your advice is strongly needed.
Thank you


You are being out lawyered, out smarted, out maneuvered, out slickered, out lied, out funded, out snookered, or all of the aforementioned.
The more you resist and protest against the system, the more the system will crush and oppress you.
You might wish to direct your lawyer to attempt some sort of negotiated settlement.
Otherwise, your ride ends in six more years.

You can't ever go wrong obeying the orders of the court.
If your children threaten to batter, beat, and bruise you (you said they are bigger and you can no longer get them to honor the judge's order); that reflects negatively on your parenting skills.
I'm not saying you're a good parent or a poor parent.
I'm stating that you've been ordered to have the kids appear and visit.
The old lead a horse to water thing comes to mind.
The kids might not like it, but its what has been ordered
I hate paying taxes, and do so without elation.
Nevertheless, I do pay my taxes.

I agree with your efforts in attempting to make the bad people go away.
That won't happen.
So, you have to grin and bear it.
You must teach the kiddos to do the same.
The imperative is to get your lawyer engaged in brokering a truce.
Grin and bear it, madam, grin and bear it!
 
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It seems clear there is an issue in your home with who is in charge. The court will assume you as the adult should be and find accordingly.
 
Three years ago, my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. 4 weeks after his death his parent sued me for grandparent visitation. I never stopped them from visits before but they made a case that they thought I was preventing visits and the judge awarded visitation. Attorney after attorney could not believe it. My children were traumatized by court appointed therapists, meetings with the judge and even a man coming to the door to serve them papers directly -
With the death of their dad still fresh, they began to withdraw from friends and act out at school. all was presented to the judge. with no avail, they won visitation - the children refuse to go. they are now age 12 and 14 and physically bigger than me. they refuse. I am taking this to the appellate division and am awaiting a date. In the meantime I have received a summons to go back to family court to explain why the children are not being brought to scheduled visits.
I have a contract to work in my children's camp and am jeopardizing my job and my children's reduced tuition if I miss a day. The judge will not take this hardship into consideration and demands I go to court. He will not even allow me to be conferenced in. He will not allow my council in my place either.
I am reaching out for any all all guidance to make this insanity stop. The stress it causes me and my children is immeasurable and my legal fees have exceeded $150k ...Your advice is strongly needed.
Thank you



I think you need to get back to court as soon as possible. There have been cases (more than you'd imagine) where older children (yours) have (via the parents) made it just about impossible for the court to NOT change the order. They are suing for contempt, and I strongly suggest you counter-claim. Have your attorney help you. And because you're also going to be asking for a change, you may find yourself in mediation.

Ordinarily I'd be screeching "say no in mediation!", but they already have a court order for visitation and I'm not convinced you should do that.

Not right at this moment.

This is something you can do over the weekend:


1. Read this several times: http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/newjersey/new-jersey-grandparents-rights-in-divorce-3070.shtml

2. If the kids are therapy, consider having the therapist testify on your behalf.

3. If not, ask that a GAL is appointed. This is a "guardian ad litum", and he or she will focus not on you and the other party, but the children.

You have an attorney -at least try to have a sit-down about this.

You need to remember too that the court cannot take away YOUR rights if the grandparents win.
 
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