Maternal Grandparents will not give me my child

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aca7554

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Here is a bit of background on my case: I have an 11 year old son with a woman who has constantly used drugs during her pregnancy. My son was born addicted to heroin and cocaine which caused him to be hospitalized for the first month of his life. Three months after our son was born, although we were living together, my son's mother filed with the Office of The Attorney General in Texas (OAG) demanding child support and joint custody. Although, this was quite upsetting since we were a family, after much convincing, I did not fight it. We lived together as a family for about 5 years after our son was born; however, she did not seek to give up the constant use of drugs so I decided to leave her. It was at this time that her parents, who were living with us, demanded that I leave the child with them and his mother. They threaten to call the police if I did not leave my child with them. I later found out that my son's mother simply left the child with her parents about the same time I left her. Since that time, she has gone to prison for cocaine possession and was released this past January. (Her parents also have criminal records in their past. Use of drugs for the grandfather and the grandmother was also arrested for unlawfully writing prescription drugs twice)

Ever since my son was 3 months, I have paid all my child support and have always up-to-date. About 2 years ago, the grandparents requested that I stop the child support payments since they were not getting anything from it and the child's mother was using it for drugs. The child's grandmother feared her daughter would overdose. An agreement was reached, with the aid of her parents, and we went back to the OAG and signed documents that I was no longer required to pay child support. I still buy my child clothing, etc. whenever he needs it or anything else for that matter. I do not do drugs and have never done any. I have had had the same job with the school district for 22 years. I have been a law abiding citizen all my life. My record is clean. I am a good man and got married two years ago to a wonderful woman who also works for the State of Texas.

Plain and simple: I want custody of my son. Luckily, his mother is not in his life because he has been exposed to drugs in her presence. Problem is that his grandparents have raised him and they will not want to release him to me. What needs to be done legally to have my son live with me and my wife? Please note that I have never been notified that my son's grandparent actually have documents stating they have custody of my son. If they do, they have never said anything to me and I have never been notified. I fear that they will be able to keep my son. They deny me access to my son even on the dates stated by the court. This month is the first time I am able to bring him home for the one month in the summer as stated in the visitation notice. When I picked him up a couple of days back, I was faced with an altercation with the grandparent but luckily, I was able to bring my son with me. I even went as far as calling the police and making a report on the matter. I know they grandparents love him but he is my son and I want to give him a great life. Please advise.
 
You can HIRE a lawyer and seek a hearing before the appropriate sitting district court judge.
Your lawyer will further advise you.
The issue for you is what you're seeking isn't necessarily what is best for the boy.
The child has lived apart from you for five or six years.
The court looks to that continuity of care that the grandparents have apparently been providing.
I don't know what the AG brokered in the agreement that let you off the hook, as far as statutory child support is concerned, but that MIGHT also be a problem for you in your quest for reunification with your son.

Anyway, make an appointment to meet with three or four local family law attorneys in your area.
The initial meeting is normally offered gratis.
You can then decide if you wish to go forward, and you'll know how much it'll cost you.

You need to start this weekend by creating a list indicating WHY change in custody is best for your son.
Forget about yourself, and list why its best for him.
Why am I suggesting you do that exercise?
because the lawyer will ask, and the court will inquire, as well as CPS (or a court appointed social worker), assuming this goes forward.

One last caveat, dad. Don't discuss the boy's mother, her legal issues, her drug problems. Why? It is relevant to you, but the court doesn't care. She has been absent, but her parents haven't been.

It will behoove you NOT to mention any alleged criminal acts the grandparents have committed, unless they involve harm to children. These days, the standard for parenting is extremely low. To you that stuff matters, legally it won't be tolerated nor allowed. This is something your lawyer, once retained, will discuss further with you. For the time being, focus only on yourself. You're the dad, but the law will see you as "daddy come lately".

its NOT about what you want, dad. Its about what you'll do for your son that the grandparents can't do. It isn't NOT about lots of neat stuff, either. Its about love. It might be about stability, but it appears he's had that despite his mom's actions. Its about fishing, camping, hiking maybe. Its about education, college or a trade, becoming a man, a productive member of society, a law abiding citizen, a person who accepts his or her civic duties, etc... Its about WHY being with you would allow him to develop better than being with mawmaw and grandpa. Its about WHY that would make him happier.

Good luck.

Good luck.
 
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aca7554 said:
Here is a bit of background on my case: I have an 11 year old son with a woman who has constantly used drugs during her pregnancy. My son was born addicted to heroin and cocaine which caused him to be hospitalized for the first month of his life. Three months after our son was born, although we were living together, my son's mother filed with the Office of The Attorney General in Texas (OAG) demanding child support and joint custody. Although, this was quite upsetting since we were a family, after much convincing, I did not fight it. We lived together as a family for about 5 years after our son was born; however, she did not seek to give up the constant use of drugs so I decided to leave her. It was at this time that her parents, who were living with us, demanded that I leave the child with them and his mother. They threaten to call the police if I did not leave my child with them. I later found out that my son's mother simply left the child with her parents about the same time I left her. Since that time, she has gone to prison for cocaine possession and was released this past January. (Her parents also have criminal records in their past. Use of drugs for the grandfather and the grandmother was also arrested for unlawfully writing prescription drugs twice)

Ever since my son was 3 months, I have paid all my child support and have always up-to-date. About 2 years ago, the grandparents requested that I stop the child support payments since they were not getting anything from it and the child's mother was using it for drugs. The child's grandmother feared her daughter would overdose. An agreement was reached, with the aid of her parents, and we went back to the OAG and signed documents that I was no longer required to pay child support. I still buy my child clothing, etc. whenever he needs it or anything else for that matter. I do not do drugs and have never done any. I have had had the same job with the school district for 22 years. I have been a law abiding citizen all my life. My record is clean. I am a good man and got married two years ago to a wonderful woman who also works for the State of Texas.

Plain and simple: I want custody of my son. Luckily, his mother is not in his life because he has been exposed to drugs in her presence. Problem is that his grandparents have raised him and they will not want to release him to me. What needs to be done legally to have my son live with me and my wife? Please note that I have never been notified that my son's grandparent actually have documents stating they have custody of my son. If they do, they have never said anything to me and I have never been notified. I fear that they will be able to keep my son. They deny me access to my son even on the dates stated by the court. This month is the first time I am able to bring him home for the one month in the summer as stated in the visitation notice. When I picked him up a couple of days back, I was faced with an altercation with the grandparent but luckily, I was able to bring my son with me. I even went as far as calling the police and making a report on the matter. I know they grandparents love him but he is my son and I want to give him a great life. Please advise.
Click to expand...

In addition to AJ's excellent post...

How close do you live to Grandparents?

How often have you seen your son in past couple of years?

Ordinarily, your rights would absolutely control - but this is a bit different from the norm.

You also need to find out exactly what they're talking about. If you can't get an answer, it might be worth checking the appropriate court's records. Many states actually allow online access. Now, there is also a possibility that they simply don't release records to the public but, since you are actually a legal party, you should be able to get some answers.
 
Hang on - if you have visitation dates, does that indicate that you're sticking to the original visitation, or is this a later order?
 
ACA, in what county is this matter being heard?
Do you reside in that county?
I'm asking not to pry, but I recently advised a grandmother involved in a situation similar to yours.
The grandmother belongs to a nondenominational women's prayer group.
My wife is acquainted with the grandmother, and I advised the grandmother (pro bono) as a favor to my wife and her women's pastor. The grandmother subsequently retained counsel to represent her in the custody matter.
The mother in that case passed away unexpectedly. I don't think you're the dad in that matter, but if you are, I'd like to redact my post and remove myself from this discussion.
 
Thank you for the helping me with this matter. Army Judge, I am in Bexar County and I am certain the grandmother you advised is not the same one in this matter. My son's mother is still alive.
 
But I still need one questioned answered - how often have you seen your son in the past few years?
 
aca7554 said:
Thank you for the helping me with this matter. Army Judge, I am in Bexar County and I am certain the grandmother you advised is not the same one in this matter. My son's mother is still alive.
Click to expand...


Duh, senior moment, LOL. Thanks.
 
Proserpina - In the last two years, I have been seeing my son every other weekend. It was shortly after getting married to my wife, that she contacted my son's grandparents and setup to meet at a police sub-station. She informed the grandparents that I have a right to see my son and that they were denying me this right. She insisted that I be allowed to see my son, as ordered in 2003 (even though I was with my son's mother) or I would have a police report done up each time I was denied. This reports would then act as documentation that I have been trying to see my son and was denied access. They had been ok with the weekend visits. Last year, when I was to have him for the month of July, they claimed to have planned a trip in advance and my son would be in California. We later found that he had not gone on the trip and stayed with this grandfather while his grandmother left. We were only able to have him for a week last summer. On the 1st of July, I tried to pick him up and they insisted we leave him. We eventually were able to convice them to allow him to come with us but we had to contact the police department. Unfortunately, my son cried and said he stated that he was troubled because they interogate him when he returns from my house and that is the only reason he does not want to come to see me. He has to give every detail of what happened and what was said. He is being traumatized by being questioned for 2-3 hours by them.

Before these two years, I was not allowed to see my son unless I had a gift to give him such as his birthday, Cristmas, Easter, etc. or I was taking him somewhere special like to dinner or to an amusement park but he was never allowed to stay more than a few hours. There were times when I would call and they would agree for me to see him and them when the time came, I would go to their apartment and they were gone. I would call them and they would say they forgot and were out. Or they would say my son was ill and they were going to take him to the doctor. I heard so many excuses. Luckily for me, my wife helped change that. She actually has helped me with them and all their attempts at keeping my son away.
 
Oh dear.

I'm sorry, but your wife has probably done the opposite of helping, and kissed goodbye to any further peaceful contact, and I'd expect the grandparents to have no interest in compromise.

Look at it from their point of view. Their daughter died, and now some other woman is involving herself where she need not involve herself, is giving them ultimatums and threatening legal action.

Seems like you're going to court.
 
Oh, no, Mom is still alive.

But still... OP had no interest in this child until he got married again and his wife decided he needed to do all this.
 
Proserpina said:
Doesn't change the gist of it though ;)
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I did not realize that my wife had done some major damage to the situation. I felt she helping me see my son when I was unable to do so in the past. The grandparents always had excuses for me not to see him. No matter how often I tried, they would say he was sick, that they were not home, that they had to do something and were not able to meet me to see my child. I

CPS has been involved with his mother since 2008 and limited how she was going to see our son and when. I feel that I was dealt a harsh punishment by my son's grandparent by not allowing me to see him. It has damaged my relationship with my son. I have tried to see him these past 5-6 years but I always got the same answer from his grandparent.

By the way, the grandparents do not have any court documentation stating they have custody of the child. Does this matter?

I would like to thank you for your help.
 
aca7554 said:
I did not realize that my wife had done some major damage to the situation. I felt she helping me see my son when I was unable to do so in the past. The grandparents always had excuses for me not to see him. No matter how often I tried, they would say he was sick, that they were not home, that they had to do something and were not able to meet me to see my child. I

CPS has been involved with his mother since 2008 and limited how she was going to see our son and when. I feel that I was dealt a harsh punishment by my son's grandparent by not allowing me to see him. It has damaged my relationship with my son. I have tried to see him these past 5-6 years but I always got the same answer from his grandparent.

By the way, the grandparents do not have any court documentation stating they have custody of the child. Does this matter?

I would like to thank you for your help.
Click to expand...

Talk to three or four attorneys. Tell them about your situation. Make sure they know that no custody order exists, or ever existed.
Tell them what you'd like to see happen.
Discuss the costs, think about all you learned, and decide when you wish one of them to initiate legal action.


Getting custody might be difficult.
Getting court ordered child support and court ordered visitation, clearly possible.
That's the best way to get back into your son's life on a regular basis and to have a place to go if someone interferes with your ability to be in the kid's life.
Good luck.
 
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aca7554 said:
I did not realize that my wife had done some major damage to the situation. I felt she helping me see my son when I was unable to do so in the past. The grandparents always had excuses for me not to see him. No matter how often I tried, they would say he was sick, that they were not home, that they had to do something and were not able to meet me to see my child. I

CPS has been involved with his mother since 2008 and limited how she was going to see our son and when. I feel that I was dealt a harsh punishment by my son's grandparent by not allowing me to see him. It has damaged my relationship with my son. I have tried to see him these past 5-6 years but I always got the same answer from his grandparent.

By the way, the grandparents do not have any court documentation stating they have custody of the child. Does this matter?

I would like to thank you for your help.
Click to expand...


Honestly Dad? At this point, them having custody legally isn't going to make a huge difference...all they have to do is file. They've been the child's only stability for 6 years or so - even though your rights would usually trump the grandparents automatically, they do have standing to file for custody themselves.

I know your wife would never willingly put things in jeopardy. But in this case, there are some significant bridges which have been burned.

Have you been able to sit down and talk to the grandparents at all? They have no interest in talking to you at all?
 
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