How can a mother relinquish rights to out of state paternal father

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ORmomma

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What steps do we need to take?

My husbands ex girlfriend is pregnant, due in a month, and has no desire to be involved in the childs life. She originally wanted to abort, but decided to let us have custody instead. (Her other children have been removed from her custody and are cared for by other family members, there is no chance of her being granted custody even if she were to change her mind, which is extremely unlikely anyway)

She resides in California and we reside in Oregon.

She wants to deliver and hand over the child immediately, has no desire for any further contact and we do not want any support or future contact from her. What do we need from her at birth to ensure we are covered to A, take the child back to Oregon with us and B, allow for a future stepparent adoption?

The mother has a tendency to disappear for extended periods of time, so we really need to have all our ducks in a row before she checks out of the hospital.
 
We know that it will take time to finalize everything, my biggest question is what do we need to be aware of and do before we take the child home from the hospital.
Our chances of finding the mother to get her to sign anything will drop significantly once she leaves the hospital. Not from her desire to have anything to do with the child, but because she has warrants out and frequently disappears for extended periods of time.
Having her sign the paternity form (along with my husband), sign a form giving him permission to take the child out of state, and something giving him full custody... Is that the basics we need to cover while we are working our way through all the legal stuff? We *know* we'll need to engage a lawyer to get things legalized, we just want to make sure we have all the basics covered while we're working through all that.
The mother wants to deliver and be totally done with it. We'd love for her to be able to do so! ;)
 
Agree - you need a lawyer to help with the documents that need to be signed & to answer any questions you might have.
 
We know that it will take time to finalize everything, my biggest question is what do we need to be aware of and do before we take the child home from the hospital.
Our chances of finding the mother to get her to sign anything will drop significantly once she leaves the hospital. Not from her desire to have anything to do with the child, but because she has warrants out and frequently disappears for extended periods of time.
Having her sign the paternity form (along with my husband), sign a form giving him permission to take the child out of state, and something giving him full custody... Is that the basics we need to cover while we are working our way through all the legal stuff? We *know* we'll need to engage a lawyer to get things legalized, we just want to make sure we have all the basics covered while we're working through all that.
The mother wants to deliver and be totally done with it. We'd love for her to be able to do so! ;)

Before you begin planning for this, you really need to speak with a lawyer.
A parent (mother or father) can't just assign or sign over their parental rights and responsibilities like you might sign off a deed to a house or a title to car.

Until the child is born, your husband doesn't even know if he's the child's father.

As the mother of a child born our of wedlock, even if her other children are in state care, her rights are supreme.
In fact, the father of such a child has no rights until paternity is established via DNA testing, and a court order is issued.

Madam, please see a lawyer in California, before you find yourself hurt, sad, and very disappointed.
In fact, this mother to be has a history that, allegedly, that would stay far away from her.
You need real legal advice from a California attorney.
There is no form that allows you to achieve what you say you desire.
Good luck.

PS: With a woman, such as you describe, coupled with the hormones rushing through the body of a pregnant woman, what's to prevent her from saying you KIDNAPPED or STOLE the child, even if she signed a useless document? Or, what's to stop her from knocking on your door 2 weeks later, saying I want my baby back, or pay me $2,000 (after she's been schooled by her "druggie" pals) or give me my kid?

As I said, the father of a child born out of wedlock has no custodial or visitation rights until he has gone to court and received a court order.

Two last things:
The child will be born in California. California courts will have jurisdiction over this matter, not an Oregon court, because that is where the child will be born.

What if the child is not well enough to travel upon its birth? What if the child requires medical care for months? Things often don't go as planned in this life, especially when we expect it to be quick, it often isn't. I call that the THE LAW OF SLOWER STUPID, or LOSS.

Again, good luck.
 
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And..well, Dad can't really turn around and decide that she's not fit, when he decided that she was good enough to make a child with.

It doesn't work that way.

If Mom delivers in CA, she has some time to change her mind, unless she waives that right.

The Dad is not the one deciding she is an unfit mother, DCFS decided that when they removed her other 5 children from her home. Her caseworker reiterated it unpon finding out she was one again expecting. She has openly stated (repeatedly) that she wanted an abortion but waited too long and that if we don't take the child she intends on 'finding a dumpster'. There has never been a moments hesitation on our part that we want the child, and there has never been a moments hesitation on her part that she does not want the child. Past history bears up the fact that she is serious, and we are not concerned with her changing her mind.

Please reserve your judgmental innuendo for the parent who is happily throwing their child away, not for the one who is doing everything in their power to live up to their responsibilities.

While there may be room to raise eyebrows at his choice for a very brief fling, there is no censure earned or deserved on his conduct since he discovered the results of that fling.
 
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