I need to let my daughter go

Status
Not open for further replies.

momx5

New Member
My husband and I are discussing terms of our divorce. My husband is a very controlling and manipulative man to the point that he has alienated almost my entire family from me. He always has to have things his way or I will pay one way or another. I just thought you needed to know a little history of our marriage to understand why I'm asking about this subject.
We started fostering a little girl when she was 15 months old and adopted her, against my wishes, and is now about to turn 4.
She has post traumatic stress and attachment disorders. In the time that we have had her she has shown signs of improvement with the ptsd but attachment has only been made with my husband.
Now that we are divorcing he plans to move to another state and because of the childs disorders I do not expect to have any contact with either of them. I've tried getting her to stay with me since my husband and I have separated and it's so difficult for her that I feel horrible. I love her enough to do what it takes to insure that she's happy and she is NOT happy when she is away from her father. It makes her miserable and she is inconsolable. Can I sign away my legal rights to this child and just let them be? Child support will not be an issue....
 
My husband and I are discussing terms of our divorce. My husband is a very controlling and manipulative man to the point that he has alienated almost my entire family from me. He always has to have things his way or I will pay one way or another. I just thought you needed to know a little history of our marriage to understand why I'm asking about this subject.
We started fostering a little girl when she was 15 months old and adopted her, against my wishes, and is now about to turn 4.
She has post traumatic stress and attachment disorders. In the time that we have had her she has shown signs of improvement with the ptsd but attachment has only been made with my husband.
Now that we are divorcing he plans to move to another state and because of the childs disorders I do not expect to have any contact with either of them. I've tried getting her to stay with me since my husband and I have separated and it's so difficult for her that I feel horrible. I love her enough to do what it takes to insure that she's happy and she is NOT happy when she is away from her father. It makes her miserable and she is inconsolable. Can I sign away my legal rights to this child and just let them be? Child support will not be an issue....


If your husband wishes to care for the child, you need not sign away your rights.
You simply allow him to have full custody of the child.
You might be offered visitation, but that means nothing.
You aren't required to utilize any visitation.
You might be ordered to pay support, if he requests it.
As you said, that isn't a problem for you.
So, simply tell your attorney that you do not wish to contest custody, and you will stipulate that he can have full custody of the child with your blessing and you will be happy to pay the state mandated support for the one child.

Simple, no stress, no muss, no fuss, good luck.
 
I meant that child support would not be an issue because my husband has the means to take care of her and if he thinks I might be ordered to pay support anyway he wants us to file for joint legal and custodial custody so that neither of us would be ordered to pay.
I thought it would be simpler to give away my rights now and not have to deal with this when, and he will, remarries. I guess i'm asking if I would be allowed to sign away my rights to her under these circumstances?
 
I meant that child support would not be an issue because my husband has the means to take care of her and if he thinks I might be ordered to pay support anyway he wants us to file for joint legal and custodial custody so that neither of us would be ordered to pay.
I thought it would be simpler to give away my rights now and not have to deal with this when, and he will, remarries. I guess i'm asking if I would be allowed to sign away my rights to her under these circumstances?


No, that's not how it works.

You can give up custody, absolutely. But you cannot terminate your parental rights or obligations so easily.

Once Dad has custody, expect him to file for child support.
 
I meant that child support would not be an issue because my husband has the means to take care of her and if he thinks I might be ordered to pay support anyway he wants us to file for joint legal and custodial custody so that neither of us would be ordered to pay.
I thought it would be simpler to give away my rights now and not have to deal with this when, and he will, remarries. I guess i'm asking if I would be allowed to sign away my rights to her under these circumstances?

That's not how custody/CS works.

Link to Alabama Code on Child Custody
http://alisondb.legislature.state.al.us/acas/CodeOfAlabama/1975/128972.htm

Link to Alabama Administrative Court site on Child Support:
http://www.alacourt.gov/ChildSupportInfo.aspx
 
I meant that child support would not be an issue because my husband has the means to take care of her and if he thinks I might be ordered to pay support anyway he wants us to file for joint legal and custodial custody so that neither of us would be ordered to pay.
I thought it would be simpler to give away my rights now and not have to deal with this when, and he will, remarries. I guess i'm asking if I would be allowed to sign away my rights to her under these circumstances?

Your husband having a means to support child doe snot remove your legal obligation to also support child. Now your husband can refuse support or agree to very low amount (unless on State or federal aid) but some support will very likely be ordered. If you wish you can discuss the low or no support in exchange for you not contesting the custody request
 
Wait. Custody is very hard to modify. I would not accept anything less than joint custody with as much time as you can get with the child. You are still going to be stuck paying child support, so don't dream about not paying even for a minute.
 
Wait. Custody is very hard to modify. I would not accept anything less than joint custody with as much time as you can get with the child. You are still going to be stuck paying child support, so don't dream about not paying even for a minute.


Reading between the lines, it looks like Mom doesn't actually want the child...
 
Reading between the lines, it looks like Mom doesn't actually want the child...

You are probably right. I hooe she realizes the mistake she is about to make. For divorce parents, you have to modify the age old phrase "you can't escape death and taxes" to include child support. Good luck op!
 
You are probably right. I hooe she realizes the mistake she is about to make. For divorce parents, you have to modify the age old phrase "you can't escape death and taxes" to include child support. Good luck op!

I am NOT trying or hoping to escape paying child support. Maybe I just fell short of explaining our situation in a way that makes it clearer. Obviously, I have come across as a horrible unloving and uncaring mother. I really struggling with what's best for my little one. I don't think this way is gonna work. It will take someone that knows her special needs.
I'm not anxious to give up parental rights and if it's not possible to do that, fine. I was only wondering, considering, and if you read my initial question carefully, if this would be the best thing for her and her dad. Please don't judge me yet.
 
I strongly support a parent who is brave enough to look past their own nose and do what's best for the child. I do sincerely apologize.

(No, I'm serious - it takes a LOT for a parent to realize that the child's best interest would be better served being raised without them)

I don't have any easy answers. I don't even have any difficult answers and I'm coming up short even with emotional support websites.

You can of course allow Dad to have complete legal and physical custody, with you having no visitation. And at least that leaves open the possibility of visitation in the future.

Other than that, again, I apologize.
 
You can of course allow Dad to have complete legal and physical custody, with you having no visitation. And at least that leaves open the possibility of visitation in the future.

Other than that, again, I apologize.

Sorry I came across as a jerk. Here is my main concern OP, divorces are expensive and fixing a mess such as a poorly drafted parenting plan is even more expensive. This assumes it is even possible to change. If you were to change your mind a day aftet the final court document is signed, you would be at the mercy of your ex. If he chose not to give you any extra parenting time, you'd be SOL. MOST States have clearly defined laws to change a parenting plan. These include best interest of the child and a significant change in circumnstances (wanting more parenting time is not one of them).

IMHO, you should as for joint legal with standard visits. You are not held accountable to make the visits, but are there as an option for you.
 
Sorry I came across as a jerk. Here is my main concern OP, divorces are expensive and fixing a mess such as a poorly drafted parenting plan is even more expensive. This assumes it is even possible to change. If you were to change your mind a day aftet the final court document is signed, you would be at the mercy of your ex. If he chose not to give you any extra parenting time, you'd be SOL. MOST States have clearly defined laws to change a parenting plan. These include best interest of the child and a significant change in circumnstances (wanting more parenting time is not one of them).

IMHO, you should as for joint legal with standard visits. You are not held accountable to make the visits, but are there as an option for you.

Pray, tell, what is 'standard' in a state that has no codified visitation?
 
I'm sorry, I am not a lawyer. I am just a fellow parent learning about a very corrupt system. Unless the kid is in mortal danger, the op will find it hard to change a custody modification. It takes time, money, and a pretty darn good reason.

I would go for the average minimum. When in doubt, consult other States. I live in Texas, which has a rather define custody plan. Fortunately, I deviated so I get my kids close to 50% of the time.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top