being denied visits with daughter parental alienation obsessive type?

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Hello- i am a 43 yr old disabled woman and the non-custodial parent (i have legal joint custody with my exhusband) of my 13 year old daughter in tx. My ex husband and his new wife have done everything possible to keep my daughter from her visitation with me , off and on since about 2008. As of today 12/14/2013 , I havent had one court ordered visit with her since 11/17/12 . They broke the court order, but know that i have very little money and cant afford an attorney . Legal aid wont help because its not an emergency situation. there is more to the story. I got in some legal trouble several months ago (for the first time ever in 43 years of life)I went to court and received probation. my charge was a non-violent , first offense. I got defferred adjudication so when I finish my probation, it will not even go on my record. I havent been perfect. My legal problem was a one-time mistake I made. I was going to discuss it with my daughter when she was a few years older and the time was right. I didnt feel like this was the best time. Her dad and step-mom new how I felt about this and
*immediately told my daughter everything plus details that were completely untrue. They also told my daughter that I never planned on telling her and keeping it all a secret from her because I was a selfish person and didn't care about other peoples feelings. Before they completely cut off my communication with my daughter last year, her step-mom would make it a point to always know where I was (she would call me every single day, first from her phone but I would see it was her calling so I wouldn't answer (she new I didn't like her calling me every day for no real reason, why should i have to check-in with her daily unless its concerning my daughter?) a couple of seconds after that I would receive another phone call- this time from my daughters cell phone. When I answered my phone it would be the step-mom with the same old story that her cell phone battery was dead so she was having to use my daughters phone to call. Sometimes she would also contact my family members or friends to
*talk to and ask questions about me. Do I have a boyfriend? have I bought anything new lately? am I hanging out with anyone new? Am I working? where at? how long? hanging out, what is going on on my life. I don't understand her why she does this- for my ex maybe? I don't know and really don't care- I just want my to see my daughter regularly and have the wonderful relationship with her that we both deserve. I pay my part of child support . I am a responsible mom and always have been. I have always loved being with my daughter, when I was the custodial (birth 2000-2010) and the non-custodial parent (2010-2013). *I had to divorce my ex husband even though I loved him. One day he got angry over a picture being out of place on the wall and got violent toward me . After that first time he hurt me it never stopped. Ironically he loves our daughter always treated very good. As for me the abuse gradually got worse . We divorced in 2005 ( legal aid helped me thank god) I had a protective order against him for 2 years immediately after that . He told me back then that he would get even someday. I didn't care what he said , I was just happy to be away from him. *Now it seems like he and his wife are using my child to take out his never ending anger at me. Whats worse is that they have also included my mother in there alienation campaign. its extremely sad for my mom
*because my daughter is her first grandchild and they were always extremely close until the last 1-2 years. Being disabled, I am on a fixed income and I have applied at 2 programs - My case didn't qualify for either. I would love any advice you may have. You know the weirdest part of this Parental Alienation is that my own father did exactly the same thing to my mother and me (I was 11yrs old) when she divorced him. I had no contact with my mom for 9 yrs. *I am happy to tell you that she and I live together and have a wonderful relationship- she*loves and misses my daughter -just as much as me. Thank you for any help/info you can give. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

OP, PLEASE take out your personal info.

My moderator status will not let me do that.

Now, once you've done that.

You pay part of the ordered child support - does that mean you're not paying all of it?

I am sorry you are going through this. First, stop calling it Parental Alienation as it's frawned upon in family law/court. Call it custodial interference or custodian.witholding the child.

What does your court order say about times you can have your child? When do you get possession of your child?

Do you live near her school? Do you live in the same city?

There are steps you can take to make a solid case against her father.

1- Send the father a cettified letter with return receipt requested along with an identical copy sent via first class mail. You need both methods to prove delivery and receipt. The letter should be brief, no more than 3 or 4 sentences. In it, tell your ex that you intend on excersising your time of possessions on such and such dates. Also, make it clear you will excersise this time in the future. Close the letter saying that you hope you can come with an amicable solution, but if you can't that you will pursue this matter in court and will assign legal fees to him.

2- Go to the pickup place on your set time. Get there early and purchase something with a time-stamped receipt to prove you where near the pickup place.

3- If the child is not there or they interfere (dont allow you) with your parenting time, then call the non-emergency line. Usually, they won't do anything as it's a civil matter. However, they will file a report, which you can get copies for court. If non one is home, knock on a few neighbors and ask for their whereabouts. Write their names as they are witnesses you went to the pickup. Leave a note if you have to saying you were there.

4- Send another Certified Letter with return receipt requested along with a copy sent first-class. In this letter, write that you were at the agreed upon pickup place, but no one was there or you were not allowed to pick up your daughter. Keep it brief, 3-4 sentences.

5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 as needed. After 3 violations of the court order and documented in this fashion, you will have a case to go to court.

Now, I live in Texas and there is an office that helps you deal with custodial interference. They wont help you unless you have 3 documented cases of interference. I think I got their number by calling the customer service number of the child support office.

Not paying the full child support will hurt your case. However, your ex can also get into a heep of trouble as most Texas divorce has a line saying not paying child support cannot be punished by witholding parenting time.

On another note, you have to be proactive on seeing your daughter. Why dont you volunteer at her school? Why dont you have lunch ar her school once a week? There are more opportunities to be with your daughter then those assigned in the decree. Unless, of course, your present probation or other court orders forbid you from being in a school or near your daughter. You must follow the law.

Good luck!

Wait, I just reread the part about you losing custody. What happened? What measures have you taken to better yourself to be a good mother to your children? I hope you have done some soul searching.

Look, the above plan can help you regain some of the lost parenting time. However, it must be implemented right and you must have also cleaned your record. Custody isn't lost or reversed easily. My guess is that you did something terrible. I hope you have corrected it. This isn't about you, it's about your child and what is best for your child.

FYI - "Parental alienation" is real and valid.

It's PAS that has been discredited.

There's also no contempt if Mom hasn't actually gone to the exchange point.

Proserpina said:

FYI - "Parental alienation" is real and valid.

It's PAS that has been discredited.

There's also no contempt if Mom hasn't actually gone to the exchange point.

Click to expand...

+1... Document before going the contempt route.

As for Parental Alienation, believe me I'm there with you. I am living through that hell right now. I just read somewhere and have been told by lawyers that it's best not to brand it like such in court. Rather, let the other parents actions innactions show the true colors of the situation.

My main concern now is you are being bullied into not exercising your parenting time OP. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go pick up your kid on your time. Document as above so you can have a solid case of contempt.