How to get my son from his paternal grandmother after Father's arrest

My son is fourteen years old and his father is very manipulating. He chose to live with father. Although my son is at the age to decide, I fought this due to his father being arrested for domestic violence on his wife, and because his most recent arrest for domestic battery conviction on his wife's eleven year old son with bodily injury. Despite the fact he was pending a probation violation for failing a drug screen and had a pending hearing, My son's father was awarded sole legal and physical custody. Currently, one month later to the date of the change of custody, his father is in jail until at least December 17th 2013, and has a warrant out of another county. No one will disclose what the warrant is for or what county it is out of. I have attempted calling the police to get my son, and they will not remove him from the grandmother. In addition, they refused my parenting time this weekend. When calling the police, all I get is it is a civil matter and get a lawyer. Well I cannot afford a lawyer which is why he got custody in the first place. I have called Division of Family and Children and they cannot intervene because I can't prove my son is in danger. Today, I received court papers for emergency temporary custody from his attorney for his mother to have temporary custody. I have a very unfair Judge and would like a change of venue, but he has 30 days to respond, giving my son 30 more days at his grandmother's. And the Judge will likely deny my request because I don't have an attorney. I should have first right's while he is in jail. I filed emergency custody due to his father being in jail on Friday 11/08/2013 by fax. How can I get my son until a decision is made. I have nothing on my record and I cannot understand this county's unlawful decisions.. Someone please tell how to get my son.

(Incidentally, there is only one state where the child actually gets to effectively "choose" his abode - and it ain't Indiana)


You don't have any reason to compel a change in venue. The county is not at fault here, and they're certainly not doing anything unlawful.

The big question though is this: How far do you live from Dad, and how often have you been in contact with your son during the past year or so?

Well prior to the change of custody on October 4, 2013, he lived with me and his father had no contact with him from August 2010 to November 2012, filed a month before he turned 14. We live nearly 2 hours apart, well considering he is in jail, 2.5. So it's okay to deny parenting time and a grandmother has rights over a mother w no arrests, is that what your saying? Certainly if I had all day to attach all his criminal history, you may have a change of opinion. Comment appreciated.

Please re-read. I did not say it was okay to deny parenting time, or anything even vaguely close to that.

Dad's criminal history has no bearing at this point; you let your son live there and that tells the court that you're fine with Dad's parenting.

There was actually a reason why I asked the question. So I'll ask another and hope you respond appropriately this time. Will moving with you allow kiddo to remain in his current school?

As a very general rule, the rights of the parent/s absolutely trump the rights of the grandparents (and anyone else for that matter). However, with an older child who may have his life turned upside down if he has to relocate, it is possible for a third party to get custody even if the other parent is completely fit.

I never let my son live there with his father. I fought this in court with every documentation of his criminal record, the fact I am stable and have a home and he lives with his parents at 43 and I'm 33. In addition, our son was already enrolled in school here with me for two months. Please understand I am very aware of what his father is capable of and that I would NEVER have agreed to this, but again he is 14. However I knew his dad would mess up, he always does. But a month to the date of getting custody, that to me, says a great deal.

To answer your second question, no it will not allow him to remain in the same school district. He would return back to the school he started, a 4 star school.

A month, 30 days he has attended this school 30 days it took his father to get in trouble again, which is less time than he attended this year with me. Why does this not play a role that I am his Mother, and like you said Parents trump all others, so why can't I go get him; My original question? The fact that a grandmother prevented parenting time shows lack of following court orders, so she is not responsible in my opinion. Of course I am going to be less objective because this is my son and it is beyond frustrating. Dad isn't getting out for awhile.

May I ask you a question? Now that you know I fought this in court, and that I never said I was okay with dads parenting, he is 14, the age to decide, does this change your perspective on things?

He's not of the age where he can decide. Again there is one state where the child's preference must be heard - and that state isn't Indiana.

It really doesn't change my perspective - whether it was yours or the court's decision, Dad was/is considered more suitable for custody.

With regards to grandma, do you actually have a copy yet of what she filed?

The problem here is timing. If Dad could be out as early as the end of December, the chances of the court actually awarding you even temporary custody is not strong. It's a temporary absence, and in all honesty there's a better-than-decent chance that this won't even be decided by that time which makes the whole thing moot.

Let's say Dad is released from this County, they still have to hold him for the county who has a warrant for him. And when emergency Custody is filed, I was told the Judge has three days to make a decision, coming from an attorney from this County. My confusion is the big "what -if." Meanwhile, a parent who is in no legal trouble, well there isn't any "what if's"

No, I have not gotten anything in regards to the grandmother filing anything. What do you think she filed and why?

I am simply asking, and if I knew the answers, then I wouldn't ask. Please understand I am not trying to be argumentative, I am simply trying to understand.

Also, I seen where you said in your first response there is only one state where a child's preference must be heard. I guess what I should correct is that at the age of 14, a child's preference is considerably taken into consideration. Also, I think a lot depends on a Judge, what kind, if he really cares, or it's just one more case.

Madmom80 said:

Let's say Dad is released from this County, they still have to hold him for the county who has a warrant for him. And when emergency Custody is filed, I was told the Judge has three days to make a decision, coming from an attorney from this County. My confusion is the big "what -if." Meanwhile, a parent who is in no legal trouble, well there isn't any "what if's"

No, I have not gotten anything in regards to the grandmother filing anything. What do you think she filed and why?

I am simply asking, and if I knew the answers, then I wouldn't ask. Please understand I am not trying to be argumentative, I am simply trying to understand.

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Please don't get me wrong - unless there are unusual circumstances present I'm usually the last person to advocate 3rd party custody over the living, fit parent (if you were to say I was actually against third party custody you wouldn't be far off ). But in this case it's murky at best. You SHOULD be able to get custody - after all, this is your child. Not your grandchild. Alas, sometimes the courts will apply "best interest" as more or less the sole reasoning and if Dad gets out in a month or two, the court may think that staying local and within the same school district is in your son's best interest.

You've really got to get ahold of whatever Grandma has filed. The only valid reason I can see is again because the absence is temporary.

With that said, let's go a bit further. If the County lets him go, what's the likely length of time for the other county's issue?

I'm going on a hunch that Grandma simply things she has rights over you. That's sadly very common.

I don't know the charge in the county that has him now, aside from a probation violation. Typically it is 14 day hold, but he always gets a bond until this time. When I asked what the charge was in the other county, I was told that it was not showing. When I asked what county has the hold on him, they could not disclose that information. So, I don't know what county has the hold on him, nor the charge. Grandma is her son's own worst enemy by bonding him out of everything. There comes a time to cut the cord, especially when women aren't enough to abuse, he abuses an eleven year old child resulting in bodily injury. Is there a way I can search and find out. I have certainly tried and I cannot find a site that is free, and there are so many fraudulent sites, I don't trust that method. This case I can keep as updated as the county updates his information because I have the cause number. Another county, another arrest, I can't get that cause number until the arrest is made and he is transferred. Which I would think would cause him to violate probation again by getting arrested on another charge. Say I wanted to search myself, could I because I know my information? Grandma has tried to play mom in the past, and many arguments have taken place in the past. It is not really Dad who wanted him, it was grandma. To his benefit, his child support stopped and arrears at nearly $13,000.

Madmom80 said:

I don't know the charge in the county that has him now, aside from a probation violation. Typically it is 14 day hold, but he always gets a bond until this time. When I asked what the charge was in the other county, I was told that it was not showing. When I asked what county has the hold on him, they could not disclose that information. So, I don't know what county has the hold on him, nor the charge. Grandma is her son's own worst enemy by bonding him out of everything. There comes a time to cut the cord, especially when women aren't enough to abuse, he abuses an eleven year old child resulting in bodily injury. Is there a way I can search and find out. I have certainly tried and I cannot find a site that is free, and there are so many fraudulent sites, I don't trust that method. This case I can keep as updated as the county updates his information because I have the cause number. Another county, another arrest, I can't get that cause number until the arrest is made and he is transferred. Which I would think would cause him to violate probation again by getting arrested on another charge. Say I wanted to search myself, could I because I know my information? Grandma has tried to play mom in the past, and many arguments have taken place in the past. It is not really Dad who wanted him, it was grandma. To his benefit, his child support stopped and arrears at nearly $13,000.

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Father magically got out, unsure of how. Magically the warrant wasn't showing up last week. I would assume whatever the charge in the other county , Paternal grandmother paid it the fee/bond before she thought possibly anyone would find out. In addition, Grandmother's attorney has filed motion to Intervene, Motion for temporary emergency Custody, and motion for an in camera interview with the Judge again. I motioned to strike, Judge ordered Grandmother as Intervener, and in-camera interview. How about if he's big enough to decide, he is big enough to go on the stand. I had to at 15. This case is to be heard on Monday. I see where this is going already. Correct me if I am wrong, that I don't stand a chance here except one thing, which I am holding on to that has been overlooked. Minor, yet Huge! He will mess up again, and that's when this will be useful. Since I have to drive 2 hours away for a pointless hearing, is there anyway get out of it now? Is Dad stable, no, but he wasn't when given custody, therefore this Judge doesn't care. Who is above a county court Judge, aside from Appellate Court? There are no Senior Judges, I looked.

If it goes badly and you lose, you've really got to find an error of law before you can successfully appeal. An unwanted outcome isn't enough.

If you don't attend, one of two things will happen. Either the judge will give you another shot at rescheduling, or it will be ruled against you simply by default.

You've got to try to attend, Mom.

In particular, Dad is out now, correct? So why does Grandma think an emergency custody petition is necessary? Wouldn't it be logical to just withdraw the petition and nothing changes - Dad remains custodial parent?

2 hours to get there...make it work, Mom!

I can make it happen, but logically as you said, dad is out now, so it would be sensible for us both to withdraw emergency petition. Dad still has pending hearings, so who's to say what the outcome will be. In addition, there is the other county where he has a charge. I do not know how serious the charges are. In this particular county, I can view online that his probation officer is requesting his suspended sentence be revoked. 1.5 years I believe. If that happens, then we will be back in court under the same circumstances that DAD is in jail. In court, I would hope to think all his charges and violations should play a factor in the Judges decision. Therefore, he will have to publically state them all. However, I don't know this Judge well, and I really don't want to.

Is this really what is best, fo our son to continue to watch hic dad go to court dates, wondering if he is going to come home; or go to jail again for whatever. Patterns are hard to break, good or bad. Since this is where he is supposedly staying with his mother and our son, this is the life our son will be living. That seems unreasonable, but I guess if I were the Judge we wouldn't be having this conversation. Grandmother's attorney filed before he got out.

I just don't think a 14 year old understands the overall, he wants a father, has for years. The emotional distress he has already been through, he's holding in, and still is, like nothing is wrong. My position stands at this point, is get him some inpatient help. I must have failed somewhere in 2010 and I had him in counseling. Only a Judge can order a facility to accept a person into a mental health facility, oppose to taking them for an assessment. Then, based on the Psychiatrist's opinion whether or not to admit them. Still someone must have custody, but regardless of who, I feel the most important issue at hand is getting him inpatient help with no distractions, opinions, or worries. In my opinion, it's a start to help him deal with true fact he probably is never going to have a real father, teach coping skills, and life skills.

Obviously, Grandma knows a lot more than me regarding dad, and yes I will absolutely appear, it's just frustrating to see everyone overlook the real issue at hand. He is 14, and not property. Most of all, the fact he holds everything in, in my opinion will result in a HUGE blow out one day. I'll admit, at first I was furious because I nearly guided the questions DAD answered to show a what if situation. Then Grandma is withholding my own son after I knew this would happen, and I am MOM. I do feel I should have rights over her, but ultimately if that's where he wants to be, he needs to learn how to cope with things and not ignore them or hold them in. If the Judge said ok DAD, you had your chance you lasted a moth, he's going back to MOM. I would still ask that he be ordered into inpatient therapy immediately. Is that wrong? I had him in counseling for two years, and for the first 9 months, he refused to see her without me in the room. That's why I feel inpatient is best, no distractions.

Granny is beating you because she's got deeper pockets, or chooses to spend her money fighting this madness.

Bottom line, she'll continue to beat you because she funds her son's legal battles and hires lawyers.

If you start hiring lawyers, things will change.

If you keep trying to do this pro se, you're likely to keep losing.

The good news is, Sonny Boy will be 18 in a few more years.

So, keep building a good mother-child relationship, and he can choose to be around you and away from them.

This s simply a fact of every aspect of life, MONEY GETS THINGS DONE!!!!