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    Dealing with a lying, vengeful dead beat father in court

    I left my child's father after 3 years of abuse (mental/emotional). Shortly after I met and moved in with a healthy and supportive man, he let me finish school and be took care of everything for my daughter & I. My kids father completely fell of the face of the earth, change his number and wouldn't see my child. His mother and his family were all involved and helped me except him, they even encouraged me to take him to child support which I dropped once he claimed he was broke and was asked to give me 50 a month which he thought was funny and left court laughing in my face. He left bills paid under my name, which my bf ended up paying, he wouldn't give me any Limey or help his mother so my bf paid the grandma weekly for all her help with my 2 year old. Throughout the year I emailed the father(only communication I had with him) to help financially or physically, he never did. Shortly after I decided to move out of state closer to my family, it's at that point that my kids father took me to court for custody and visitation and it's been a living hell since. We came to court and were forces to stay in NY, I wasn't even allowed to leave to get my things. He hired a very aggressive attorney that has repeatedly lied in court, I have been treated like a criminal the past 8 months. I spent all my savings on an attorney but I'm not getting anywhere. My ex is back with his first ex wife which is a completely evil woman 10 years older than me and used to threaten me when I was with him. She called me child a bastard when I was pregnant amongst many other things. This woman has a sister that works within the family court which I believe is the know guiding my ex. He has lied about 99% of everything he claimed in court- he's completely evil, they called Acs on me aiming I hit my child I didn't see my child for 3 treacherous weeks until the investigation was over which Acs saw proof that I showed the father has been lying. My child later told me that his girlfriend told her to say I hit her and she's the one that called the Acs on me. If I'm 5 minutes late to pick up my child her father files reports against me. I've tried to talk to him to ask him why he's doing this but he won't even look at me in my eyes. My child comes back to me and tells me the worst things imaginable the girlfriend says about me. My ex has even gone so far to say we were never together lived together and all we had was an affair!! I have given my lawyer and Acs tons of pictures, gifts letters, bills, w2 etc proving we in fact were together. My child is regressing and is constantly peeing on herself now, I finally got her in school and into activities to distract her from this negativity but I'm drained and I don't understand how a court system is making me give visitation to the father every weekend when he doesn't have the best interest if our child. It's clear he's malicious and doing this to deliberately hurt me. I asked my case to be transferred to a judge since we have a referee and I was told the judge is on vacation and I would have to leave my child in the fathers custody for 2 weeks until the judge came back. I cried for 2 hours them agreed to keep it with the referee but how can all this be happening? He's paying a lot of money for his attorney but he won't give me a penny. The referee sent us to a forensic psy and moved this court date to the end of the year but I can't keep living like this. I missed my kids 4th bday trip to Disney bc her father claimed I would kidnap her so I'm forced to stay in ny with her I can't even go visit my family without several weeks notice and approval of the courts. . I'm sorry this is very long anyone with info/websites, or any insight on my situation would help.


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    I don't know what to tell you except work with/talk with your lawyer (you noted you have one). You have to follow the court's decisions. Maybe someone else will come along here & have some suggestions for you. Good luck.
    Blessed is the person who has earned the love of an old dog. S.J. Seward

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariposa View Post
    I left my child's father after 3 years of abuse (mental/emotional). Shortly after I met and moved in with a healthy and supportive man, he let me finish school and be took care of everything for my daughter & I. My kids father completely fell of the face of the earth, change his number and wouldn't see my child. His mother and his family were all involved and helped me except him, they even encouraged me to take him to child support which I dropped once he claimed he was broke and was asked to give me 50 a month which he thought was funny and left court laughing in my face. He left bills paid under my name, which my bf ended up paying, he wouldn't give me any Limey or help his mother so my bf paid the grandma weekly for all her help with my 2 year old. Throughout the year I emailed the father(only communication I had with him) to help financially or physically, he never did. Shortly after I decided to move out of state closer to my family, it's at that point that my kids father took me to court for custody and visitation and it's been a living hell since. We came to court and were forces to stay in NY, I wasn't even allowed to leave to get my things. He hired a very aggressive attorney that has repeatedly lied in court, I have been treated like a criminal the past 8 months. I spent all my savings on an attorney but I'm not getting anywhere. My ex is back with his first ex wife which is a completely evil woman 10 years older than me and used to threaten me when I was with him. She called me child a bastard when I was pregnant amongst many other things. This woman has a sister that works within the family court which I believe is the know guiding my ex. He has lied about 99% of everything he claimed in court- he's completely evil, they called Acs on me aiming I hit my child I didn't see my child for 3 treacherous weeks until the investigation was over which Acs saw proof that I showed the father has been lying. My child later told me that his girlfriend told her to say I hit her and she's the one that called the Acs on me. If I'm 5 minutes late to pick up my child her father files reports against me. I've tried to talk to him to ask him why he's doing this but he won't even look at me in my eyes. My child comes back to me and tells me the worst things imaginable the girlfriend says about me. My ex has even gone so far to say we were never together lived together and all we had was an affair!! I have given my lawyer and Acs tons of pictures, gifts letters, bills, w2 etc proving we in fact were together. My child is regressing and is constantly peeing on herself now, I finally got her in school and into activities to distract her from this negativity but I'm drained and I don't understand how a court system is making me give visitation to the father every weekend when he doesn't have the best interest if our child. It's clear he's malicious and doing this to deliberately hurt me. I asked my case to be transferred to a judge since we have a referee and I was told the judge is on vacation and I would have to leave my child in the fathers custody for 2 weeks until the judge came back. I cried for 2 hours them agreed to keep it with the referee but how can all this be happening? He's paying a lot of money for his attorney but he won't give me a penny. The referee sent us to a forensic psy and moved this court date to the end of the year but I can't keep living like this. I missed my kids 4th bday trip to Disney bc her father claimed I would kidnap her so I'm forced to stay in ny with her I can't even go visit my family without several weeks notice and approval of the courts. . I'm sorry this is very long anyone with info/websites, or any insight on my situation would help.
    This is why we have a justice system.

    He has the right to due process, as do you.

    It isn't stalling,illegal, or corrupt to avail oneself of all the rights the law allows.

    Sorry, you'll just have to continue to work with your lawyer to traverse yourself through the process.

    How long?

    Until the judge says so.

    Then he might appeal, and the journey could continue.

    What you dislike about him, I'm sure he dislikes about you.

    So, you're both better off avoiding negative behaviors and focusing on being a good mom and a good dad.

    Remember, YOU picked him to breed you, not the judge, not his lawyer, not your mom, not your, lawyer, and certainly not your kid(s).

    Choices have consequences, and this is one, just embrace it, accept it, deal with it, because it ain't going anywhere for the next decade and a half.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariposa View Post
    I left my child's father after 3 years of abuse (mental/emotional). Shortly after I met and moved in with a healthy and supportive man, he let me finish school and be took care of everything for my daughter & I. My kids father completely fell of the face of the earth, change his number and wouldn't see my child. His mother and his family were all involved and helped me except him, they even encouraged me to take him to child support which I dropped once he claimed he was broke and was asked to give me 50 a month which he thought was funny and left court laughing in my face. He left bills paid under my name, which my bf ended up paying, he wouldn't give me any Limey or help his mother so my bf paid the grandma weekly for all her help with my 2 year old. Throughout the year I emailed the father(only communication I had with him) to help financially or physically, he never did. Shortly after I decided to move out of state closer to my family, it's at that point that my kids father took me to court for custody and visitation and it's been a living hell since. We came to court and were forces to stay in NY, I wasn't even allowed to leave to get my things. He hired a very aggressive attorney that has repeatedly lied in court, I have been treated like a criminal the past 8 months. I spent all my savings on an attorney but I'm not getting anywhere. My ex is back with his first ex wife which is a completely evil woman 10 years older than me and used to threaten me when I was with him. She called me child a bastard when I was pregnant amongst many other things. This woman has a sister that works within the family court which I believe is the know guiding my ex. He has lied about 99% of everything he claimed in court- he's completely evil, they called Acs on me aiming I hit my child I didn't see my child for 3 treacherous weeks until the investigation was over which Acs saw proof that I showed the father has been lying. My child later told me that his girlfriend told her to say I hit her and she's the one that called the Acs on me. If I'm 5 minutes late to pick up my child her father files reports against me. I've tried to talk to him to ask him why he's doing this but he won't even look at me in my eyes. My child comes back to me and tells me the worst things imaginable the girlfriend says about me. My ex has even gone so far to say we were never together lived together and all we had was an affair!! I have given my lawyer and Acs tons of pictures, gifts letters, bills, w2 etc proving we in fact were together. My child is regressing and is constantly peeing on herself now, I finally got her in school and into activities to distract her from this negativity but I'm drained and I don't understand how a court system is making me give visitation to the father every weekend when he doesn't have the best interest if our child. It's clear he's malicious and doing this to deliberately hurt me. I asked my case to be transferred to a judge since we have a referee and I was told the judge is on vacation and I would have to leave my child in the fathers custody for 2 weeks until the judge came back. I cried for 2 hours them agreed to keep it with the referee but how can all this be happening? He's paying a lot of money for his attorney but he won't give me a penny. The referee sent us to a forensic psy and moved this court date to the end of the year but I can't keep living like this. I missed my kids 4th bday trip to Disney bc her father claimed I would kidnap her so I'm forced to stay in ny with her I can't even go visit my family without several weeks notice and approval of the courts. . I'm sorry this is very long anyone with info/websites, or any insight on my situation would help.


    Okay, first things first. Did you follow the law (in terms of notifying Dad AND the court) about the relocation? If the answer is "no", you messed up - BIG time.
    Next, this child is extremely young - she's going to be anxious. Your job is to help her learn coping skills.

    Finally, his ex has absolutely nothing to do with this. Dad has a Constitutionally protected right to parent his child. Nothing you've said here would justify supervised visitation, and he certainly won't have visitation removed completely.

    (Believe it or not, even felons can have not just visitation but custody of their children)

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    I'm not being negative in anyway- he's bitter because I left him & moves on. He tells our 4 yr old daughter to tell me he's getting married and that he's having more babies thinking that's going to upset me but it just annoys me bc he doesn't understand what he's doing to my daughter. He has nothing to say he doesn't like about me he's just MALICIOUS & spiteful. I had just turned 20 when I met him & he's 9 yrs older so I was very naive. He is taking me to court to have control over me not bc he is generally interested in my kid. He usually just leave my daughter at his moms when he is supposed to visit.






    Quote Originally Posted by army judge View Post
    This is why we have a justice system.

    He has the right to due process, as do you.

    It isn't stalling,illegal, or corrupt to avail oneself of all the rights the law allows.

    Sorry, you'll just have to continue to work with your lawyer to traverse yourself through the process.

    How long?

    Until the judge says so.

    Then he might appeal, and the journey could continue.

    What you dislike about him, I'm sure he dislikes about you.

    So, you're both better off avoiding negative behaviors and focusing on being a good mom and a good dad.

    Remember, YOU picked him to breed you, not the judge, not his lawyer, not your mom, not your, lawyer, and certainly not your kid(s).

    Choices have consequences, and this is one, just embrace it, accept it, deal with it, because it ain't going anywhere for the next decade and a half.

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