I started dating a guy a month ago who is an engineer professionally, but an amateur photographer. He does a lot of photography of landscapes, but of models as well.
We went a way for a weekend together, during which he photographed me (digital camera). Some of the photographs are embarrassing to me. I am sure they are rated "PG" by most standards (no nudity per se), but in my profession they could be considered questionable (both my profession and I myself are pretty conservative). He verbally explained to me that he could not release the photographs without a "model consent", which was never presented or signed. It was implied that the photographs were private and that he would never use them for anything. He has done some nude and lingerie type of photography; again, this is not what we did, but some of the poses were suggestive, not the way I have ever presented myself on film. At one point he unbuttoned my pants without my consent, I'm embarrassed to even admit that.
The guy has been unsteady in his interaction with me. This coupled with my bad judgement to allow myself to be photographed lead me to ask him for the photographs. His first reaction was to placate me, then he became irate. He is back to placating. I find it disturbing he is uneven in his affection, which makes me not trust him on several levels, but the pertinent one the disposition of the photographs.
I am getting together with him to review the photographs. He promised he would permanently delete any photos that I am uncomfortable with.
But, my intent is to ask him to give me ALL the photographs, then to delete any copies he has. My gut is telling me this is not going to go well. I am not sure how to handle this. I don't want to enflame the situation. I believe he considers himself an artist, and has an online presence.
Any suggestions as to how to handle this to avoid escalation?
Want to keep myself from unnecessary or unsupportable legal aspects.
I'm more than willing to pay him for his time (about 1-2 hour's worth during a weekend that involved other recreational activities not associated with these photographs.)
I fully realize I should not have put myself in this position. This may be simply a matter of him deleting without question. I doubt that he would blackmail me with them, but his uneven behavior makes that a slight posibility.
Thanks for any advice.
Playing and frolicking with a friend is not illegal. Regardless of how conservative your field is, everyone is expected to let their hair down a bit, once in a while. I think you need to recognize relaxing and being human is acceptable. You did not cross the line. You need to approach this from a relaxed attitude, rather than be stressed out by it.
Samaritan & Scholar
Madam I suggest you never have any contact with this creep.
The next time he could very well unbutton your pants, remove your undergarments, and sexually assault you.
Your story creeps me out.
My antenna are up, as yours should be, too!
This is not a man.
The thing you are dealing with is likely to be a sexual predator.
Danger, Jill Robinson, danger!!!!!!
Samaritan & Scholar
You may want to send some type of written communication demanding the return of the photos to you and making clear you have not given any permission, as was his request and explanation to you that such were absolutely required. In this way you can make sure that he was given notice that he cannot use these photos and that he acknowledged that they were taken under such terms. I'm at a loss as to why you'd even want to consider going along with this. The advice you were given above is dead on. This story is creepy and it sounds like this "photographer" is yet another guy hoping to take pictures he can hawk when the time and money is right. You really need to use better judgment.
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