Is This CyberStalking, and How Do I Stop It?

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JenPZ

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I work in NYC, and reside in upstate NY. I believe the jurisdiction might be NYC because I receive the emails on my work account.

During the last year, I have received over 200 emails from my first husband. I have asked him several times to contact me only to make handover arrangements, which he has ignored. Most of these emails contain allegations about my care our daughter, or accusations. He was violent during our marriage and I have sole custody of our daughter.

Recently, the volume and tone of the emails was creating so much stress that I requested him to contact my husband instead. He continues to contact me, even though my husband now responds when needed.

The distress this creates is indescribable. I am happily remarried with three younger children. This impacts our entire family.

I understand that with cyberstalking, there must be context and multiple strands of bullying or harassment, so I've listed below *some* the rest of what is going on.

He calls my parents to threaten them. In March he called them to threaten to send the FBI after me, because his answering machine was broken so he was not aware that my daughter had been making calls to him as required by our custody order while we were on our family vacation.

He tells our daughter things like, "I'm going to put your mommy in jail".

He follows and monitors my online activity. For example, he included in his court paperwork published articles that have appeared in local forums, such as the CEC (Charismatic Episcopal Church) website and the local paper's website. As he is based in the UK, these aren't "local" sites for him and he has no reason to go to them barring to look for me.

Is this cyberstalking, and if it is, what do I do about it? Is this a civil case (like a harassment case) or is this a criminal case?
 
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This sounds like it may be a criminal case and you may wish to file a complaint and get an order of protection. The key here is the presence of violence.

What is he harassing you about? What does he ultimately want or are these an endless string of threats?
 
This is at best a civil issue. His threats as I understand them are not about violence but about legal action. Further he is based in the UK so you would be hard pressed to be truly concerned about stalking. Anything that you put on the internet is PUBLIC INFORMATION and unless it is behind some security screen you have absolutely no right to privacy concerning it. No internet site is "local" as I don't have a clue where this site is based, and he isn't committing a crime by looking up information about you online.

As for the emails, you choose to open them. Let your husband deal with them. I would print and catalog each one of them. If law enforcement ever shows an interest in your because of him then show them your emails. I would say get a restraining order or to modify your divorce decree but he is out of the country and any order you get is fairly useless.

If he still has any contact rights with your child you might consider cutting off all contact by going to the court with your evidence. Do not cut him off until the court allows it. If he makes violent threats go take a warrant out for him. It won't do any good as long as he is in the UK, but when he comes back here it will be waiting on him.

Is this fellow by any chance a Muslim?
 
OP, it is probably not a wise thing for you to use your current husband to be an internediary between your ex-husband about your child.

You might want to petition to court to direct your ex-husband to contact you about your child only in emergency situations.

Yes, its silly, but some people need everything spelled out for them.

Well, they don't need it, they are jerks and jerks require everything to be in writing.

If the ex-husband violated the order, then you need not respond, just take the alleged violation back to court.

Sure, it sucks to have to do that, but some people behave badly.

I would also ask my employer to change my work email address.

Then I wouldn't give him my NEW email address.

I'd get a pre-paid telephone number (or an extra cell phone line) that I would ONLY to communicate with your ex-husband.

I'd change my home, work, and cell numbers; and NOT give them to my ex-husband.

It is better to limit the access this idiot has to you and your family.
 
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