I have sole custody, I need to know my rights....

I was recently awarded sole physical and legal custody of my 2 year old son. There is no set visitation schedule because his father travels a lot for his job and will be gone for up to a month or so at a time. Instead, the visitation is set as "reasonable visitation" at my discretion and him having to inform me at least 48 hours in advance if he's going to want our son. I don't have to let him have our son every time he asks, just reasonable amounts. The problem is this: my son's father has a friend that I absolutely do not want my son to be around. Since I have sole physical and legal custody, do I have any say in who he is around when he is visiting his father?? Please help me with this, I want to go to court and set up restrictions but I need information before I go to the courthouse. We live in upstate NY. My other question is whether or not I need my son's father's consent if I decide to move out of state with our son since I have sole legal and physical custody? Please help me with both of these, and thank you very much!

I trimmed your note down to the legally relevant parts.

singlemom27 said:

Since I have sole physical and legal custody, do I have any say in who he is around when he is visiting his father??

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No, you don't.

singlemom27 said:

Please help me with this, I want to go to court and set up restrictions but I need information before I go to the courthouse. We live in upstate NY.

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You have the most severe and restrictive forms of restrictions you are likely to get.

The 48 hour notice provision, many people would die to have that.
Where he takes the child and what they do, when it is HIS time is of no concern of yours.
That is the law.
If the child gets hurt, then you can might be able to make a case.
Until that happens, and usually it doesn't, can he monitor your time with the child?
This is one of the many consequences of situations similar to yours.

singlemom27 said:

My other question is whether or not I need my son's father's consent if I decide to move out of state with our son since I have sole legal and physical custody? Please help me with both of these, and thank you very much!

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You need the court's permission to do that.
Implicit in that permission, is your husband's.
He will be notified if you choose to do that.
Please bear in mind, that IF you move to another state, the NY Order will no longer apply in that state.
You'll have to petition that state to accept the NY Order and have a hearing on its terms.
Otherwise, you might find it increasingly difficult to enforce a NY Court Order in another state!


But, if you move without the court's permission, you open yourself up to possible contempt proceedings from the child's father!

Does it make any difference that he and I were never married? There is no agreement in court dictating anything about where either of us can or can't live. I've never signed any contracts in that area or anything. The court gave me sole physical and legal custody because he didn't even bother showing up to the custody hearing of his child.

singlemom27 said:

Does it make any difference that he and I were never married? There is no agreement in court dictating anything about where either of us can or can't live. I've never signed any contracts in that area or anything. The court gave me sole physical and legal custody because he didn't even bother showing up to the custody hearing of his child.

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You were the birth mom.

You had sole legal and physical custody by virtue of birth.

You didn't need to have the court in your life, unless you wanted child support.

It sounds as if you aren't getting that, so the hearing brought you NOTHING but restrictions.

Had you been my client, and didn't need any support (which I advise women against seeking), you could do anything you wanted with YOUR child.

It doesn't matter that you were never married.

by virtue of your previous court action, you have allowed this once unknown father to attain legal father status.

When that happened, he obtained legal rights to the child.

What you think to be sole legal and physical custody came with a huge cost.

That bum has his rights legitimized.

Your rights were minimized via the court.

As I said, you has all of that and more at birth.

No one challenged or contested your motherhood!

singlemom27 said:

Does it make any difference that he and I were never married? There is no agreement in court dictating anything about where either of us can or can't live. I've never signed any contracts in that area or anything. The court gave me sole physical and legal custody because he didn't even bother showing up to the custody hearing of his child.

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State stat's/case law dictate your LEGAL OBLIGATION to notify Dad and the courts of your intent to move the child. Even if you were never married.

Of course YOU are free to move where-ever you wish...but the child must stay in the courts jurisdiction.

The fact you were not married has nothing to do with it. You had a baby out of wedlock so why should it matter? If paternity is established and there is a visitation schedule, that is all that matters.

You have no say or power to control who the child sees when he is with dad. Unless YOU can prove this personis a child abuser or a sex offender, you have little recourse here.

Also sole and physical custody does NOT mean you get to relocate out of state. You will need permission from dad or the court. You'll need to prove the move is in the childs best interest and you may find yourself paying for all of travel costs for Dad to visits. Sorry but Dad does have some rights here, like it or not. Try talking to him on the move first.

Question ?

Ok so my mom has sole custody over me my brother and sister is possible for her to change my name( first and last) without the consent of my bio logical father who gave up his right to us? If you could please help me it would be great thanks.

SmallWorld1994 said:

Ok so my mom has sole custody over me my brother and sister is possible for her to change my name( first and last) without the consent of my bio logical father who gave up his right to us? If you could please help me it would be great thanks.

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