Thinking about going for 100% Custody

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karinlynn1

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For the last 4.5 years, I have been a single parent of my daughter, who is 4.5 years. Her Dad has only seen her 4 times during this time frame, never calls her, never wants to talk to her. I am really thinking of going for full physical custody, but I am worried about losing my child support. Currently the custody orders stand at mine being 98% and his being 2%. And 50/50 for medical and school/childcare costs. But, it is clear that he really wants nothing to do with her. He doesn't put forth the effort, and in the end, I am worried about my daughter being hurt by his negligence. Because when he does call, it's very sporadic (about every 6-8 weeks). And half the time, because he does not take the time to build up a relationship with her, she wants nothing to do with him. But, I really do not want to lose my child support for her, as well as the fact she's on his insurance because of him being in the Military. Please advise me on what to do, because I am seeing my child get hurt by this. And, I don't know what to do anymore....
 
Why would you consider doing this?

Do you think that 100 percent custody means that dad cannot ever contact his daughter?

This does not mean he has his parental rights taken away from him.

Gail
 
Well, let's do the math: 02% of 365 days = 6-7 days a year! So, if he's military, what with their deploment cycle, 4-5 times is almost right. You seem more worried about child support and insurance, than whether he sees the child. In fact, I note a a sense of remorse that you might want him to see you. The child is entitled to TriCare or military medical until she is 18. If he remains in the military. If you obtained full custody, she wouldn't lose her military medical. I don't know why you say there is a 50-50 health care cost split, because his military service ensure healthcare at no financial cost!

Maybe you're worried about her child care costs, more than anything?

You want full custody, go for it. I doubt he'd put up any resistance, and you'd likely keep the support levels the same.


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You really have no right to expect child support at full from Dad but yet do not allow visits. You are being unreasonable and Dad has a right to take you to court for more visits, which he will likely get since now he is contacted is so limited.

So stop being so concerned about money and realize Dad has rights here. The fact he wants contact is good. Your daughter is WAAY to young to even think she wants nothing to do with Dad and a child that age cannot even comprehend a thought like that without you coaching her.


So since Dad has such limited contact anyways, do tell us what exactly you think full custody is going to give you? I can almost guarantee if you do anything to rock the boat now, he will fight you.
 
rachael said:
Damn Duraine...Guess you didn't read that right AT ALL. He chooses to be involved so little.
Gosh..
Click to expand...

Perhaps YOU aren't reading that right - how do we know Dad is actually able, because of his being in the military, to even exercise regular visitation?


On a practical note OP, you already virtually have full physical.

And as was mentioned, full physical does NOT equate to "no visitation". I can pretty much guarantee that no court in the land will order NO visitation for a military parent in these circumstances.
 
I flatly do not believe you want 100% custody because you are seeing your "child be hurt by this." You totally lost me when you said you wanted 100% custody but you are worried about losing your child support. That just smacks of "cash for kids" attitude. You either want 100% custody because it will hurt your kids not to or you want him to start being a daddy and keep your child support. There is nothing in between.

Anything else just smacks of money grubbing. The most important thing is NOT the money. It's a shame he isn't having more contact with his child. Marry someone and adopt the child if you want 100% custody, but don't tell us you want it but you want him to pay for it. Please.
 
"For the last 4.5 years, I have been a single parent of my daughter, who is 4.5 years. Her Dad has only seen her 4 times during this time frame, never calls her, never wants to talk to her."

"But, it is clear that he really wants nothing to do with her. He doesn't put forth the effort"

Although I don't agree with it. I'm just going by what was actually stated. Not what you think may be going on.
 
It is very obvious by her post she is solely concerned about money and could care less if the child sees Dad at all.
 
I do care if she sees her Dad. Do you know who bought a plane ticket for him to come out here to see his daughter? ME. Do you know who gets a hold of HIS mom to say I can stop by on my way to San Diego from Los Angeles so she can see her granddaughter...ME! I have even bought plane tickets to go out to VA so she can have a relationship with him. Do I get any kind of thank you or acknowledgment that I do all the legwork? I work for a school district, I am currently making all possible attempts to get my BA Degree by next year to become a teacher, and after I get all that done and accomplished, I could care less if he pays me child support or not. I am just sick of him not making any effort and also his family. They have never contacted me to say they are in town and want to see her... NEVER. I do all the legwork with everything. It's quite frustrating....
 
You can't make a person love another person. This is what results from poor choices. In fact, pushing some males to bond with kids, drives them away. You may never get what you want for your child. But, you can be a great mom! Stop worrying about this deadbeat and money. Just be a great mom! Your child is getting hurt because of your efforts. Stop trying to make him do right, he'll only keep doing more wrong. Just do the best you can with what you have. You made choices that did this to YOUR child, stop making more bad choices.


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