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[fried2styles666]

Jurisdiction/Place: USA - New York

Ok, I agreed to help a lesbian woman try and have a baby. We agreed that I would have no financial responsibility and she would raise the baby with her partner. We never got it in writing.

I have not been in contact with this women since she called to tell me the baby had been born. Now it is 6 months old. About 2 weeks ago she contacted me and is demanding I take a peternity test "so it is clear" who that father is. She is still saytiing that she doesn't want any money(which is impossible to believe). We agreed the test would not use my name or address. I resisted at first, but since she has agreed to sign a contract that puts our initial arrangement IN WRITING. She has threatened to go to Court and have them ORDER a paternity test unless I submit to hers.

Also: after a little digging, I found out that she has several "escort" ads online.

Question:What am I opening myself up to by taking her test? Is it worth getting her signature on the contract(should I be happy that I have the chance to get it signed this late?

[mightymoose]

It was a foolish agreement to begin with. Even if you had a contract signed you would still have legal and financial obligations to the child.

[jharris352]

I would totally agree with Moose, (though don't feel two badly, I was approached once and nearly agreed to it). The problem is that you NEED IT IN WRITING. You aren't opening yourself up to anything by doing the paternity test that she can't force you to do through the courts. You need to get an ATTORNEY to write that agreement for you and give her the DNA after she signs it.

Your instincts are probably dead on though she may have some other gentleman who is trying to claim the child and she wants to be able to prove he is NOT the Daddy without giving him ammunition to take the child. Good luck. Get the writing first!

[mightymoose]

Once you are established as the father you are on the hook for child support if she pursues it. My personal opinion is that you just avoid contact with her. If you are served papers then you can argue that she was an "escort" and is just fishing (so to speak). She won't be able to get much without your cooperation.
On the other hand, your cooperation could quickly rule you out and make everything go away.

[BayState]

Originally Posted by fried2styles666

Ok, I agreed to help a lesbian woman try and have a baby. We agreed that I would have no financial responsibility and she would raise the baby with her partner. We never got it in writing.

I have not been in contact with this women since she called to tell me the baby had been born. Now it is 6 months old. About 2 weeks ago she contacted me and is demanding I take a peternity test "so it is clear" who that father is. She is still saytiing that she doesn't want any money(which is impossible to believe). We agreed the test would not use my name or address. I resisted at first, but since she has agreed to sign a contract that puts our initial arrangement IN WRITING. She has threatened to go to Court and have them ORDER a paternity test unless I submit to hers.

Also: after a little digging, I found out that she has several "escort" ads online.

Question:What am I opening myself up to by taking her test? Is it worth getting her signature on the contract(should I be happy that I have the chance to get it signed this late?

I just want to clarify...Was your "donation" done..."in person" or through a sperm bank?

[jacksgal]

Excellent question Bay!! the answer will surely weigh into the answer

[Duranie]

This all should have been done through an attorney. There are ongoing issues right now in court where men are being sued for child support even though they claim they were just donating sperm. I would NOT consent to any paternity test. If another guy thinks he is the father, let him take one. you need to talk to an attorney, preferably one that does these surrogate/sperm donation requests.

[fried2styles666]

Yes, it was done "in person". We made the oral agreement and then did it. I got an attorney who drew up an agrrement and she has agreed to sign it. My attorney said that at least the contract may offer some defense, otherwise I'm in bad shape.

[fried2styles666]

Originally Posted by BayState

I just want to clarify...Was your "donation" done..."in person" or through a sperm bank?

It was done "in person". once.

My lawyer told me to go ahead and take the tesst since it's not admissable in court and that the contract could be useful if it comes to court.

[BayState]

Originally Posted by fried2styles666

Yes, it was done "in person". We made the oral agreement and then did it. I got an attorney who drew up an agrrement and she has agreed to sign it. My attorney said that at least the contract may offer some defense, otherwise I'm in bad shape.

Your "agreement" MIGHT be a mitigating factor, but it is doubtful if it will prevent you from being sued for support. That is why sperm donors should go through sperm banks.

[jharris352]

Again, I'm not sure she is after support. I think someone else is after custody of the child and she is trying to prove the child is yours and not his. She doesn't want to do a DNA with him because it would secure his position. Just a hunch but that's my guess.

[mightymoose]

*NARF*

Gee... I dunno about that. If she is an escort and has gone around propositioning guys this way, it seems unlikely that anyone would be trying for custody since not being involved was one of the "perks" of the deal.
i suspect she had the baby and is drowning in an economic crisis and needs financial help. Having a baby does kind of put a pinch on the income of an "escort".

[Cabaraoke]

First, understand this. Women who use Sperm Banks in England are now being allowed to file for child support in other countries against the donors. Britain order the records be opened up so that the children of these men can learn who their father is, but it has created this unexpected side affect. Worse, young boys who were molested by adult women, who than got pregnant, are also obligated to pay child support, even if the child was taken away from her and place in state care.
San Luis Obispo County v.
Nathaniel J., ___ Cal. App. 4th ___, 57 Cal. Rptr. 2d 843 (1996).
Editor's Note: Recent decisions from other states agree that the fact that the father was the victim.

Statutory rape does not provide a defense to child support. S.F. v. Alabama ex rel. T.M., 23 Fam. L. Rep. (BNA) 1082 (Ala. Civ. App. Nov. 22, 1996); State ex rel. Hermesmann v. Seyer, 252 Kan. 646, 847 P.2d 1273 (1993); Jevning v. Chicos, 499 N.W.2d 515 (Minn. 1993); Mercer County v. Alf M., 155 Misc. 2d 703, 589 N.Y.S.2d 288 (Fam. Ct. 1992).

Keeping that in mind, do you really think you have any possible protection?

You really need to check your hind end to see if and grass is growing there, because you gave her a brand new lawn mower.

You have ZERO defense to not paying child support, and she can wait up to when the child turns 23 (depending on the state she files in) to file for up to 18 years of retroactive child support, based solely on your income at the time.

Sorry, but you're in trouble, big time. You need to sit down and calculate how much in child support you should be paying, starting from the birth of the child, and putting it into a Trust Fund. Keep VERY DETAILED financial records for the next 18 years, and keep them in a safe deposit box. You could scan everything into PDF files and backed up online. If she doesn't do anything, in 23 years you'll have a great retirement fund set aside, but if she does, you'll not be wiped out.

In 1998, a San Diego Navy Commander contacted me about this happening to him. He had a girlfriend in college, but one day she quit school, moved and home to her parents, and never talked to him again. Sixteen years later, he's career Navy, married with four sons, a four bedroom house, college funds for the boys, and all the perks of a Ship Commander. One day all their the family's assets get frozen and he's served with an order for $85,000 in back child support. After confirming paternity, he appealed the award, only to lose. They attached and took everything that could be liquidated. His income was attached for 55% of gross to pay continuing support, plus on the remaining arrears. He had to move his family out of that big house into a two bedroom apartment on base. THAT'S YOUR POTENTIAL FUTURE!!!

For now, all you can do is prepare. Things are changing as regards Retroactive Child support. Judge David Grey Ross, Commissioner of the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement opposed this program and many judges are following suit, but don't expect that. The state gets 15% annually in matching fund for child support from the feds. By ordering more child support, they are able to claim more in these funds, plus the interest penalties they charge you, and in these economic times, they are likely to do just that.

Finally, if this happens, you will have NO LEGAL RIGHTS to the child until you can afford to petition the court for them. Child support and parental rights are completely separate legal issues. At Dads House, we teach fathers about this aspect. There zero cost to join and access any materials. Plus, you will associate with others dealing in the same thing.

[barbie77]

I didn't think they could do that. I thought child support is generally started from the time the woman files. Not just that but I wouldn't think he would have all his assets frozen when he hadn't even been proven as the father. And I didn't think they charged anyone for intrest on child support. this all sounds wack. sorry. So if it depends on what sate she files in as far as getting 18 years of retroactive child support what states would they be? I sure as HECK hope youre WAY wrong!! Thats just freakin outragious!

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by barbie77

I didn't think they could do that. I thought child support is generally started from the time the woman files. Not just that but I wouldn't think he would have all his assets frozen when he hadn't even been proven as the father. And I didn't think they charged anyone for intrest on child support. this all sounds wack. sorry. So if it depends on what sate she files in as far as getting 18 years of retroactive child support what states would they be? I sure as HECK hope youre WAY wrong!! Thats just freakin outragious!

Barbie hon, please bear in mind that UK law is quite different from US law ...and that certain conditions must be met before a UK support order will be enforced in the US...and that Cabaraoke has a very specific agenda that doesn't actually help all that many posters here

I am yet to see ONE case - EVER - where a court has ordered child support to be retroactive 18 years. In fact, the number of cases where child support is ordered retroactive to birth (even, for example, with a 3 year old) is incredibly low. It IS - as a rule, and in every single state - retroactive only to the date that Mom files. There are exceptions of course, but they are NOT common.

It just doesn't happen that often.

And for what it's worth...I'm British, and what Cabaraoke has said here is NOT accurate according to UK law.