Child support: my rights, what's likely, the procedure

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sevengrain

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I have to appear in court on Friday and I am very afraid that I will be blindsided by the process. I have specific questions about child support :

Some background:
My husband moved out of my apartment in March this year, after he told me that he had been having anonymous unprotected sex with people he met online for the past several years of our marriage. I also found out that as a teenager, he molested his 5-year old sister, and he has told me that he "couldn't help himself" while engaging in his addictive and dangerous sexual behavior. I had to protect myself, so I asked him to leave, which he did.

We have a 1-year old son who has only lived with me. There is a pending divorce action in supreme court. We have appeared once and were appointed three sessions with a court mediator to discuss custody issues. I felt these sessions were ineffective. We did not discuss support in these sessions.

Right now, here's where we stand in terms of support:

He is only paying pittance for child support since August, and only gives me a $95 check weekly (which is %17 of his weekly pay), with no contribution to child care which is $600/week (it's Manhattan, and there are no cheaper/better alternatives). We are both students, making the same stipend amount (about 30k each). I have taken out enormous student loans just to make sure that I still have child care and can stay in medical school.

At the last court appearance, the judge told my husband's lawyer that my husband "better start paying child support". I suppose he feels that the 17% of his weekly pay is enough. He told me he does not owe me anything and will not pay for childcare, because he would rather have custody of my son and put him in child care near him, which is an hour away from where I live. He is trying to use financial pressure to get me to fire the nanny or to give my son to him.

What is my lawyer's best strategy for getting these points across to the judge and walking out of court on Friday with an enforceable order of support?

My lawyer seems nonchalant and says that I probably will not be able to walk out with an order. Last time, I didn't even see the judge and only counsel were taken into the judge's chamber. I need to make sure that he will fight for me, and I'd like to give him a script for talking to the judge.

What is the best instruction I can give to my lawyer? I need him to be aggressive and fight, and I can't change lawyers at this point. I don't have the money.

Is it wise to file for a temporary order of support, which I understand must be ruled upon that day? Is this correct? Can I do this with only two days left?

My lawyer says that it is not important to go to court this Friday with receipts and documents in hand to show that I have been the only provider of diapers, food, health insurance, etc. for my son since he was born. Everyone else says to be prepared with this information, even though it is not a trial. What should I do? Can my lawyer say, "we have evidence here that shows my client's sole financial contribution to the care of the child?" Is this appropriate and can I have him say that?

I go to court on this coming Friday, and I am worried that my lawyer has not played this right. Please help!

Thanks!
 
Do you actually have a nanny making 30k a year?? Even for Manhattan 600/week is totally unreasonable for daycare especially if you have a nanny. Is it normal for couples to spend this much on daycare? I do not see how you or Dad can be able to afford to pay this astromical rate for babysitting and a judge is likely not going to order him fork over 75% of his pay for CS and daycare. Find cheaper babysitting. I have to agree though that if you are paying a fortune for a nanny which neither you or Dad can afford, then maybe it makes sense to ask Dad to watch the child or take the child to a facility near him if it is cheaper.

I doubt any court is goint to make Dad pay you $1200/month for his half of a nanny, that is almost all of dad's salary. Start looking for something else.
 
Yes, it is that expensive

I appreciate your thoughts, but do you live in Manhattan? Ask any one who does.

600/week for childcare in Manhattan is on the cheap end for 50 hours/week. She makes $12/hour. Even the day care near me, with fewer hours and over a year-long waitlist, is $2100/month for toddlers. What am I supposed to do for that year? Most nannies here make 700-800/week.

All of my med school classmates in Manhattan with babies have nannies. I understand this sounds astronomical, but it would work if we were still married. Half of a family's in come going to child care is standard in NYC. I never expected this to happen, and the decision to have a child was made because I thought I would still be married. Right now, my alternatives are to drop out of med school or get loans to make sure that all my expenses are covered (would still be the case even if I got into the slightly cheaper daycare here).

And no, having Dad take care of him for more time would not decrease the total childcare expenses, because he is in grad school, too. He would also need childcare coverage.

In any case, I am not even demanding that he pay half. He is not even paying half of what it *would be* for daycare near him. He is simply not contributing to childcare expenses. He is trying to make me drop out of school and fire the nanny by not paying, and it would have worked had I not anticipated that he'd do this. Fortunately, my school is entirely supportive of me, but I won't make it to the end of the school year if he doesn't pay at least $200/week.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how my lawyer can argue for support, any support? I would really, really appreciate it!
 
I will grant you that $600 a week sound astronomical to anyone who has not lived in Manhattan. I will also support you in telling everyone that it is par for the course there. It's ok, they aren't use to paying $800 a month to park their car at HOME either! I had an apartment in Battery Park and that is what I paid to park in the parking garage across the street. So I hear you.

What I can't wrap my mind around is that you are asking a free legal board for advice to give to your paid attorney so that he will have a script to talk to the Judge with. Realize I was an attorney so I am just trying to imagine having my client give me a script and try to run the case.

Please understand I'm not against you being active in your case, and I don't think you should just follow blindly. I know you are bright, med students don't come in any other flavor (not if they last), but are you sure you are not just trying to control the process instead of trusting the person you hired?

Law isn't an armchair subject. Can you imagine being a doctor and having your patient come to you with a diagnosis and treatment plan they found on a free chat room online? No attorney I have ever met would agree to represent you in that manner.

Bring your evidence. If you need it you need it, if you don't no harm no foul. Tell your attorney you EXPECT an interim child support order not some excuse why he can't get one. Make it clear what you are looking for and that you expect him to make a good effort at it.

Then (and I mean this politely) get out of his way and let him do his job. If he doesn't, can him and get another one.

I truly hope you get what you need. I'm not against you at all. Do you get where I'm coming from?
 
I know how expensive Manhattan is I'm actually visiting there in 2 weeks. But you do not get to live in Manhattan if you cannot afford it. My friend is a single mom who lives in Westchester because she cannot afford Manhattan. She would love to live in Manhattan but cannot afford it. The court is going to ask you to lower your standard of living. If Dad makes 400 a week a court is probably not going to make him pay 200/week or more. you need to go outside of Manhattan for an affordable standard of living. you both created a child and IMO you have to work a full time job now that you had a baby. You will go broke living in Manhattan and paying for nanny. Although Dad lives an hour away I'll bet that child care is cheaper where Dad lives given it is not Manhattan right? Be realisitc in your expectations. If you insist on living in one of the most expensive parts of the US and paying for child care in it, you might get stuck footing the bill.
 
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Thanks, jharis!

jharis352, thank you so much! I stand corrected. "Scripted" is not right. I was thinking more of talking points that I could give him to make sure he understood what is important to me, so that he could accurately represent my interests.

I wasn't sure if insisting that I EXPECT an interim order was something reasonable to do, so thanks for giving your thoughts on that. I really appreciate it! I don't know how to judge lawyers at all, and I had some bad feelings about what mine was telling me. He was recommended by the NY bar assoc, so I went on that!

Duranie, though you may mean well in your own way, your posts have been quite judgmental, without addressing my concerns.

I have considered so many alternatives. My classmates (most of whom have NO income and ONLY loans) and I do just fine in Manhattan, even those with babies. We enjoy $600/month rent for a 1BR, which is a fraction of Westchester. Thousands of students live in Manhattan. In addition, my husband makes close to $600 a week and does not pay taxes (illegally, of course). He also pays similarly low rent. Will it be tough for him? Not to pay more than he is! But I think it is interesting that you focus only on telling me to change my life (without knowing the details) and not a WORD on the fact my husband should be paying more than he is, forget 50/50 even! And whether I get a job or not, the fact would remain that I am supporting our child!

You have told me where to live ("You do not get to live in Manhattan...") and you have told me to drop out of school ("You have to work a full time job now that you have a baby..."). Is that what you would recommend to all the med students of America? Do you realize that med students have babies all the time and do just fine? Some med schools even encourage it! By the way, I am toughing it out through the last 18 months of med school just so I can double my potential income, not have to depend on child support at all to give my son a decent life, and not have to depend on free legal advice from a forum to keep me from freaking out about an impending court appearance. Thanks for your thoughts.
 
I'm glad you thought I was helpful. I was afraid you might think I was being judgmental. I want to re-emphasize two points and explain just a bit.

First, Evidence. Lawyers bring evidence in banker boxes and usually on a wheeled luggage rack. The reason? When you need it you need it, and you don't get a chance to go get it. Good lawyers bring a client's entire file to court. It's a bit cumbersome but you have it. Great lawyers have that file organized so well they can find a single piece of paper they haven't seen since day one WHILE they are standing to object! Lesson? Bring your evidence, every shred, every time. I know that may be a little overkill but when you need something obscure and didn't anticipate it, you will be glad you did.

Interim order. You can demand whatever you want of your attorney, he may or may not be able to deliver. Child support orders are pretty easy to get out of a judge because the judge realizes that the child has to eat and isn't going to wait for a trial calender. A judge will usually grant an interim order in the best interests of the child. Letting the lawyer know you EXPECT one puts them on the spot.

A great lawyer wouldn't have to be told, but clear communication is vital. Your attorney needs to know that this isn't optional for you. You NEED it, and he needs to communicate to the judge that you NEED it. As you might imagine a Judge is fairly sensitive to the needs of a child in a divorce case, moreso than the needs of the parents. So if he is going to err it is usually in awarding too much child support.

I have to agree with Duraine though, a Judge is unlikely to take half his income in a preliminary hearing. Bring proof of your expenses, bring proof of what he has contributed, bring proof of your income and his if you have it. I suspect that you two have other sources of income/savings bring proof of that too. (I simply don't believe you live in Manhattan on 30k a year! No offense, you know what I mean). If I remember correctly my 1 bedroom apartment in Battery Park on the 42nd floor was $4500 a month 920sq ft and they wanted $800 a month for the parking across the street. (I arranged for parking in NJ when I needed it and said screw the spot!).

Be firm with your attorney concerning your NEEDS. Let him worry about the particulars of how to get those needs accomplished. Tell him ahead of time what your expectations are so that he can help shape your expectations BEFORE the hearing if they are out of line. An interim child support/custody order is NOT out of line though. Judges want them to protect the children.

Good luck, after all your hard work, lets hope Obama doesn't shoot your career in the foot with this medical overhaul. (No, I don't want to argue with anyone about that!!!!) :)
 
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