Revised Visitation and Support

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aeast0108

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My ex wife and I have 2 children together. I have physical custody of them, but custody is joint. She was ordered by the court to pay half of childcare as her support. Over a year ago she moved to another state about 20 hours away. When she moved we had to file a new schedule for her visits. She wrote the document herself and included in it that if she did not pay her support her visitation would be suspended until it was paid up to date. Knowing she has never paid me a penny in the 3 years we have been divorced, she will not keep a job, and has little emotional connection with our kids I agreed to this. She and I both signed the document in front of a notary, and she herself had it filed by the court. Since her move she has been employed on several occassions but has never made her support payments even once. I allowed her to have one visit without paying and then had paperwork filed stating the suspension. She is now with her family that does not understand why she cannot see her children so she has decided to fight this order. She has told me that the order is unfair and will not hold up in court. I do not know much about these things but am pretty sure she cannot fight something she agreed to, signed, and filed with the court. Can she fight this or am I in the right?
 
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You are not right. Support and visitation are entirely separate and she should not be blocked from visitation the child. I am surprised a judge actually signed off on something like this as most judges do not like "visitations for $$" type of arrangements. You are using your kids as a pawn. You need to make sure an actual order of support is open with the bureau, if not she does not technically owe you anything. If she brings you to court because you will not allow her visits that could really backfire on you. Be the bigger person and for the kids sake, allow visits. File an actual order of support so the courts can go after her if she does not pay.
 
I do very much appriciate your help and will not continue with a suspension but please understand that puts me in another problem. Until she was with her family she had not even asked for a visit even though I had offered to let her see them because she is their mother. She has never ask how they are doing. She has never ask for a picture. If she does call, which is rare, she spends about 30 seconds talking to them and hangs up. When she was living here, she had my kids in an unsafe situation every time she saw them. Even then I went above and beyond to try and allow her to be as much a part of their lives as she safely could. Where ever it is she is living now, she will not even give me her address. She has had drug problems and has lost another child to foster care in another state. My children have no desire to see her and have said so but are too young for the courts to recognise this. I have had to call DFS many times, but she always seems to get away with it somehow. I am NOT using my children as pawns. I love them enough to know they are not happy, taken care of or loved with her. I am just trying to ensure she cannot hurt them anymore since the system is so in favor of the mother especially in my state. As their father I have to protect my children. And please remember SHE came up with the agreement in the first place. Do not insult my parenting when I am the only parent who has ever participated in their lives in a healthy supportive way. Thank you for the advice on filing an order, but I have already done this and was told that our state is so behind on support orders it is undeterminable when I can be helped. I have even looked into terminating her rights, but she seems to call just enough to prevent this. I have raised them by myself since even before our divorce and am needing some light at the end of the tunnel, is their anything else I can do since the order we signed is not valid, I am concerned with their safety in her care, and I cannot get enforcement as of now?
 
so please clarify, you have no official court order for support or visitations right? If you don't you can certainly call the shots and tell mom she gets supervised visits only. as far as the support backlog, you might as well start it. she eventually will go into arrears then she has to deal with the legal system for not paying support. How old are your kids? As far as kids "having no desire to see her" that only happens if one parent discourages contact. Young children usually want to see their parents, no matter how bad of a parent they may be. The courts will require you to co-parent and encourage some sort of contact. It is up to mom if she wants to dig her own hole. You cannot force her to be an active, good parent.
 
We do have visitation and support stated in our original divorce decree. It states joint legal custody, myself having physical and my ex having every other weekend. As far as support it says no monthy support other than half of the weekly childcare cost, half of medical expenses, and half of school expenses. I was told by my lawyer at the time that was my support order. I do not speak negativly about my ex in front of my kids. If anything I try my best to cover her faults and her lies for them. They first said they did not want to see her after their summer visit with her in 2008. She had already moved out of state and had them for 1 month. Upon picking them up they told me many disturbing stories about their time there and told me they liked to be home (mine and my wife's house), "we don't want to go there anymore." They are 5 and 3. I have no way of knowing exactly what was so bad about being there because at their age the stories are a little hard to understand. What do I do now about visitation since she cannot have every other weekend when she cannot be found, I have no address to send a new schedule to and she will not have a conversation with me about the subject? And will my divorce decree work as a support order as I was told? I just want to be sure my bases are covered and I am doing everything right by legal standards. My ex is very vindictive and I am so afraid she will find something to use against me somewhere down the line. Like I said I don't know much about these things and I just want to do it right.
 
You need to make sure there is an open support order. It does not sound like there is but if she cannot be located, it is going to be hard. As soon as you get an address for her, you should go to your states child support website and file. The kids are 5 and 3 and therefore way too young to decide they do not want to see mom but if mom does make contact with you, I would allow visits in your home only.
 
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