Too early to introduce a boyfriend to the kids?

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LivininOR

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I posted this under a different heading yesterday, sorry for the repost, but I'm contacting an attorney today, and would like some advice on what I should get into.

...She told me she was going to leave the day before my children (daughter 9 and son 12) and I were leaving for a trip to visit family, which she decided not to go on because she had to fill in for someone at work. She told me on that day that she was targeting August 1 for a move out, then we would file for an amicable divorce. I was fine with it, since we've had our differences. I told her I wouldn't try to stop her. I told her this is as good a time as any, since we weren't fighting horribly at the time and neither of us was involved in an outside relationship.

When the kids and I returned on July 22, we found her gone, no note, she didn't answer her cell phone that night, so we went to bed. The next morning, she called and said "I guess you know I moved out". I said "yes, I could tell". She came and picked up the kids that morning, and two days later when she dropped them off we agreed we would exchange them every two days and that their safety, happiness and security was paramount.

After a couple days I looked at our cell phone bill and discovered one number being communicated with very often and for extended periods of time beginning in mid-june. Turns out it is her personal trainer, who is separated from his wife, and who apparently isn't able to see his kids (for a reason I'm not aware). She told me that he's a devout Christian and so they aren't involved romantically (I'm not inclined to believe that).

Anyway, we have talked about this fellow and she seems to think it's love and she's happy with him. That hurts, of course, but there's not much I can do about it.

OK, last week after my kids were dropped off, I noticed my daughter was upset. I asked her how she was handling the separation and she said she's sad..."I'm kind of mad at mommy". I told her "that's understandable, but what's making you mad"? That sunday, my wife had taken her to my wife's grandmother's 95th birthday and my daughter explained that the personal trainer had gone with them and that they all three stayed in a hotel room! Him in one bed my wife and daughter in the other. My daughter had told her mother that she felt uncomfortable with that, but my wife responded that he's just a friend and he was just there to keep them company.

I had to take a day to cool down before confronting her on that, but when I did, she said it was no big deal. I said it was for our daughter, and because of that, it is for me. I told her absolutely no trips with him and either or both of our kids. She reluctantly agreed. I have since found out that he's visiting at her new home nearly every time they're with her. As far as I know, he doesn't stay the night, but I think both of these situations are inappropriate. I know that the kids are both uncomfortable with him being around so soon after her leaving and that she's not respecting their feelings.

I don't know this guy, I know he can't see his kids, so my kids safety is of concern, I believe.

I realize that I'm in a no fault state (OR), but I'm curious to find out if there are any restrictions that I can place on this situation, either now or in the future or both.
 
You may not be able to do anything but you can try. It was bad judgement of mom to allow this man to share a hotel room since he is a virtual stranger to the kids. You can try putting in your court seperation paperwork that neither of you are to have overnight guests by unrelated people. Unless you can prove this guy is a threat to the kids it is unlikely you can prevent contact with the kids.
 
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