sole custody?/ last name?

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mommy31

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i have a 7 yr old daughter and am conimplating the idea of sole legal custody.

her father is a casual father which means he is to take her every other weekend which use to mean fri-sunday but now down to saturday whenever he calls for her tosunday til 5 but changes if he has plans. which as it happens if he has something to do ..i.e. drink party or the bar or just doesnt feel like it. he will not see her at all and tell her he is sick.. he drinks while she his there bcause in his words he cant "handle it". he will go weeks months without seeing or so much as to give her a call to say hi. as of right now he is working on 2 months without seeing her...he pays child support. .

i would like to have sole custody so that i can make the major desicions in her life without him jumping in and pretending to be a father..just to spite me. if i choose to move i dnt want to have to ask permission from someone who only cares when he feels like it....idealy i would like to have my husband adopt her but her father willl not give up his rights.(he is in the process of trying to do so with our son).


my question is what are my chances of achiving sole custody? ...


oh one quick question. Do i have to have my ex's permission in anyway to change my daughters last name? ..her last name is my maiden name but i would like to change it to my married name..can i do that without having my husband adopt her?
 
Were you married? If not, is he the legal father (DNA, AOP)?
Are there any court orders?

If you were not married, you already have sole custody unless the court has said otherwise (ie, joint legal and/or physical). I'm not sure about the name thing, might depend on if dad is the legal dad, in which case you'd need his permission. You'd also need to notify/get his permission to move, depending on your state laws or any custody orders you have.

Who is trying to give up whose rights to whose son??
 
Sole custody would still give the father some rights. He still would likely get unsupervised visits and he still can prevent you from moving far, if you choose to do so.

You cannot change the childs last name without his permission.
 
Were you married? If not, is he the legal father (DNA, AOP)?
Are there any court orders?

If you were not married, you already have sole custody unless the court has said otherwise (ie, joint legal and/or physical). I'm not sure about the name thing, might depend on if dad is the legal dad, in which case you'd need his permission. You'd also need to notify/get his permission to move, depending on your state laws or any custody orders you have.

Who is trying to give up whose rights to whose son??
ohio granny ..no my ex and i were never married he is the father to both my 7 yr old daughter ands 14 month old son which he is trying to terminate his rights to. the only order we have is a stipulation that child support made for us that i have physical placemaent of the children and he has visitation reasonable time upon rerasonable notice and we make any kind of major desicions together that invole our children..he is legal father and found so by paternity. see in the sate of wisconsin you have to have a written 60 day notice to other parent to move 150 miles or more to have child out of state for more than 90 consecutive days. so if i would go for sole custody its pretty much like having what i have now? i would still have to run major desicions by him??
 
I dont see how sole would be much different. Also he cannot terminate his rights for the boy unless there is an adoption, and you consent, and you file the motion, not him. He will not get anywhere with that.
 
and we make any kind of major desicions together that invole our children... see in the sate of wisconsin you have to have a written 60 day notice to other parent to move 150 miles or more to have child out of state for more than 90 consecutive days. so if i would go for sole custody its pretty much like having what i have now? i would still have to run major desicions by him??

You have answered your own question. If you make major decisions together, then yes, you still have to run major decisions by him. Where the children live is a biggie. It sounds like you have joint legal custody now. I don't see any benefit to you having sole legal, because I think you'd still have to go by the state statute that you mentioned about moving. I'm not sure you have grounds for sole anyway, unless he is convicted of a DUI or something. He doesn't have to exercise his visitation rights, and you have no set schedule. Document the times he has his kids.

Not only can he not terminate his rights, he can't do it for only one child. I don't understand that one. He would give up his rights to his son, but not his daughter? And you initially saying you only have a daughter? Any court orders pertain to both of your children.
 
She has another thread with a little more explanation regarding the TPR:

Originally Posted by mommy_3
hi im new to the forum: I live in wisconsin, i have two children a 7 yr old and 14 month old.

the father of my children has exspressed that he did not want my youngest from the begining(unplanned). but had mixed feelings..so anyway now we are down to he wants nothing to do with him(youngest) and he would like to relinquish his rights to my son but not to my oldest. i will be married on the 31st of this months so my husband would adopt him.. i have the paper work to fill out...now this is not something i would like to do but i feel it is best for my son..not so sure about my daughter.. in the papers its states that the relinquishing partent needs to take in consideration of the following: whether the child has substantional relationships with the parent or other family members and whether it would be harmful to the child to sever these relationships. i know that he wants nothing to do with him but his sister and mother do.....

my question is will they let him relinquish his rights to just one child and not the other? will they consider my daughter in this because her father sure hasnt..( i have physical placement of both children)
 
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You have answered your own question. If you make major decisions together, then yes, you still have to run major decisions by him. Where the children live is a biggie. It sounds like you have joint legal custody now. I don't see any benefit to you having sole legal, because I think you'd still have to go by the state statute that you mentioned about moving. I'm not sure you have grounds for sole anyway, unless he is convicted of a DUI or something. He doesn't have to exercise his visitation rights, and you have no set schedule. Document the times he has his kids.

Not only can he not terminate his rights, he can't do it for only one child. I don't understand that one. He would give up his rights to his son, but not his daughter? And you initially saying you only have a daughter? Any court orders pertain to both of your children.
i guess the only reason i was looking for sole custody..was because of the fact he wants to terminate rights on our son and not our daughter...its a good question you ask about why only our son..he never has gone into great detail about only that he never wanted him and never will...i told him if he wanted to terminate on our sone he would have to do for our daughter as well..he said he wouldn't,, i would have my husband to adopt them but our wedding is on the 31st of this month and what i have been reading they want you to be married for at least a year...i dnt understand it all..but the thank you and duraine for answering my questions..
 
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