50/50 issue, SC and status quo- New York

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nyrnwriter

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What is the name of your state? NY
I could use some help- my ex has had residential custody of our son, who is now almost 17, for the last 10 years, with us having joint legal custody. My original visitation was friday- sunday evening and 3 hours every wednesday with alternating holidays and school breaks and 1/2 the summer. We live about 1/2 mile from each other but in separate school districts with me paying child support .
Over the last few years, my ex has allowed more and more visitation time because he went away on business trips etc and needed me to watch our son which I gladly took. Since the beginning of june last year, my son has been with me more than 99% of the time with his father having no objection. My son likes living with me because he is close with his stepsister who lives with us and knows that someone will be around all the time. He has been having some problems with school and his grades stink. He enrolled in a technical course for auto repair which he is doing well with- it his regular subjects like math, etc that he is failing. I have tried grounding him, talking to his counselors etc and he does better but then slips back into bad grade mode. He is a good kid, just not book smart. He had not even talked to our son for the last 2 months and would not have if I had not called him to find out why he did not tell me my son had cut class and earned a detention which he knew about and did not tell me about. He also received a letter from his tech class which stated he was having issues with attendance and sent it to me with "handle this" in big red letters to me. It seems the guidance counselor at his shcool forgot to let them know about midterms and had marked him absent which was immedately cleared up.
My son does not want to go back to his father's because he is never there, constantly fights with him (the police were called the last time) and he feels that his father could not care less for him- he recently had to go to a cardiologist when his doctor thought he might have someithing wrong and I called my ex to let him know and he told me to make the appointment. I did and thank goodness nothing was wrong but he never even asked about what had happened. The kid was scared and it hurt him that his father did not go to the doctor with us or even call him afterwards.
Since he has been with me for than 8 months continually, I still paid the support to my ex. My husband lost his job and is in an arbitration to get it back but I have had to support my son, stepdaughter, husband and myself on one salary.
Last night I called my ex about the school stuff and he began telling me that I should ground him and take everything away becuase of his grades and then said our son was a "failure, lier and going nowhere" and I lost it. I asked why he had not called our son in two months if he was so concerned and why he let him stay with me since last june if he was so concerned. I then said that since he was with me, I thought it was time to stop the support so that I could use the money to get him tutors or whatever he needed such as clothes,etc. I went into debt, had to take out a second mortgage to pay some of our bills and fell behind on my real estate taxes during this time. He adamately refused to give any support money back to me, and said he did not think it was in our son's best interest to live with me "permanently"- which is what he has been doing since june with no concerns from my ex.
Should I petition for elimination of the child support and leave the custody issue alone since we have joint legal custody? Getting residential custody is no big deal here since either school district is fine. What constitutes 50/50 so that CS can be eliminated and I can finally pay some of the bills and get my son tutors he needs? all of a sudden when I broached this with my ex, he said that my son should come back to his house but has not yet called to come pick him up (motivating factor seems to be the possible loss of child support). Even if he goes back to his dad's we have a vistation schedule that is now fri-monday morning and then wednesday until thrusday- meaning his father only has him )technically) monday-tues-thursday.
Can anyone tell me what they would do in this situation? I am a bit lost and you can obviously tell I can not afford an attorney**************....
 
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