Reducing Back Child Support

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Slingblade

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Hello,

I need some help with a back child support situation, and a modification of current payment requirements. I was divorced in 1998 and at the time was working as a steamfitter/pipe-fitter in Concord Ca. I was working 10-12 hours a day, 6 or 7 days a week for 4 years prior to my divorce and made approx 98k a year for those years. There was a lot of work in the Bay Area oil refineries at the time and I worked way too many hours during those years approx. 3700-3800 hours a year, almost double of a 40 hour work week per year. We had bought a new house in 1995 for 256k and had a sizable mortgage(2400 a month) and the kids were in private schools. My ex-wife did not work, but was a registered dental assistant who had a very good job prior to the kids being born and the kids were still young then(7 and 6). I didn't have much money for myself for proper legal consul during the divorce and eventually used all the money I had at the time($5000+) for divorce attorneys and eventually ran out of money because of her stalling the proceedings for over a year. Eventually I had to go into court representing myself and I was not as good as or prepared as her and her attorney(she received money from her father and was unlimited as to cost in the divorce). Due to all the stress, hassle and lack of funds I eventually gave up trying to get what I thought was fair in the proceedings, I was completely drained and on the verge of a breakdown. As result I ended up giving her the house(which I made all the payments on and was bought for 256K and she sold in 2004 for 700K+, not that that has any bearing on anything but still bugs the heck out of me), all the contents and the family vehicle(I kept a small pick up truck) and was set with a $2900 a month family support payment for her and my 2 children. She was entitled to family support(alimony and child support combined) seeing that she hadn't worked in a few years and was a stay at mom. I did not insist on her going back to work at the time, seeing the kids were so young and I believed they would be better off with their mom at home. The support was based on a computer generated program that was based on my past 3 years income that never took into account that I was working double normal hours during those years, it just went by bottom line income for the years. That would be a very good income if I was salaried and had normal benefits, but working in the construction industry as a union steamfitter I am paid only by the hour, on hours worked--ONLY. I have no paid personal days, no paid sick days, no paid holidays and no paid vacation, if I don't work, I don't get paid. I was told that's what I was capable of making that per year and that's all that could be done, I was told I had to maintain that income or fall behind. Needless to say being in the industrial construction industry times are not always as good and work eventually slowed down. I was still getting 40 hours a week in 1998 when the divorce was final and had a job but almost immediately was falling behind on child support while still working full time, because I was working and making half as much as in the past(still a normal work week for most, 40 hours).

In the divorce settlement I opted to have the DA involved from the very beginning and collect from my wages for support right off the bat. This was a mutual idea and had her attorney set it up, I was never ordered to pay support prior to this, I just deposited $400-$500 a week in a joint account we still maintained, depending on how many hours and overtime I had on any given week. She was never in need of money for food, bills and household expenses. Setting it up with the DA just seemed like an easier way paying the family support instead of keeping track myself.

I thought in my mind it was best for the kids to just leave it alone and allow her to go to college to get a degree. This way the kids would have their house and all their needs taken care of and their mother could go to school get a degree and get a better job eventually(she was still a registered dental assistant, she kept her quals up on this through out). In 2002 she did graduate from college and got a job with the FDA(Food and Drug Administration) as a microbiologist(shes very intelligent and is a member of MENSA so she knows how to manipulate the system, somehow always makes me look like the bad guy). In that year we did go back to court and had the support reduced to $1400 a month child support(no alimony) only, with $100 towards arrears, which was approaching 25k at this time, so $1500 total for the 2 kids. This was a figure she came up with and we did this without attorneys or any Dissomaster program and at the time I was making about $60K, looking back I still think that is too much and that's why she didn't want the court involved, but heck it was way less then what it was, so I agreed and signed it. I was still behind in payments and the DA was still garnishing my wages and took half of my take home pay(they have taken half my take home pay from the first month of the final divorce in 1998 till this very day). I was way behind, but they(DAs office) never had issue with me or came after me, because she had told them it was OK and wasn't worried about it, so it just continued to add up. Due to the nature of my work we agreed it would be senseless to go back and forth to court and file adjustments every month, seeing that my pay varies greatly from month to month. There are periods of unemployment and then 4 months of 7-12s(7 days a week, 12 hours a day) so going to court 6 or 7 times a year to get adjustments didn't seem like a good idea. Of course seeing how the arrears were adding up and I was working full time with moderate overtime I should have insisted on it. There was no way to ever maintain the "Career" income years I had from 92'-96'. Work was "booming" so I took all the overtime I could handle while it was there. I made more money then I had in my entire life combined previous to those 4 years and was banking on my future. It was way too many hours to work but it allowed me to have my wife quit work and stay home with our 2 new children.

In 2003 work slowed way down and I was not getting the hours I did in the past and was falling further behind, she said at some point we would go back to court and get the arrears adjusted so I just let it go and it added up. At the end of 2003 I lost my job completely, partly by fault of my own with a DUI and my drivers license was revoked. The job I have requires you to work at different job site almost every week and there is no dependable public transportation to get to so many different site at any given time and the people you work with change everyday, so ride sharing was impossible, a car and a license are needed for that. I know that may play a factor in a judge decision but its information for you.

By May of 2004 my original unemployment claim ran out I was completely broke and couldn't afford the rent on my apartment and was evicted and lost all my belonging. Not being originally from Ca. I had few friends and absolutely no relatives to fall back on and was completely homeless with only 2 suitcases and the cloths on my back. All my possessions were stuck in the apartment and were confiscated due to back rent. I was on food stamps and my next unemployment claim wouldn't be open till the end of June, a check that was also garnished so I didn't have enough to rent anywhere, and credit rating that was now completely shot. I lived on the street and in shelters. I was always ashamed to ask for help from anyone at all or even my parents who are on a fixed income and have basically no savings, which in no way would I ask for anyway. The child support still set at $1500 a month continued to add up. By Dec. of 2004 the final unemployment claim was about to run out and I had no choice but to call my parents and move back to NY and in with them.[For those of you who are thinking I should just get another job in another field, that was not an easy option, considering I would have to make at least $20 an hour, taking into account the half my pay check garnishment on a 40 hour week just to bring home what I was getting on unemployment and that's below poverty level, not to mention I have no idea where you could find a $20 an hour job that I could just walk into with no skills or training and is close to home, which I don't even have.] I had lived in Ca. since 1983 and was married in 1985, so going back to NY was very hard, but unemployment was about to run out and I couldn't live at all, I was literally starving most the time as it was and lost over 40lbs.

For most of 2004 I was homeless and made only unemployment less then $20k for the entire year, yet child support was adding up at $1500 a month, which equals $18,000, almost more than I even made. In 2005 I worked for 2 companies in NY and made $9000 for the year and in 2006 I made just over $20k for the year. working full time. I work the same type of job here in NY that I did in Ca. but the rate of pay for the same job here in upstate NY is about 3 times less then it is in the San Francisco Bay Area in Ca. So far in 2007 have have made $15,700 YTD, which will work out to about $25k by years end. As it stands right now Contra Costa County in Ca. garnishes my check here in NY and I get about $250 a week to live on or $1000 a month, there is absolutely no way to live on that and the only way I do is because I live with my parents while she lives in a $750,000 4 bedroom house, has a great job and has more money then she knows what to do with and the worst part is I AM STILL FALLING BEHIND. Currently my back child support is $67,388 and adding up. I will have to give her half of my take home pay to her for the rest of my life and still owe when I die. In my mind I don't see how half of my paycheck is right let alone till I die. Keep in mind I have been paying half my paycheck since day 1 of the divorce and have never had an "even" balance. That in its self seems wrong considering I never missed any work at all the first 4 years after the final divorce in 1998 and worked full time with moderate overtime periods through out. Adding up all the hours I have worked in the last 9 years it adds up to over 12 years of normal 40 hour week work, even with the extended periods of unemployment, yet I am still in the arrears for close to $70,000.
 
back child support cont.

I have always wanted whats best for my kids and they are absolutely the highest priority here, and I think I have allowed them to have the best of everything, a great house, private schools, all the food they want, perfect living conditions, and want for nothing. I have also had a good relationship with them, visitation and having them with me were never an issue. I could see them and get them anytime I wanted there was no structured visitation. My ex-wife and I have also had a good relationship, until now. As I think about it now she has always let this go because she would be the big winner in the end, and have control over everything and if she decides to just keep everything there is nothing I can do.

Recently we have been having problems(depression, suicidal and acting out) with are 15 year old daughter. She is in therapy and receiving counseling. We have been discussing having her move to NY with me and we both liked that idea, along with her therapist. All along my ex-wife has said we would get the back child support arrears reduced but have never got to that point. I decided now that My daughter would be living with me it would be a good time to get the arrears reduced and have the support stopped completely seeing that I would have one child and she would have one child, even though she makes more than me. Her idea was to keep the courts out if it and for her to just send me a couple hundred a month to help with my daughters food, all the while my bill still adds up with the DA in Ca at the rate of $1500 a month. I am now getting the idea she has no intention of ever reducing the back the child support, and all talks of my daughter coming to NY and living with me have stopped. She also said there would be no way to reduce the back child support because she still has over $40k worth of student loans to pay off, for her chemistry degree. The last conversation we had was she would just send my daughter to boarding school and that would cost me extra anyway so I should just leave well enough alone. I know I have been not very smart in addressing this sooner but I always thought she would do as she said, and for the last few weeks I have been constantly sick to my stomach with this situation and see no way to ever have a real life for myself, I am a complete shell of what I once was, 43 years old and living with my parents and can't even rent a place of my own, not to mention it will be like this until I can get some help with this situation otherwise I will be paying and unable to survive for the rest of my life. Its very sad when your 16 year old son makes more than you do waiting tables on his summer job, then I do, yet I still have to pay his mother way more then what is fair.

I know this is getting way longer then it should be and there are some details you don't need, but once I get started on this my blood starts to boil and I get very stressed out. I am now in the process of contacting lawyers to see if I have any options here and what I need to do to get this straightened out I just don't see anyway out of this and its killing me. Please don't judge me as a deadbeat dad because I am far from it. I know in 95%+ of child support situations its the mother or custodial parent who has trouble collecting support and tracking down the father/mother and getting him/her to take responsibility for their children. I have never once hidden, ran from, attempted to make cash money under the table or tried to get out of any responsibility for my kids. I have paid more then I even made many times and lived at a very low level myself, all the while they had a very good standard of living, along with my ex-wife who also enjoyed a good standard of living.

I am just now starting to try and get this taken care of, if anybody here knows of any steps I can take or who I might be able to contact, please let me know. I just found this site today and see a very long struggle ahead.
Thank You, RSH- Sling
 
This post is way too long. Please post an abbreviated version. all we want are the facts. Thanks
 
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