Pregnant in H.S. turned Married Career Woman yet Dead Beat Bio Father Has Control!!!

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AlaskaGirl

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Let me start from the very beginning:

In the beginning of my Junior Year in high school, I found out I was pregnant. It was FOR SURE my boyfriend's child. We struggled severely to stay together during the pregnancy. I instantly grew up, graduated early, started work, saved money, and [child's father] refused to, chose high school sports over employment, continued using drugs and alcohol, and so on. I had [my child] and due to my own childish thoughts that everything would "work itself out" thus, after the birth, [child's father] signed the Recognition of Parentage.

Due to the inability to get along with one another and [child's father]'s MOTHER'S -undiagnosed- mental instability, we separated. [Child's father] took ALL assets - material, monetary, you name it. I had myself, an empty bank account and my beautiful baby girl, which is all that mattered to me.

NOW, [my child] is 4 1/2 years old. Doing WONDERFULLY. I have been married for almost 1 1/2 years to [child's step-dad] who has raised [my child] since she was 2 years old. I have a steady job. [Child's step-dad] has a steady job, which provides health care for [my child]. We are residing in Juneau, Alaska. Life is great.

[Child's father], who is residing in Minnesota, where we grew up, has never paid a consistent child support payment and I have not pushed it because while I was attending college and working two jobs to pay for EXTREMELY expensive child care, I WAS receiving consistent child support totaling $46.01 once per month. Hardly worth the trouble. Since then, [child's father] has relocated approximately 10-15 times and The State Of Minnesota has "almost given up on trying to find him" according to our case worker.

So, I have two problems:

1.) [my child] is starting school. I would like her to have mine, and my husband's last name. [Child's father] is still on her birth certificate and sees her a maximum of once a year if I pay for the plane tickets to get her and I go THERE to drop her off, and pick her up. HOWEVER, [child's father] thinks I am being ridiculous because her having his last name is "all he has" and a "pride thing." I think it is a CONTROL THING and after raising her and financially supporting her with no help from him, I should have every right to change her last name to match mine. But I'm stuck, at 17 years old, signing the birth certificate, I though [child's father] and I would "be together forever" which is why I gave her his last name. Now, I have heard numerous stories about how -if the father doesn't pay child support or is behind in his payments, he has no parental rights- but yet every document I find requires a signature from both parents. So, what's the real deal with name changes?

2.) [Child's father]'s mother is REALLY mentally unstable. [Child's father] will even attest to this. HOWEVER, he always falls back under her wing - not being able to make his car payment, needing gas money, driving him around because he got a DWI, you get the idea. My BIGGEST fear, knock on wood, is that something will happen to me and instead of [child's step-father] getting custody as he rightfully should, [child's father] will get [my child] and after the fun of fathering wears off, she will be sent to live under the supervision of her grandmother. Ideally, my husband and I would like him to adopt [my child], and I think he should be able to, as he is fully supporting her, but I know that this is not how it works and have learned to accept it. I am not ready to give up though. Can I force [child's father] to surrender his parental rights completely? Can I bribe him and trade his parental rights for a guarantee that he will never have to pay child support again? (To this child anyway - he has one more he just found out about that is 15 months old.) What options do I have so that I may have some peace of mind in knowing that [my child] will be in good hands if something terrible should happen?

I have encouraged him numerous times to maintain contact with [my child] and my husband is very supportive of [child's father] and [my child]'s relationship. However, [child's father] doesn't seem to care. He drifts in and drifts out just as fast without concern as to what this may be doing to [my child]. He DOES like that is name is on the birth certificate though. And why not? He's always moving, not working, and when he does work, he doesn't earn much, so he doesn't have to pay much. BUT he LOVES having that control.

WHAT CAN I DO?
 
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